7 Quick Takes: 38th Birthday Edition

7 Quick Takes

I’m up to my hairline in homework and my kid is having a meltdown, so of course I’m blogging. 🙂 My birthday is this Saturday, so here are 7 random facts about me.

— 1 —

I don’t like lettuce. I’ll eat salads if the dressing can mask the flavor of the greens, but I hate lettuce on sandwiches and burgers.

— 2 —

I’m allergic to cats. Shocking, I know. I’m on a bunch of allergy meds and I get shots weekly for it.

— 3 —

My first broken bone was at 14 months old. My evil twin slammed my finger in a door and broke it. It was too small to cast so they had to use band-aids to immobilize it.

— 4 —

I taught myself to read at age 3. Almost 35 years later, I’m still going strong.

— 5 —

I’m an alcohol gel nazi. I blame it on having a preemie who had quite a few hospital visits between the ages of 2-5. My favorite scent: apple.

— 6 —

I didn’t get addicted to coffee until my 30’s. I don’t think I drank it regularly until I was 34 years old. My go-to order: iced venti latté from $tarbux with whole milk and two pumps of vanilla.

— 7 —

I am deathly afraid of heights. I even hate standing on a chair to get something off of a shelf.

For more Quick Takes, visit Kelly at This Ain’t The Lyceum.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: May 13, 2018

For Today… May 13, 2018

Simple Woman's Daybook

Looking out my window… dark. It was positively gorgeous with temperatures in the 70’s F.

I am thinking… about various classes.

I am thankful… for worship at church today. My heart overflowed with joy and it was amazing.

One of my favorite things… Tillamook ice cream. It’s on par with Graeter’s.

I am wearing… jammies. Church clothes were my little black dress with a green denim jacket over it and black flats. Other clothes were jeans, a charcoal-colored t-shirt, and flip-flops any time I left the house.

I am creating… inventory records in QuickBooks.

I am watching… various episodes of World’s Strictest Parents.

I am hoping… tomorrow isn’t too grueling.

In my kitchen… salmon, potatoes, asparagus, and salad for Mother’s Day family dinner.

In the school room… he’s kicking butt and his language is exploding.

Post Script… God forbid someone should *gasp* barbecue at a lake while being African-American! Thankfully, this ended well, but there are so many cases where it doesn’t.

Shared Quote… “You stand with the least likely to succeed until success is succeeded by something more valuable: kinship. You stand with the belligerent, the surly, and the badly behaved until bad behavior is recognized for the language it is: the vocabulary of the deeply wounded and of those whose burdens are more than they can bear.” — Greg Boyle, S.J.

A moment from my day… My first Mother’s Day nap in the NICU

Naptime in the NICU

Hosted by The Simple Woman.

7 Quick Takes: How to Support A Loved One Going Through A Divorce

7 Quick Takes

It’s been over two years since I posted this. I got word yesterday afternoon that the settlement officer had signed and approved my papers, terminating my marriage. As I’m processing all of this, I thought I’d share some wisdom on how to help and support people in my position.

— 1 —

Recognize that you don’t know the whole story. Unless you spend every minute with your loved one and their partner, you don’t know what happened in their relationship, what problems existed, and what they’ve hidden from the world. Yes, it might be surprising to you that they’re divorcing, but keep that to yourself.

— 2 —

Realize that they do not owe you an explanation nor do they owe you a reporting of every single thing that happens in the legal proceedings. As much as you might want one, your loved one does not owe an explanation to anyone but their partner and God. Prying will get you put on an info diet.

— 3 —

Don’t judge them. This goes back to #1. You don’t know what happened, so you don’t get to tell them that they’re a horrible person for filing for divorce or that they are irreparably damaging their children. For all you know, their partner could have been verbally/emotionally abusive or could have been cheating on them for years.

The winner for the dumbest thing I heard: that I was committing adultery by divorcing Jon.

via GIPHY

— 4 —

Don’t try to get them back together with their partner. Yes, this did happen to me and that person got cut out of my life.

— 5 —

Understand that they will be going through a grieving process and that grief is not linear. There are days when I’ve accepted it, days when I’m angry that I was in a position where I had to make the decision, and days when I’m depressed. This is normal.

— 6 —

Do not attempt to incite anger in them against their partner or tell them they should do things to ruin their partner’s life. I had people trying to tell me that I should be angrier at Jon than I was and people who suggested that I contact Jon’s current parish and trash him. I told those people to cease and desist or they would be cut out of my life. (This is also why I keep my last name off of this blog — I had people offer to do it on my behalf and not knowing Jon’s last name meant that they couldn’t do it without me giving them a lot of information. And no, these people were not members of my family. My family members aren’t that hot-headed.)

The reason this is so bad: your loved one is already dealing with a lot of emotions surrounding their divorce and is struggling with what they’re feeling. Telling them that what they’re feeling is wrong is NOT helpful. Telling them to do things to hurt their estranged partner is wrong because it puts them in a near occasion of sin, it makes the situation more contentious than it needs to be, and going through with it can have severe legal repercussions for your loved one. It’s already a horribly painful situation — don’t make it worse.

— 7 —

Encourage your loved one to do things that are healthy for them. I had friend encourage me to pursue therapy, friends who encouraged me to pursue Confession last year and this year, and friends who got me out of the house for a game night or just for coffee to help me take my mind off of the situation.

— Bonus —

If appropriate, pray for them. I have gotten through the last few years on the prayers of people in my life.

For more Quick Takes, visit Kelly at This Ain’t The Lyceum.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: May 6, 2018

For Today… May 6, 2018

Simple Woman's Daybook

Looking out my window… sunny and in the 70’s. It’s so nice out that Daniel and I got some playground time in today.

I am thinking… about my group presentation for Business English this week.

I am thankful… for my grandmother telling me lucidly and clearly that she loved me when I went to visit her with Daniel yesterday.

One of my favorite things… my Integrated Projects class. I feel like I’m getting to play when I do homework for it.

I am wearing… a black shirt and jeans. My feet are bare as usual. 🙂

I am creating… documents using Word, Excel, and Access.

I am listening to… random things on iTunes.

I am hoping… that I can get everything done that is due in the next two days.

In my kitchen… I grabbed some teriyaki while I was out today.

Shared Quote… “Be a sinner and sin boldly, but believe and rejoice in Christ even more boldly.” — Martin Luther

A moment from my day… This was on when I turned on the radio today:

Hosted by The Simple Woman.

7 Quick Takes: German Earworm Edition

7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

My current German earworm. I blame Bego Johnson for sharing this video of a performance of Agnes Scott College’s Sotto Voce women’s ensemble 7 years ago for this being my current earworm.

The Toronto Children’s Chorus Chamber Choir recording is the one I’ve found that has the purest tone and sounds most like what I grew up hearing. (My mama is responsible for my Baroque music addiction.)

A good translation of the German can be found here. (It’s number 2 on the list of parts of the cantata.)

— 2 —

More lovely music. This is our anthem for Sunday. (My recommendations from the nice folks at YouTube are getting very interesting.)

— 3 —

Tutor Tip #1. If you’re going to sit in tutoring and make nasty remarks about how horrible your instructor is, you might not want to be sitting in their class and making bitchy remarks to the people around you while your “horrible” instructor is lecturing on this week’s homework assignment that you are claiming not to understand. (I had emailed my homework in before class and ghosted class that day to avoid this person, so I heard about it after the fact from a couple of my friends who had the misfortune sitting next to the chatterbox.)

— 4 —

Tutor Tip #2. If you ask someone for help, do not argue with that person when you don’t like his/her answer. People will leave the room when you walk into it because they do not want to deal with you.

If you do that to your tutor (who is helping you because he/she gets paid to do so and loves his/her job), you will be referred to your instructor for assistance and your instructor will be told WHY you are being referred to her for help (my department has all female staff), especially if you have just screamed the tutor into a puddle on the floor. Your tutor will then respond sweetly with the words “you need to talk to [Instructor]” every time you ask them for help because your tutor does not get paid enough to deal with you screaming at him/her. (My boss and the instructor in question have both explained to me that people are not allowed to yell at me and that I am completely within my rights to tell the offending person to leave.)

— 5 —

Tutor Tip #3. Your instructor is not docking you points because she hates you. Your instructor is docking you points because you did not follow the instructions on her clearly-defined rubric. Telling your tutor this will result in being told that “you will know better for next week!” in a cheerful voice. (Your instructor puts these instructions on the rubric in bold formatting because she grades 120 files for just your class alone every week, and she does not want to play hide-and-go-seek with your file.)

— 6 —

Tutor Tip #4. If your tutor is giving you instructions, taking notes on the instructions will cause your tutor to praise you to the heavens when your instructor walks through… and your instructor will go to her office to retrieve her gold star collection to give you one. (I kid you not — the instructor actually did this. The person being described is someone I will go out of my way to help when I am actually not on duty because he/she is polite, comes prepared EVERY TIME, takes beautiful notes, and asks questions that include the steps he/she has tried to find the answer.)

— 7 —

Tutor Tip #5. Saying “please” and “thank you” to your tutor will make their day so much better. (I am thankful that most people I tutor will say those two things to me.)

For more Quick Takes, visit Kelly at This Ain’t The Lyceum.

7 Quick Takes: QuickBooks Edition

7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

QuickBooks Take #1. This class is not going badly, but its organization could be improved. My instructor wants us to read and do the review before we do the in-class lecture on Monday… but the reading doesn’t work well if you aren’t actually *DOING* the work along with it. People are having a bad time with the review questions because it’s a book where you learn the material by doing it.

I need to email my instructor about it, but I need to acquire some tact first. (Let’s just say that I’m still a bit crabby about the screw-ups with the Payroll Project last quarter.)

— 2 —

QuickBooks Take #2. Other than my issues with the organization of the class, I’m enjoying my work with the actual software. There’s a fair amount of data entry, but I don’t mind that.

— 3 —

Awww yassss… This is what a pro-life workplace (that is, one that embraces people having children) looks like.

— 4 —

DACA. DACA is a huge issue where I live because of our migrant worker population, and I have classmates who are “Dreamers”. Let me just tell you… they are some of the hardest workers and I would hire almost all of them in a heartbeat. (They always have themselves together and they can function seamlessly in two or more languages.) They are also my favorite students to tutor because they are always polite when asking for help and consistently ask good questions.

Seriously, I wish the path to citizenship was easier for them because they are socially active on campus in positive ways, and embody the American Dream. They are the antithesis of the foul stereotypes that 45 and the Republican Party spread about them.

— 5 —

Choral music take #1. We’re putting this together for the offertory in a few weeks. I love Schutz, so I’m excited.

— 6 —

Choral music take #2. This is our piece for Sunday (Good Shepherd Sunday). It’s not the most sophisticated setting of Psalm 23, but it can be put together in a few minutes with a small number of choir members. (We’ve got 2/3 of the soprano section traveling or sick, one of our altos is traveling, and one of our basses is sick.)

— 7 —

My current earworm. My go-to music for homework these days is bluegrass and the Wissmann Family is a recent discovery. I’ve got this song stuck in my head.

For more Quick Takes, visit Kelly at This Ain’t The Lyceum.