Being able to be useful. I’m one of the few native Californians that doesn’t speak Spanish (I understand it but can’t speak it) and there was already a church youth group doing the program so I offered to just be an extra set of hands whenever I was able this week. This meant washing dishes for Christ. 🙂 They needed someone to do the breakfast dishes so I jumped to it. I may or may not have flooded the kitchen (twice) on Tuesday but I figured stuff out so that I was able to do all of it on my own on Wednesday. I’m bummed that I woke up with a migraine this morning and didn’t get to help. 🙁
Learning how to play Uno in Spanish. The church doing the program had math board games and card games for the kids and that included Uno. Most of the kids knew how to play it but one little girl didn’t… and didn’t understand a lot of English. I learned (and in a few cases reinforced) my colors in Spanish and learned the word for “zero” in order to explain what card she needed to play. (Like most kids who grew up watching Sesame Street, I did know how to count to ten.)
Teaching my kiddos to sing “When I Was One”. We had kids as young as 3 and it’s kind of hard to find math boardgames to do with them (they eventually just had them do extra playground time) so I did “When I Was One” with my younger kids to reinforce their numbers in English and because it’s fun. 🙂
Gave a lot of high fives to kids. When I was playing “Set” with some of the littler kids, I’d give them high-fives when they made a set because social praise is a fabulous reinforcer. Their smiles were so incredibly wonderful.
Shared Quote… From CarouselConductor, a poster in one of the subreddits I frequent:
Loss. Whether a death, estrangement, or any other kind.
Losing someone leaves a hole. This hole is in the shape of the person who is gone. It has ragged, bleeding edges that hurt with every movement. It’s hard to even consider this void, because even looking at it brings pain. All you can do is hope that something fills it in, because it’s too wide. Too deep. Too open.
And then time passes. You remember the person, talk about them, the good times, the bad. The bleeding edges are still painful, but somehow, you can approach them a little closer. It’s tender, but the bleeding has been slowed. The void is keenly felt, and you wonder what it will take for it to just go away.
More time passes. It’s not so bad, when you look at the hole, now. You might be wondering when it will fill in. If you get too close, you can still see the echo of the person who left the hole. Peering into it might still be too much, and nothing moves the same way anymore. But the bleeding has stopped and the pain isn’t there every time you move.
As even more time goes by, you start to realize that things feel different, but that raging pain is more of a distant ache, now. If you look at the hole, you find that the edges are scarred over. The void is still there. The shape of what made it is still recognizable. And then you realize that the hole is there, and it will always be there.
The topography of what makes you, you, has changed.
The ragged edges have healed over and you find that in that thing you thought was a bottomless pit of pain, there is now a well of memories. It’s up to you if you visit for a time, or simply walk on by.
Give yourself time for the hole to heal. And it will heal, regardless of abstracts like forgiveness, regrets, blame, or anger. Even if it doesn’t seem like it.
Please seek help when dealing with the trauma of loss. No one should go through grief alone.
Closing Notes: My kickboxing class was cancelled for the fall and they emailed me today to let me know that I have priority enrollment for a yoga class they are adding.
My mom laughed at me when I told her, commenting that it’s another form of stress management. I looked at her and replied that I have a deep need to punch and kick things and they just took away my ability to do this!!!!
*goes off to sulk and find a local kickboxing class*
Looking out my window… cloudy. We had a little bit of sun but it got cold again.
I am thinking… about how I will structure my classwork this summer. I have an online class on interpersonal communications
I am thankful… that the Warriors annihilated the Cavs in the NBA championships. I’m a Bay Area native and I hate all Cleveland sports teams so I’m positively gleeful. This also means that my boys have avenged their loss in the championships last year. 🙂
One of my favorite things… clean sheets. I just made my bed with fresh sheets and am loving it. (It’s laundry day for Daniel and me.)
I am wearing… a long-sleeved berry colored shirt from Old Navy and jeans from Kohl’s.
I am creating… this entry. I turned my last PowerPoint presentation in last night and am DONE with everything for the quarter.
I am reading…Wedding Cake Murder by Joanne Fluke.
I am hoping… for a calm and quiet evening tonight.
In my kitchen… not sure what I’ll do for dinner tonight.
In the school room… Daniel finishes school for the year on Friday.
Post Script…this is from March but it’s still amazing.
Shared Quote… “I’m not going to light myself on fire to keep you warm.” — something from a page on dealing with people who have narcissistic personality disorder like this blog’s troll does.
A moment from my day… my favorite hymn from Sunday.
Looking out my window… sunny and in the 60’s. I might have to shave my legs so I can wear shorts tomorrow!
I am thinking… about the presentation I have to give on Thursday in my Intro class. I’m doing a PowerPoint presentation on the same topic so I’ll probably use the PowerPoint presentation to help me organize my thoughts.
I am thankful… I don’t have a heavy homework load due on Tuesday — Thursday is going to be crazy though.
Looking out my window… sunny with some clouds. We’ve gotten sprinkled a couple times but it’s nice enough out right now.
I am thinking… about what I have due over the next couple of days. All of my PE 100 stuff has to be in tonight, Accounting homework is due tomorrow morning, and I have stuff for my other classes due at various points on Tuesday.
I am thankful… for good worship this morning. It’s always good when I feel connected in prayer and in receiving the Eucharist.
One of my favorite things… calmness and quiet in the house. Mom and my uncle are cooking downstairs and Daniel is in his room currently.
I am wearing… my Cougars shirt and jeans. I hate the Cougars about as much as I hate Ohio State… but my youngest cousin Sarah (recent WSU grad) is coming to dinner tonight and I love Sarah so I’m wearing the shirt. (It’s also very warm.) Church clothes this morning were my turquoise/black/white bokeh dress, black camisole, black cardigan, and black flats.
I am creating… spreadsheets for my Accounting homework and message board entries for my PE class.
I am listening to… “Eye of the Storm” by Ryan Stevenson.
I am hoping… this chapter’s book work for PowerPoint isn’t boring. I love creating and manipulating presentations but not so much the reading about it.
I am learning… how to do the indirect method for a statement of cash flows.
In my kitchen… ling cod tonight with various salads and potatoes and macaroons with ice cream for dessert.
In the school room… Daniel’s teachers are working with him on getting him to stop hitting.
Post Script… I’d like to share this for those whose mothers or mothers-in-law are toxic people. I’m very lucky to have a wonderful mom but some people aren’t that lucky.
Shared Quote… “We are mirrors whose brightness, if we are bright, is wholly derived from the sun that shines upon us.” — C.S. Lewis
A moment from my day… My first Mother’s Day 8 years ago.
Mother’s Day flowers. One of the women in my Accounting class got daffodils to give to all the mothers she knows… including pet mamas. It was really sweet and meant that almost all of the women in our class ended up with flowers.