Daniel starts preschool tomorrow (OK… technically today because it’s 1:30 a.m.) and at 12:50 a.m., it occurred to me that I should probably get some things ready so that I’m not in a huge rush tomorrow. So… here’s my process for getting Daniel ready for preschool:
12:50 – Decide that you should probably prep some things ahead of time. Remove the comforter and peel yourself out of the recliner. Walk across the living room that is covered with Cheerios. (I didn’t get a chance to vacuum today. Stop judging me!) Step over the baby gate into the kitchen and switch on the light. Catch a picture of yourself in the microwave and realize that your eyes are mostly closed. Realize that you are also hungry so get Lean Cuisine meal out of the fridge.
12:55 – Wash out sippy cup using zip ties to poke the congealed formula out of the crevices. Make sure that sucker is CLEAN. Dry sippy cup and latex plug for it. Fill with properly-sourced apple juice from Trader Joe’s. Take a swig of juice while you’re at it.
12:57 – Remove a tortilla and pub cheese (think spreadable cheese that is two steps up from Velveeta) from the fridge. Use butter knife to spread cheese over tortilla. Roll as tightly as possible and cut into thin slices. Eat reject slices and put majority of roll-up in snack bag. Take a handful of Cheerios and put in another snack bag. Ponder investing in another kind of Cheerios for variety’s sake. Obsess about the fact that your kid probably will not sit down for any period of time to eat. Freak out about this. Remind yourself that these teachers are used to this and getting paid for it.
1:02 – Realize that you have not microwaved your midnight snack (which is actually dinner). Remove meal from box and stick in microwave for some ungodly amount of time. Remember that you need to supply diapers and wipes.
1:10 – Find alternate clothes that are not too holey (thank you broken dryer!) and label with initials. Label lunchbox, diapers, and wipes with name.
1:15 – Finally get dinner out of the microwave. Be thankful that it has cooled sufficiently so that it can rest on laptop while eating. Climb back over baby gate and settle in recliner. Remind the pair of glowing eyes nuzzling your left hand that rescue panthers don’t eat Lean Cuisine meals.
1:20 – Take plastic dish back to kitchen and toss it. Feel pangs of guilt for not recycling it. Decide that it’s too late to really care about the environment and that we’re all screwed anyway. Settle back into recliner. See a figure moving toward you. Point your laptop toward it and discover that it is the sissy tabby. Watch Mr. Tabbykins shrink away to cower on the couch. Feel guilty that the big orange lump is spooked.
1:24 – Type this entry with your eyes closed. Proofread later.
He has already seen his classroom and met his teacher today while I was trying to drop off paperwork at the school. I’m glad he got to meet his teacher — it might make things easier tomorrow. She is made of awesomeness and wasn’t fazed at all by Daniel running around and opening/closing things. She also has promised to call several times a day with updates on him during this week. I am blessed.