7 Quick Takes: Can’t Put My Finger On It

7 Quick Takes

I’ve been staring at this window for two days and trying to figure out why I can’t come up with Quick Takes. In the course of my Internet ablutions today, some things have become apparent.

— 1 —

I’m depressed. Anyone who knows me isn’t going to be shocked by this. It’s a battle I’ve been fighting for almost 20 years, 13 of them with the help of medication. I’m not exactly quiet about it but I also don’t wear it on my sleeve. Probably the biggest sign of it is that I retreat more deeply inward than I already happen to be. I don’t eat, I sleep all the time… The last time this happened was two years ago when we moved to California. I lived with Daniel at my in-laws’ house for a month when we first got there and my mother-in-law slowly got me back up to being functional. Still, I’m taking my meds, I’m *trying* to eat, and I’m letting my body rest so hopefully this is temporary and I’ll rebound soon.

— 2 —

I’m jealous. Don’t get me wrong, I love Daniel more than anything in this world (he’s right below Jesus) but it’s hard to be the mom of an autistic kid when your friends post videos of the cute things their kids do. It’s almost enough to make me want to give up Facebook… except that some of them do it on their blogs. I think the thing that’s the hardest for me is that Daniel is so delayed in his speech that it’s hard to know what he wants at times. I know that he will eventually talk — it’s just going to take some time. MORE time.

— 3 —

I’m lonely. I finished Style, Sex, and Substance this weekend and I’ve been feeling bummed because I don’t have people like that who are my age around here. As much as I’m an introvert, I wish I had people with whom I can hang out who are my age. Perhaps, I should try to get to know some of the parents of the kids in Daniel’s class better.

— 4 —

I’m PMS’ing. My period is being weird which is probably contributing to the general feeling of malaise. Unfortunately, my comfort food is Coke and I tend to crave meat in the form of burgers so I can’t say that my diet is really helping either. *sigh* Must learn to like spinach more during this time…

— 5 —

I hate heat. It’s supposed to be near 100F in the next few days. Yeah… no desire whatsoever to be outside unless it’s a dire necessity. This does not bode well for exercise as my exercise of choice is walking. What? Go for a walk in the early morning? But that’s when I sleep! OK… must fix this.

— 6 —

I’m also humbled. I was hurt by something that happened two months ago and finally God smacked me with a 2×4 and said “be that person” which led me to talk to those who hurt me. We’re talking it out and I’m wishing that I’d said something sooner.

— 7 —

Brett’s Blogathon is helping to get me out of my funk. I’m totally excited about it in a way that I haven’t been excited about something in a long time. Come check it out at Blogging for Brett!

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

9 thoughts on “7 Quick Takes: Can’t Put My Finger On It

  1. #3… I feel the exact same way. I don’t really have many local friends at all, and that book made me so wish I had a group of friends like that here! I’m building a friendship with two Catholic bloggers who live in Raleigh, but I wish there was also some kind of decent church group (keyword: decent).

    The rest: I’m saying lots of prayers for you this week!!! I appreciate your honesty, too. Sometimes it gets overwhelming to read only the ‘good parts’ of peoples’ lives on their blogs, so it’s refreshing to see someone who is being very real about what’s going on.

  2. Depression sucks. 🙁 I hope you will start feeling better soon.

    Also, parenting children with disabilities is hard sometimes. I just can’t help and be envious when I see the perfect family and wish for my kid to be like them. Well, sometimes even seeing my kid dtruggling with things his twin brother can easily do makes it hard.

    I hope you’ll have a better week.

  3. Moving is hard. a big move takes a long time to adjust too, even when that’s the only issue, but especially when it’s not. I hope things improve soon.

  4. Jen, I just came home from the library and the grocery store, and I was so, um, lost-cool that I said something horrible to my children on the way home. As I sat thinking I couldn’t believe I’d just said something like that, I started processing the extreme frustration of having a five-year-old and a three-year-old both testing, testing, testing, and disobeying, disobeying, disobeying–at the same time. It just feels like that stage of parenting I hate–the 2-4 range–is stretching out into infinity. I think I’ve been in this stage without stopping since Alex started it, five years ago.

    Anyway, just to say I get it. Hugs.

  5. 1) As someone who has been in the battle for ten years himself, the only thing I can say is to keep fighting. There’s going to be good and bad days, but as long as you keep up the fight, you’ll win.

    3) I’m only halfway through my copy, and I’m starting to wonder now if there’s something in there that I shouldn’t be looking forward to.

    4) Can you fool your craving into having something slightly healthier, if you must have a burger? For the last couple years, all my burgers have come in the form of turkey, black bean, or soy. Honestly, if you’re looking for something that’s not too much of a difference in taste, go with the black bean. It’s delicious, and not too far off from beef. Then again, it has been years since I’ve eaten beef, so I may not know what I’m talking about anymore.

    5) Are you sure you don’t live here in the valley? It’s been calling for the same temperatures around here, and I don’t like it. Heat puts a damper on my exercise as well (what little I do). I’d walk with you, but morning is when I sleep as well. You know, like sane people do. 🙂

    I’ll be praying for you. Also, hugs, if I could reach.

  6. You’ll be in my prayers this week. My whole family suffers from depression and related mental illnesses, so while I know that each person’s depression is deeply personal and unique, I also sort of get it. I’m so sorry you’re going through that and I hope that it will not last long.

  7. I know the feeling. Moving sucks. I’ve been here a year and I’ve met some people but just a “hi how are you” type people not “hey lets go to a movie” friend. Or the friends I have met are all married/married with kids who don’t really want to be associated with singles or have the time 🙁

    That is actually one reason I’m kind of scared to read Sex, Style, and Substance. I’ll finish it and be like man where are these awesome women?

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