I’ve been staring at this window for two days and trying to figure out why I can’t come up with Quick Takes. In the course of my Internet ablutions today, some things have become apparent.
I’m depressed. Anyone who knows me isn’t going to be shocked by this. It’s a battle I’ve been fighting for almost 20 years, 13 of them with the help of medication. I’m not exactly quiet about it but I also don’t wear it on my sleeve. Probably the biggest sign of it is that I retreat more deeply inward than I already happen to be. I don’t eat, I sleep all the time… The last time this happened was two years ago when we moved to California. I lived with Daniel at my in-laws’ house for a month when we first got there and my mother-in-law slowly got me back up to being functional. Still, I’m taking my meds, I’m *trying* to eat, and I’m letting my body rest so hopefully this is temporary and I’ll rebound soon.
I’m jealous. Don’t get me wrong, I love Daniel more than anything in this world (he’s right below Jesus) but it’s hard to be the mom of an autistic kid when your friends post videos of the cute things their kids do. It’s almost enough to make me want to give up Facebook… except that some of them do it on their blogs. I think the thing that’s the hardest for me is that Daniel is so delayed in his speech that it’s hard to know what he wants at times. I know that he will eventually talk — it’s just going to take some time. MORE time.
I’m lonely. I finished Style, Sex, and Substance this weekend and I’ve been feeling bummed because I don’t have people like that who are my age around here. As much as I’m an introvert, I wish I had people with whom I can hang out who are my age. Perhaps, I should try to get to know some of the parents of the kids in Daniel’s class better.
I’m PMS’ing. My period is being weird which is probably contributing to the general feeling of malaise. Unfortunately, my comfort food is Coke and I tend to crave meat in the form of burgers so I can’t say that my diet is really helping either. *sigh* Must learn to like spinach more during this time…
I hate heat. It’s supposed to be near 100F in the next few days. Yeah… no desire whatsoever to be outside unless it’s a dire necessity. This does not bode well for exercise as my exercise of choice is walking. What? Go for a walk in the early morning? But that’s when I sleep! OK… must fix this.
I’m also humbled. I was hurt by something that happened two months ago and finally God smacked me with a 2×4 and said “be that person” which led me to talk to those who hurt me. We’re talking it out and I’m wishing that I’d said something sooner.
For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.