[+] About 5:00 this morning, Daniel had a desaturation episode and all of a sudden my room filled with lots of interesting people. I was so sleepy that I was joking around with them. The gravity of it hit me this morning during rounds (which I dragged myself out of bed to attend). To get my mind in gear to get through, I went and changed into clothes and went down with my laptop to have breakfast. Daniel’s doctor wasn’t happy about the desat but we know why (he wasn’t sedated enough when the nurse tried to move him to wash his back).
[+] The little boy at the opposite end of the PICU from us may be taken off life support soon and this is depressing me because I’ve gotten to know his mom. It doesn’t seem fair, especially since her son had something happen that doctors couldn’t diagnose. They’re going to have to make some really tough decisions and I can’t even imagine being in her place.
[+] I was coming back from the bathroom and from talking to the other mom and was almost in the room when Daniel’s nurse yelled out, “I need help!” People rushed the room and someone ran to get the attending doctor. It was maybe 1:30 or 2:00 minutes total but it just threw me apart. During all of it, the attending doctor was saying “Don’t worry. He’s OK.” I couldn’t believe her though and started sobbing. When the doctor walked out, I told her to page the social worker. I was going to be OK but I needed someone to be with me NOW who could talk me down. (For the record, Dr. Ice Princess gave me a hug after it was all done. She is now up one more notch in my esteem.)
[+] I’m watching “The Biggest Loser” right now (though I know that Arthur is the one who goes home). One thing that the show does is talk to the contestants about how and WHY they gained the weight. A lot of times, it was “parents’ divorce” or “death of family member”. I can look at myself and point to my excess weight and tell you where it was gained. Part of it is “baby in NICU”. Part of it is “bad parish situation”. Part of it is “stress”. I’m trying to not have any of it be “baby in PICU”.