wrist sprain AGAIN!!!!

well… i managed to re-sprain my wrist yesterday and this time worse than i had originally. i was processing a shipment because we had frozen stuff that needed to be put in the freezer. small problem: there isn’t enough room to swing a cat in the freezer, let alone fit all that food in there. so i was rearranging stuff trying to find space and a box fell on me. i blocked it with my right hand and ended up re-spraining my wrist. of course, maeoll chose that time to leave and erik chose that time to go on lunch. argh!!!!! i worked 2? more hours and then left in tears. i feel really stupid because i lost my composure in front of matt and vanessa. (like they’re going to re-hire me now…) i also just couldn’t stop crying because i was injured and i couldn’t do anything about it. mom and dad and sean had no way of understanding the stuff i was going through last night. sigh… well… at least they let me see dr. badhwar. it was wonderful to see her again and she didn’t make me wait 3? hours. i really miss having her as a physician because she really cares about her patients.

giving of myself

well… alisa called in sick today (with hayfever which is no excuse — i’m suffering too and i’m still working) so john worked on his day off. i think that they’re trying to make it up to me for what happened on the 21st. i really did appreciate john today because i needed someone to keep me sane. he’s also a really positive and laid-back person and it makes working with him a lot more fun and a lot easier on me. there is *waaaaay* too much negativity in the workplace and being around it 24/7 doesn’t help.

i’m learning more and more day by day that love is about giving of yourself, even when you just cannot give any more. jon has always been really unselfish with the time he’s spent calming me down in illness and depression and stress. it was wonderful to be able to do the same for him today. it seems like the stressful moments with each other turn out to be the most wonderful ones for our friendship and our relationship. my ex-jon just couldn’t do this. he gave of himself to me but wouldn’t let me give any of myself to him. this really hurt because i felt like i couldn’t repay him for the times when he helped me. apparently, he didn’t think i would understand. hello… i’ve been through many of the same problems. you know this… i know what it’s like to be doubting. i know what it’s like to have a loved one going through cancer treatment. it just really irritates me that he is so thick-headed!!!

my quiet time today had readings from philipians 4:10-20. this passage has two of the coolest verses: philipians 4:11 which states that “i have learned to be content in any circumstances”; and philipians 4:13 which states that “i can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” 4:11 is one that i should probably start living out better since i do have a weakness for whining about my circumstances. many face worse things than i do and the Lord has gotten me through some really hairy trials. 4:13 is my power verse as it really tells me where my strength is located and why i am as strong as i am.

i lift my eyes up up to the mountains where does my help comes from? my help comes from you maker of heaven creator of the earth oh how i need you Lord you are my only hope you’re my only prayer so i will wait for you to come and rescue me to come and give me life…
-“i lift my eyes up” (praise song)

crazy day

please remind me not to pray for a busy day in the café again! i was alone in the café for 4? hours today because maeoll overslept. it was almost solid customers too. i was really thankful for debbie and bob since they stepped in and helped me get some really little but important things done so that i was free to wait on customers. the rest of the day was pretty easy since we had enough people in the café.

i really hope that i can manage the schedule that i’m taking this fall. i’m taking two upper-division classes and a lower division history class taught by cindy. i should technically be taking an upper division history class so that i can satisfy the requirements for history 194x (my senior seminar) but the history department might give me a permission code to work around that. i probably should have taken lynn westercamp’s class but i heard so many nasty things about her and her teaching style that i decided to do politics instead (and got stuck with craig parsons, a newly-minted ph.d professor — not a great alternative). maybe english history will satisfy the requirements and hopefully it’s open and i can work religion in there somehow. history 122 was a religious history class as is history 33. since i need to take history 194x this winter, i might have a better chance at getting that permission code.

i’m also realizing that i need to learn more patience. sean is on the phone with trisha and i feel like i’m pacing like a six year-old waiting for it. jon probably isn’t going to call until 10 or 10:30 but i’m still panicking. doesn’t it always work out that the two of us get to talk anyhow? i spend so much needless time and energy worrying that it just stresses me out more. she’s also sick and needs sean more than i need jon right now. bad jen!

my qt readings for today really spoke to me as far as my worrying about housing. my campus journal reading for today was isaiah 55:6-9 and it talks about seeking the Lord and the fact that our thoughts are not His thoughts and our ways are not His ways. (translation: God’s timetable is not the same as jen’s timetable and jen needs to learn that she is not the one runnig the universe. a lesson that is being painfully taught to me.) He is a wonderful provider and i wish that i could just really trust that He would give me housing. i’ve been told to nag darlene but i’m not sure that i really want to do that.

quieting myself

today was *soooooo* slow at work. by the time i left at 3, we’d maybe had four busy points and very few customers. i wonder why. i know that the harry potter hype is over but we still used to have more customers. i’m finding that i am getting quieter in my advancing age. i’m getting more introverted and i’m wondering if this has always been the case and i’ve just not realized it or if it’s a result of the depression. i love just being in my room and working on things. i do love being around people but it isn’t energizing like it is for jon or susanna.

in my quiet time, i was reading through ephesians 2:11-22 and judges 6:11-32. it was a reminder that God is with us through everything and that as a result, we should try to be a cohesive body as far as giving praise to Him. i’m not saying that all of us should worship in the same fashion and with the same liturgy and music — i’m saying that we should be more concerned with uniting in simply *worshipping Him*, not figuring out which method God prefers. i’m sick of hearing about worship wars concerning the type of music, the prayers used, the people leading,…

still waiting to hear about my housing. i may not know until next week. i just really pray for peace so i can wait!!!

beginning

well… i’ve got most of the site done. i’ll work on ftping it up next week. hopefully dreamhost sent me enough information and hopefully it’s simplified enough so that even i can figure it out. it’s been nice having these last two days off from work. i’ve gotten a chance to work on the site and make it as unique as i can. after i get it worked out so that i can archive things, i’ll work on the domain page. i currently have psalm 23 on there but i’m probably going to search for quotes with “peaceful waters” in them or use some of my poetry. i wish that i was better at using front page or that i had the html ability to do a page like samantha’s but i think that i’ll get better with time.

as i was doing my quiet time this afternoon, i was reading through 2 corinthians 3:1-6 and it made me really think about how i judge myself in regard to if i’ve done enough. the devotional was from campus journal talked about how billy graham, someone who has helped millions of people get to know Jesus, felt like he hadn’t done enough. as sad as this sounds, i feel better about not doing as great as i could if billy graham is afraid that he hasn’t done enough. it also really reminded me of whose opinion should count as far as what i do — it should be God, not the world around me. i also read psalm 23 and that really showed me that i need to stop worrying about my housing situation. i’m supposedly a priority since i’m affiliated with the drc so i should have a slightly better chance. darlene also sent something today telling us to fill out the response card so that they can keep their lists pure. i think that once the lists are purer, housing will become available. at least… i hope so.