as andrea would put it, i woke up as my “shadow self” this morning at 5:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. i called jon and he spent an hour trying to calm me down. i was able to go back to sleep after we prayed. one more reason to keep jon: he’s there for me during my worst times as well as my best times. well… that and he gives really good hugs, even over the phone. 🙂
lecture was good (as cindy’s always are) and lunch was good — they had sushi — yeahhhhh!!! jon louie and kurt and others were also there which was nice. i’ve been missing the communal meals that i’ve grown accustomed to in the last two years. afterwards, i got some soc readings done and picked out a document to analyze for my paper.
i was kind of sad to see that jocelyn was also “in her shadow self” in her entry from yesterday. poor jocelyn.
it’s strange still not to start the year with a 19 when i write it. oh well… it’s taken me 20 years to adjust to just the 19 so i’ll probably be 40 when i start writing the 20- correctly. (jen’s random comment for the day)
the seminar on jig’s that i went to was really cool. “jig”‘s are Jesus investigation groups and they’re different from Bible studies in that you are looking at examples of Jesus’ life to try to find out who He is. it’s mostly for non-christians to try to break down the stereotype of Christ as a mean, nasty, judgmental God. we did a practice one though and my group kind of didn’t realize that we were supposed to role-play being non-christians and we did it as a regular Bible study. jill asked us at the end, though, how this differed from a regular Bible study. it focuses more on the text and on what it says about Jesus rather than what we can apply to our lives. it was really good.
unfortunately, the little freshlings across the hall from me decided to invite people over last night and smoke some pot. pot smoke got in my room and needless to say, i did not appreciate waking up gagging and vomiting this morning from the effects of the smoke. they were also really loud which wasn’t great as i was trying to sleep. i’d say that they’re stupid freshmen except that a lot of the frosh on my hall are really cool and some readers of this journal might take offense. needless to say, i’m not happy with them.
: i’m erasing the journal entry from yesterday because i don’t feel like it was really accurate about my day. incidentally, cindy was right: paul is a hellenistic jew (sorry cindy) and i’m actually kind of grateful that she knows something of what she is teaching.
my soc professor, however, does not impress me as someone who really knows the Bible. he thought that the Gospel according to john was the books of revelations. (hello? they are different books.) the video was also more into the mainstream Christian view of “symbolic interpretation” which annoyed me because i feel like people need to get away from trying to prove the Bible and just read it.
my reading in cj today was acts 9:1-19 (paul’s conversion experience) and i’m feeling like ananias right now. in the passage, the Lord goes to ananias and asks him to seek paul out so ananias can heal him. ananias is kind of skeptical because paul is the guy that is persecuting the followers of Jesus. likewise, i feel like ananias when i’m in my classes these days since i feel so persecuted. ucsc prides itself on religious tolerance but for some odd reason, christians can’t be part of that. for example, our fliers have been stapled over and vandalized. if we did that to the muslim student association or to a buddhist organization, we’d be kicked off campus, yet people can do things like that to ours? great. people have also told me that i must be feeling really submissive to my fiancée because christianity is so “misogynic”. it can be — but only by those who quote random scriptures and ignore the ones that say that all of us are equal. sigh…
jon louie came to visit yesterday and it was an interesting though somewhat one-sided conversation. we did try to talk but i felt like jon was preaching to me and soliloquizing again. it was nice to see him though i feel like we’ve lost the spiritual bond since he’s stopped going to church for whatever reason.
last night was really tough because i was missing jon to the point of tears. after he called me and we talked, he suggested that i get out of my room and go be with people. as someone who is getting more introverted by the hour, it was tough but i went to hang out with my friends linda, casi, and deryn for a few hours. we watched movies, linda worked on my back, we ate chocolate… i think that that was the best remedy — a girl’s night out.
today i got my books and signed my savings over to the (evil) forces known as the uc regents. i’m scouring amazon.com, b&n.com, and borders.com to see if i can’t get my books cheaper that way. i know that cindy said that we didn’t have to get all of them but the optional ones were really cool. i think that paul also left a few off his reading list or something because there were 6 books on the shelf and only 4 on the list. argh.
mike just gave me permission to link him. wooo hoooo!!!! i guess for right now, all there is to do is finish this journal entry and update some pages and spell check stuff. oh yeah… also listen to ccm and belt it out at the top of my lungs.
i had my first class today for “religion and social change”. it was interesting though i know that it’s going to be an interesting class in which to be in since the humanities (especially sociology) are very anti-christian. the professor seems really open-minded and really tolerant (read: respecting each philosophy instead of every philosophy but christianity). hopefully i can crash and get into the asian religious art class. i think it would be interesting and it would be really good fodder if i do end up getting a degree in comparative religion some day. we’ll be studying tea ceremonies, mandalas, and other asian art pieces. it’s an art history class so it might not be too bad for me. it’s kind of daunting to walk into an upper division class in a major from which you have not taken any classes. i managed to keep my head above water in politics and reformation europe last quarter but i also knew something of what i was talking about in those classes. it was also a nice surprise to know that my soc class was at cowell college instead of oakes. in other words, a 5 minute walk away from my room, rather than a 20+ minute walk down hills and back up again after class. my asian class is also at crown. (wooohoooo!!!!!)
i was reading my verses for odb today and it was talking about how time and chance happens to us all. it’s kind of like the observation that good things happen to bad people. one of my fellow brothers in Christ really has the attitude that the stuff that happens to him is not fair and that it is God punishing him. in the olympics today, elise ray (my current favorite us gymnast) fell on her vault because the equipment was improperly set. she *did* finish as the highest american but it pretty much shot her chances at a medal. i’ve been through depression, sadness, anger, and a whole lot of hard things in the last few weeks and it doesn’t seem fair to me. the only thing that is fair is that God does help us through these things. i’m praying that elise can redeem her medal hopes in the event finals for gymnastics. if my male friend would turn to God, he would probably see the wonderful things that God has done in his life. and in my case, i can turn to God and see that all my trials/tribulations have made me a stronger child of God and a stronger witness for the power of Christ.
after so many days of hot, nasty weather, we finally have fog. it is so unbelieveably wonderful!!! then again, i hate sunshine. i just had cindy’s class and it was wonderful. she is a brilliant lecturer and she really shows that she loves what she does. i think medieval europe is going to be my fun class for the quarter. we get to read beowulf, saint’s biographies, and it’s actually my favorite period of history.
after class, i went to lunch and ate with xine and chris and brian. after that, i went to see donna, which was (as always) a wonderful experience. at this point, our sessions are more to talk than anything else. i love having someone who will just listen to me and who understands the christian side of my depression.
well… it’s been kind of long since i’ve written but things have happened.
i left for oregon on the 23rd and got there (via amtrak) on the 24th. i stayed with jon for a few days and we really enjoyed seeing each other. we’ll see each other next during the first or second weekend of october.
i then took the train to seattle and stayed with my *godmother* laurie for a week. laurie rocks!!! i unsuccessfully attempted to henna my hair, got to see the adorable baby snow leopard cubs, and did other really wonderful things with her.
i then went up to visit my grandparents. i got to see my adorable new second cousin and my little cousins kristen and sari. all three of them are cuties!!! i spent a week in canada and then journeyed home.
from september 12-15, i was at mission santa cruz,which is the pre-school retreat for iv. we did Bible study, a ropes course, some good worship music, and planning for this year. now i’m on campus and fixing to unpack… at least at some point.