well… i’m talking my cue from laurie and doing my journal on my main page. i was trying to get blogger to work but it refuses to. and people say it’s easy to use… i’ll probably play with it when i have a lot more time. i have the history quiz tomorrow as well as having to get replacement prescriptions for the ones that i lost during one of my anxiety attacks yesterday. (it’s causing another one. argh!!!) at least rite aid was nice about filling them again.
church was ok today and i did get the notes typed up and emailed to matt. now just to work on my map and read some soc in prep for my midterm. soc is wordy but my current reading should be interesting.
well… last night i started crying while talking to jon and continued even after he fell asleep. this morning, i couldn’t stop crying and barely made it through my history section. i was advised by a few of my friends to skip my afternoon classes to sleep and try to stabilize. i went to my sociology class only because i thought the midterm was going to be handed out today and then went home, turned on napster to my “praise” mu3, and catnapped until jon called. then i waffled over whether to go to art history and finally decided not to after my friend amy commented that since i had a notetaker, i was safe to go sleep again. so… i came back up to my room and catnapped until i had to go to dinner.
i think i really need to start treating my depression as the illness that it is and i need to realize that there are going to be times that are worse than others and that i really need to rest during those times. these are also times when i need to remember that i also need to reach out to other people rather than mope around in my room. i am planning on going to Bible study tonight and i did eat with people rather than alone this afternoon. i was also really thankful for jon louie at lunch. he let me cry and just talked to me. thank goodness for small things.
geez… i thought things were so boring and now they’ve picked up again. i’ve got a history 33 quiz on monday, a take-home midterm that will probably be due on monday as well, and i’ll be home this weekend which means that i’m not going to get much done. on top of that, i have wanted to kill all the cigarette-smoking, trendy, sk8ter freaks in my midst for everything from waving their cancer sticks in my face to blocking the aisles when i was trying to get off the bus. they pollute the air with their filthy language and show me yet again that i am among the minority of people on this campus who isn’t into the consumerist lifestyle. many of the frosh this year are among the worst of them especially those who complain that all the upperclassmen get parking permits (probably because 90% of sophomores and juniors got kicked off campus so the school could house the frosh and those displaced people have to commute to school). the little freshlings can learn to take the bus and get some exercise walking to the suv’s that mommy and daddy bought them. they also seem to think that multiple piercings look cool. they look so un-natural and stupid. i don’t know many guys who fall for girls like that. yes… i know that not all frosh are like that. we actually do have some really good freshmen this year. it’s just that it seems like the majority of them are trendy little airheads who came to ucsc because all the other schools rejected them.
history lecture today was wonderful and soc section was ok. my sectionmates weren’t being anti-christian. this is a good thing. i got to talk to jon before he left for a lecture — another good thing. i miss my fox. i think our love deepened this last time and i think it’s making it harder now. i’m trying to be a good jen and get through my classes so that i can get out of cali and go be with jon in ohio. soc irritates me but if passing it means that i’m one step closer to seeing jon, i’ll take it on
well… jon talked to his dad last night and he said that it was a wonderful conversation. his dad had some suggestions that are answers to things that we had been praying about for a long time. apparently, spouses can take classes free at jon’s seminary so i can take intensive greek and hebrew after we get married and that will help me once i’m in seminary. i can also drive jon’s car to ohio which will give me a car to use while jon learns to drive. (it’s hard to believe that i’ll be learning to drive this weekend. i will admit that i’m scared but not as scared as i was about the ropes course.) jon and i also got a long conversation last night which was good because i was really sad about him being back in oregon. i know that i only have 8 more months of this but it’s still really hard. when i was in columbus, i was wishing that i could just cancel my plane ticket back and live in ohio with jon. however, i knew that my parents would have a fit as well as it being a pain to get my clothes and all of that shipped to me. we’re trying to see if we can’t spend some time together in the beginning of november and i’m praying that southwest or alaska has a cheap deal for that weekend. at least we can communicate by email, aol im, yahoo messenger, and phone until then. i miss my fox…
jon is here (i’m actually sitting on his lap writing this 🙂 ) and unfortunately we have to leave for the airport in half an hour. it was wonderful to see him again for the first time in 5 or 6 weeks and we had a wonderful time going to my medieval europe lecture (he asked lots of questions in class and probably impressed cindy), going downtown to see donna, having dinner and watching veggie tales with my Bible study, and doing devotions together last night. i actually did start my paper… on wednesday night. i finished it thursday night. i sort of feel like it could have been better but i’m not entirely sure what i’d do to fix it. perhaps make my analysis sound more sophisticated or something…
thank God. at least someone has the guts to stand up to the way mainline christianity is being ruined by churches compromising their values.
the power went out at crown last night and the little frosh were running around screaming. geez… the lights were only off for a few five minute periods. they are all adults — they know that there is nothing to be afraid of. it was annoying because i was trying to talk to jon and fall asleep. sigh… and i thought i was on a quiet floor…
lecture was good today as was lunch (it is all about sushi!!!!). i’m also getting laundry done. i went to the bookstore on the way down to the drc to copy notes and returned three books and got two more. i ended up down $2 more. i was going to check the various online book places but i don’t really think that i’ll have time. i keep forgetting that humanities classes are extremely costly as far as books. maybe tonight i’ll actually be able to start my paper…
as andrea would put it, i woke up as my “shadow self” this morning at 5:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. i called jon and he spent an hour trying to calm me down. i was able to go back to sleep after we prayed. one more reason to keep jon: he’s there for me during my worst times as well as my best times. well… that and he gives really good hugs, even over the phone. 🙂
lecture was good (as cindy’s always are) and lunch was good — they had sushi — yeahhhhh!!! jon louie and kurt and others were also there which was nice. i’ve been missing the communal meals that i’ve grown accustomed to in the last two years. afterwards, i got some soc readings done and picked out a document to analyze for my paper.
i was kind of sad to see that jocelyn was also “in her shadow self” in her entry from yesterday. poor jocelyn.