The Type of Pastor’s Wife I Am

I’ve been dealing with a troll for the last couple of weeks who has been using a proxy server and Fake Mail Generator to get past my domain block of them. I’d link them and call them out except that doing so would drive traffic to their site and I’m against being used for free publicity like that. Besides, I really don’t have time to engage their desire to be persecuted by others and to feed their martyr complex.

Anyway, they started leaving me nasty comments several weeks ago (which got altered per my comment policy) and this was among them:

… You, on the other hand, appear to never be able to accept criticism or hear another’s perspective. Gawd – how do you ever manage to survive as a pastor’s wife… or is that why you have to move every couple of years?

Then there was:

Really? Because it seems to me as if you go out of your way to call people names, talk about them behind their back and then twist their words to mean other things. I’m guessing they ride you and your poor hubby out on a rail every couple of years. If there was ever a good example of why priests should remain celibate, you would be exhibit A!

Given that people are pretty surprised that I’m a pastor’s wife when they meet me in person, I thought I’d turn these comments on their head and answer as to what kind of pastor’s wife I am.

A quiet one.

One thing that surprises people who know me online when they meet me in person is how quiet I am. Part of it is that I’m pretty shy, part of it is that I’m a strong introvert, and part of it is that I tend to be pretty irenic as a rule. I have enough of a front row seat to conflict and dysfunction by virtue of being married to someone whose job is to sort it out and thus I really don’t desire to seek it out on my own. I’m also quite aware that I need to keep on peoples’ good sides because they pay my husband’s salary and provide our housing. Not pointing out hypocrisy means that I tend to stay out of trouble.

An invisible one.

The best thing I ever did was get a job 60 miles from home because it meant that I had an excuse not to be at every single church event. Now that I have Daniel, I really can’t go to everything or stay after a certain point because of him on the occasions when I do make it to a special church dinner or service. I’ve been asked frequently what I do as a pastor’s wife and the answer is: “be married to the pastor”. That’s it. There are some things I *like* doing and some areas which fit my gifts but I’m not a hugely visible presence these days.

A secret keeper.

I’m privy to a large amount of information because I’m married to Jon. Without trying, I hear from people about all the dirt happening in the parish because people either tell me or I overhear phone calls. I’ve had a number of people try to get me to spill on what I’ve heard about someone and my answer is usually that I know nothing about that and that I don’t want to know. Anything I hear stays with me unless it falls under the mandatory reporting category, at which point the proper authorities will be notified. (Jon is a mandatory reporter and I am by extension.)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go pop some popcorn to eat while sitting back and watching my troll self-destruct. Later days, y’all!

5 thoughts on “The Type of Pastor’s Wife I Am

  1. You’re pretty forthright on your blog, which is probably what makes her think that you’re that way at church. But your blog is hard to find by members of your church, isn’t it? The church name is fake and I’m sure you don’t advertise it as you’d like a place to rant a little. I wonder if she’s exactly the same IRL as she is on the internet?

    • No clue. I know she’s had a great deal of pain in her life.

      I’m *really* secretive about my blog. I never use my last name EVER and I google myself monthly to see if my name or ::Meditatio:: come up. Anything really scandalous is passworded and only a select few have the password.

      • The reason I’m not completely flipped out over it is that I know she wrote it from a place of pain and that she doesn’t think it. It also went to comment moderation so I applied my comment policy to it and edited it to make it positive toward me.

  2. I’m so sorry someone felt like they had permission to write those things to you. Peace to you!

  3. Oh man I know what you mean about the secrets…………the drama/politics that go on at churches is UNBELIEVABLE! I never knew it existed until my mom started working for the church and got older.

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