Author Archives: Jen

About Jen

Jen isn't quite sure when she lost her mind, but it is probably documented here on Meditatio. She blogs because the world needs her snark at all hours of the night... and she probably can't sleep anyway.

Lenten Worship Music (VI)

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I’m wracking my brain to think of where I heard this song first but all I know is that I ordered the CD immediately upon hearing it. It’s on a CD called “New Irish Hymns” and at last count, there were 4. (I have 3 of them on my iTunes.) I’ve sung it once or twice in worship and I think the most amazing time was when I went into the medium security prison near where we lived in Montana and helped with worship. (I’ll write about my prison experiences another time.)

Another reason I like it is that it is theologically correct. I sometimes have a problem with contemporary praise songs because the words convey some seriously bad theology or it’s “Jesus is my boyfriend” stuff (translation: you could sing the song to your significant other and they wouldn’t be able to tell that it wasn’t a love song). This one, however, conveys the faith as laid out in the creeds.

The lyrics:

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied –
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

And of course, we have the music. This recording is off of “New Irish Hymns” and has Margaret Becker, Joanne Hogg, and Maire Brennan singing.

Adam Savage at the Reason Rally

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I used to read Blag Hag because I believe in reading a variety of viewpoints. I had to stop, however, because any time I commented and expressed my shock at the bad behavior of conservative Christians, I had people essentially say, “Thanks for speaking up and by the way, you’re a twit for believing what you do.” Yeah. Thanks. It’s not like I had to struggle with my beliefs and it’s not like I’ve held the atheist viewpoint at any point in my life, right? (I have. I’m a convert to Christianity. Ask me about it some time.)

Having said all that, I heard about the Reason Rally and because I subscribe to Adam Savage’s Twitter feed, I saw several links to his speech there. As I’m a fan of the show, I decided to take a listen. I was not disappointed. (Warning: some questionable language)

Why is this speech not threatening to me as a Christian? Well, he’s not aiming to be offensive for one thing. Unlike P.Z. Myers, he’d like to understand viewpoints that differ from his. He wants to get along. This is refreshing.

Another reason this speech is not threatening: he sees the incredible in the advances we’ve made in the sciences and how awesome they are even if he doesn’t credit the divine for them. He sees the good in people. Granted, this is in opposition to us being sinful and broken people but it’s better than being called a bigot and closed-minded because I happen to acknowledge that I believe in sin.

I also happen to be OK with the dichotomy of Genesis and the theory of evolution. I’m not a young earth Creationist. I never have been and I probably never will be. Evolution was the part of Biology I liked the best and the unit test on which I scored the highest. It doesn’t mean that I don’t see God’s fingerprints in Creation nor does it mean that I completely negate Genesis. The Big Bang theory makes sense and is not in direct opposition to Genesis 1:1.

Most of all, I’m OK with the speech because I believe in listening to other people if they’re willing to at least entertain the idea that I’m entitled to my own beliefs.

Sometimes I feel like Paul at the Areopagus (sometimes translated as Mars Hill) because I see people putting science on a pedestal and sometimes in talking to people, I see something in them that wants to believe in something bigger than themselves but they feel like they’ll be ridiculed for doing so. Part of my struggle with Christianity in the years before I converted was how to reconcile the empirical data I find in science with the fact that the Bible states that the Lord created everything. It’s not my thorn but it’s something with which I wrestled — my tentatio. The way I ended up reconciling it is to accept the things we can empirically prove but to also accept that there will be things we cannot explain and that it is perhaps not my place to know the origin of everything. One annoying thing that western Christianity does is parse out every mystery of God — Orthodox theology is more content to let some things remain a mystery and I find that it is easier to work with that particular paradigm rather than the one in which everything is parsed.

??For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,?? declares the LORD. ??As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
–Isaiah 55:8-11 (NIV)

And I seriously agree with the guy who comes on at the end of the video: it would have been cool if Adam had blown something up. It is not, however, prudent to do so on the Washington Mall at this point in time.

Just A Thought

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I’m blocked in terms of what to write so I went and googled “C.S. Lewis quotes” to find something for inspiration:

“If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.” (HT: Brainy Quote)

This is not a total surprise because we as Christians are so consumed with the world in which we inhabit. We’ve created sanitized versions of secular books, music, and culture to enable us to live in this world that I think we forget at times that we’re not of this world and as such, we should be directing our thoughts toward where we are going and the things that will get us there. Social justice seems to be absent from many (though not all) large evangelical churches and usually found in the mainline or liberal Christian traditions. Considering how derisively these traditions are spoken of by conservative Christians, isn’t it ironic that they’re doing the work that Jesus commanded us to do? I know that there are a lot of conservative evangelical churches doing amazing things with outreach but they’re not the ones I hear about hosting food pantries, running soup kitchens, collecting clothes for the homeless, rounding up school supplies for disadvantaged children, and actually getting into things enough to get their hands dirty. What does that say about their focus and what they are teaching their members?

Just a thought.

Learning to Trust

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The lovely and irreverent Kate of ImperfectKate posted on perspective today and I think she has a point so I’m using her post as a jumping-off point. There is some language (it wouldn’t be Kate if there wasn’t) but it’s worth reading. Go read it. Do it now. I’ll wait here.

*crickets chirping*

Now that you’re back, I’ll answer that the way my perspective is shifted and my focus realigned is to have the rug pulled out from under me. For example, I was in the candidacy process for ministry in the ELCA in 2003… and was rejected. Hindsight being 20/20, me doing seminary would have destroyed my marriage. We always ended up far enough away from a seminary that I’d have to reside on campus during the week and that would not be a way to have a marriage, especially a new one. In addition to destroying my marriage, it would have put me in a precarious position because my current Lutheran denomination doesn’t permit the ordination of women and in order for Jon to take a call with them, I would have to leave the ministry.

Another example of shifting perspective/realigning focus is Daniel. Every time I think I’ve got the parenting thing down, he pulls a game changing move which throws things into flux. He was born prematurely, he was hospitalized for 3 weeks last March with an unknown respiratory virus, he had another hospital stay at Thanksgiving, and he was diagnosed with autism in January. The autism diagnosis threw an already precarious situation (developmental delays) into even more flux and I find that I’m parenting by the seat of my pants. I’ve been forced to lean on my church ladies which is hard because while the ladies at Metanoia are seriously awesome, I’ve had people in my life screw me over and it’s a lesson in learning to trust.

Learning to trust God is probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life. I’m a convert to Christianity and I’ve now hit the point where I’ve been part of the faith longer than I haven’t if that makes any sense. (It’s been 17 years which means it’s been over half my life.) I may have been Christian for a long time but I still have the convert mentality that I have to have solutions to everything and I have to rely on myself. It’s the reason why the Holy Spirit’s 2×4 gets a decent work-out in smacking me in the head — if I could do it myself, I wouldn’t need God and Christ’s death on the Cross would be meaningless. Quoting the answer to the Third Article of the Creed in Luther’s Small Catechism:

I believe that I cannot by my own reason or strength believe in Jesus Christ, my Lord, or come to Him; but the Holy Ghost has called me by the Gospel, enlightened me with His gifts, sanctified and kept me in the true faith; even as He calls, gathers, enlightens, and sanctifies the whole Christian Church on earth, and keeps it with Jesus Christ in the one true faith; in which Christian Church He forgives daily and richly all sins to me and all believers, and at the last day will raise up me and all the dead, and will give to me and to all believers in Christ everlasting life. This is most certainly true.

(For my Catholic readers: think of this as one of the catechisms produced by St. Peter Canisius.)

In other words, I can’t come to God wholly on my own but do so with the help of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit enables me to work on my trust issues with God and as my trust issues improve, so does my focus and my perspective. Is it perfect? Far from it. Do I have issues with belief? More often than I like to admit. The important thing is that I’m moving forward on my journey through this world to the next and each step I take in faith is a step toward complete faith.

Hymns That Speak to Me Right Now (III)

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Again, I’m finding myself with insomnia in the wee hours of the morning with severe writer’s block so I’m going to continue posting on hymns and praise songs that speak to me at this moment. “It Is Well With My Soul” has long been one of my favorite hymns and one that I *know* I sang to Daniel in both the NICU and PICU. (I distinctly remember the NICU experience because I was rocking him and he was just looking up at me like I had created the entire world just for him.) I learned it during my college years in Intervarsity and it is one that I have loved since then. I think the reason I love it so much is that it bears the message that in the midst of everything that can happen, we are called to be at peace and to be able to say “it is well with my soul”.

The story behind this hymn according to Cyberhymnal: This hymn was writ?ten af?ter two ma?jor trau?mas in Spaf?ford??s life. The first was the great Chi?ca?go Fire of Oc?to?ber 1871, which ru?ined him fi?nan?cial?ly (he had been a weal?thy bus?i?ness?man). Short?ly af?ter, while cross?ing the At?lan?tic, all four of Spaf?ford??s daugh?ters died in a col?li?sion with an?o?ther ship. Spaf?ford??s wife Anna sur?vived and sent him the now fa?mous tel?e?gram, ??Saved alone.?? Sev?er?al weeks lat?er, as Spaf?ford??s own ship passed near the spot where his daugh?ters died, the Ho?ly Spir?it in?spired these words. They speak to the eter?nal hope that all be?liev?ers have, no mat?ter what pain and grief be?fall them on earth.

Here are the four verses usually found in hymnals:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

The recording is of Chris Rice singing it off of his album “Peace Like A River”:

Anniversary Posting: “As the Bridegroom to His Chosen”

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Today is my 10th wedding anniversary and unfortunately, I didn’t put any post seeds together on Wednesday night so I’m having to come up with something at 2 a.m. Go me.

I got a CD of Rutter pieces from my mom for Christmas a few years ago and this one is probably my favorite. It is called “As the Bridegroom to His Chosen” and is based on poem written by the 14th Century German Dominican, Johannes Tauler (1300-1361).

The lyrics:

As the bridegroom to his chosen, as the king unto his realm,
As the keeper to the castle, as the pilot to the helm.
As the captain to his soldiers, as the shepherd to his lambs,
So, Lord, art thou to me.

As the fountain in the garden, as the candle in the dark,
As the treasure in the coffer, as the manna in the ark,
As the firelight in the winter, as the sunlight in the spring
So Lord art thou to me.

As the music at the banquet, as the stamp unto the seal,
As refreshment to the fainting, as the winecup at the meal,
As the singing on the feast day, as the amen to the prayer,
So Lord art thou to me.

As the ruby in the setting, as the honey in the comb
As the light within the lantern, as the father in the home,
As the eagle in the mountains, as the sparrow in the nest,
So Lord art thou to me.

As the sunshine in the heavens, as the image in the glass,
As the fruit unto the fig tree, as the dew unto the grass,
As the rainbow on the hilltop, as the river in the plain,
So Lord art thou to me.

The first three verses are Tauler and I believe Rutter wrote the 4th verse? (I’m trying to recall from the album notes which are at home and I’m in the guest room at my parents’ house.)

It’s sung on this YouTube video by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and they do it complete and absolute justice.

7 Quick Takes — Writing About Music, Blegging for Promise Walk Donations, and a Synopsis of My Life

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7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

We didn’t get to have dinner with friends on Friday. Between Daniel and I and the weather, it was not a good idea to venture northward into the Sierra foothills. Daniel was better than Wednesday but had thrown up that morning and I hadn’t slept well meaning that I was not going to be great dinner company. (Sleep deprivation does not do good things to me.) The weather was foul and I actually did well by only going to Elk Grove to get a new router and then for some basic groceries. The upside of the rain was that I just had to leave Daniel’s crib mattress out in the morning and it got washed off.

— 2 —

Dinner with my parents, evil twin, and his fiancée was excellent. The only downside was Daniel being grumpy because he couldn’t go outside and play in the rain as well as not having a full nap. Dinner was lovely and it was good to see Sean (the evil twin) and Jeanette again. We also got to see Daniel sign “more” spontaneously as we bounced him on Jeanette’s exercise ball. When he signed it, he got LOTS more bouncing. We’ve been trying to get him to do this for almost 2 years so this was some pretty sweet success.

— 3 —

Sunday, I slept until 4 p.m. with a few wakings to change Daniel’s diaper and take care of his basic needs. I think my body was kind of tired of me beating it into submission through all the sleep deprivation. Thankfully, our living room and hallway are Daniel-proof and Jon got home at noon so Daniel wasn’t without supervision for too long. (I fell asleep in the recliner in the living room so I would have heard if he was screaming or if something happened.) I also think there was some leftover Sudafed in my system or something?

— 4 —

My 10th wedding anniversary is Friday so we headed to San Jose today. The purpose of going to San Jose is obtaining cheap babysitting via my parents and also having an Olive Garden close enough for dinner. Yes, I’m aware that Olive Garden is the McDonalds of Italian food. However, I’m trying to be faithful about not eating meat on Fridays and I know that their calamari and minestrone soup are not going to irritate my stomach.

— 5 —

It’s been nice weather for the past two days. Fortunately (or unfortunately if you have outside plans this weekend), we are supposed to be having rain in the forecast for the next few days. From here, it looks like it will just be north of us and hopefully not in the south bay — I want to have park time with Daniel this weekend. The fresh air is good for him and all the climbing and chasing is good for me.

— 6 —

I’ve been really blessed by all the music posting I’ve been doing lately. I wrote last week about all the writer’s block I’ve been having. I decided that I’d focus some more of my Lenten writing on hymns and songs that are reaching me. I had been wanting to talk about “Brethren We Have Met to Worship” for a long time as well as the song “If I Stand” by Rich Mullins. The coolest thing about doing the Rich Mullins post is that I found a YouTube video of him performing it. He died in a car accident (for the love of God people, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE wear your seatbelts!!!!) just as I was learning about him and his music so I’ve felt cheated in a way because I never got to see him perform. Finding the YouTube video was an answer to a prayer and desire that I don’t think I’ve ever vocalized.

— 7 —

At this time 3 years ago, I had swollen hands and some pretty spectacular cankles. My body was starting to feel the effects of the HELLP Syndrome and we didn’t connect the pieces until I went into full-on preeclampsia on the night of April 6th. Being part of the Promise Walk last year was one of the most healing things I think I’ve ever done because I got to know others who had dealt with some of the same things I did. Please sponsor me and help fund studies so that we can know more about this condition and help to prevent it from occurring in others.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.