Author Archives: Jen

About Jen

Jen isn't quite sure when she lost her mind, but it is probably documented here on Meditatio. She blogs because the world needs her snark at all hours of the night... and she probably can't sleep anyway.

Observing Grief (X)

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Well… the memorial plans for my grandfather have been set.

May 20th: Memorial service in Mt. Vernon for the people in the community and in their church

June 10th: Family service and internment of ashes in family cemetery in Oregon.

Jon and I are going to fly out on the 8th and stay with some former neighbors of mine in Salem and then will head south to Albany on the 9th.Â? We fly back to Montana on the 12th.Â? It’s going to be the first real vacation we’ve had in probably a year and a half.

I’ve gotten to the point where I can actually say “my grandfather passed away” without twinges of grief.Â? It might be that I went through the 5 stages awhile ago or something but this hasn’t been hard to grieve.

God or the Girl

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If any of you have a chance to catch this on A&E (especially any Catholics or those discerning their call to ministry), I highly recommend it.Â? It takes 4 Catholic young men in their 20’s and traces their path of discernment over a month.Â? In the last episode, they make their decision and then it shows them 6 months later.

It was incredibly powerful for me to watch because I’ve been in their shoes (discerning a call to ordained ministry) though my decision didn’t have to be between God or marriage.Â? (Thank you Martin Luther for lifting the celibacy requirement for clergy!)Â? I’ve seen that since I gave up trying to place myself in seminary, the Lord has showed me a path that I hadn’t thought of taking that incorporates my gifts and is opening a door on finishing up my Master’s degree.Â? I am still discerning but I definitely related to the decision that one of the men made to stop actively discerning and to let the Almighty guide his steps and just live in the present.

For those who wonder about how the Roman Catholic Church is treated in this, be assured that it portrays these men as very “real” people and shows their emotions as they’re going through the process as well as how dedicated they are to their faith.Â? Their faiths are just so beautiful and inspiring and it showed me why I am thankful for the Church’s contribution to my Lutheran heritage.Â? (Martin Luther didn’t start kvetching until 1517.Â? That leaves more than 1450 years of the catholic [i.e. “universal”] Church and the Holy Spirit’s inspiration moving in this world.)

So… if you have an opportunity to see it, please watch it.Â? It is so worth your while.

Learn to Whine Convincingly

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I didn’t fall asleep until about 3 this morning (shouldn’t have slept in yesterday…) so I was feeling icky and tired today.Â? I commented to one of the nurses (who is also a parishioner) that if I’d been thinking, I would have had Doc-Who-Was-On-Duty see me because I thought I might have a sinus infection.Â? Her response: “Go ask him.”

So I went and told him that I thought I might have a sinus infection and would probably not be able to see my normal doc for a week and asked politely if he would pleasepleaseplease look at me.Â? He checked my ENT (ear/nose/throat) and wrote me a script for antibiotics.Â? I thanked him profusely and went and re-scheduled 2 of his procedures off of his on-call day.Â? It was the least I could do.Â? 🙂

Hellooooo Sinus Infection

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My neck was bugging me last night and the lovely Flexeril tablet I took made me sleep until 1:30 pm today with a few phone interruptions.Â? Ever since I got up, it’s been like I’m floating on a happy cloud. Lalalalalalalalalalalaaaaa…

Jon’s at a pastor’s conference until tomorrow so I drove to Town Where I Work and got my gas cap back from the gas station where I left it yesterday and curled up in the town cafÃ? for lunch.Â? Came home and decided to actually get online and check email.Â? 4 hours later… I’m still here.Â? I discovered the A Day in My Life community on LJ.Com and I swear it’s worse than MySpace in terms of addiction.

Oh yeah… the sinus infection: I’m stuffed up, have had headaches where the front of my face feels like I’ve been in a boxing match, and my ears are plugged.Â? Hopefully this all disapates a little because I can’t see my PCP for about a week.Â? (I work Monday – Wednesday next week and have stuff in Great Falls on Thursday which means that I can’t see my normal doc until Friday.)Â? Perhaps one of the docs at the clinic where I work will take pity on me and just call in some drugs?Â?Â? I doubt it but one can dream.Â? This could also just be allergies…

My Weekend

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The Good Friday service was very meditative and meaningful.Â? (I have a problem talking about the “excellence” of a service where we crucify a guy just for being nice.Â? Oh yeah… there’s that realization of Him dying for my sins and well… “good” doesn’t describe the service adequately.)

Jon had an Eagle Court to attend on Saturday so I went into SBY and had lunch and then curled up at my favorite coffeeshop/boutique and read my copy of “Real Simple”.Â? We don’t do Easter vigil so I had a quiet night.

I skipped the sunrise service on Sunday morning — my neck was really achey and I didn’t fall asleep until 1 so I decided to sleep in until the more reasonable hour of 7 a.m.Â? I did the second and third services at church which was great — traditional hymns where I could sing harmony and enjoy myself.

We had Easter dinner (noon meal) with a family at Church #3.Â? I work with the wife (she’s a nurse) and they ended up having all their kids home for the first time in ages.Â? Jon went and shot at things with their sons and daughter after dinner while their daughter-in-law and I took a walk.

Before dinner, their daughter, daughter-in-law, and I dyed Easter eggs.Â? Dude… I can’t wait to see the pictures of the three of us.Â? Their daughter and I colored our fingers all sorts of colors in the process and had a great time of it.Â? :)Â? I think it was the first time in maybe 9 years (?) that I colored eggs and I had forgotten how much fun it is.

Other than the sheer disappointment at no Grey’s Anatomy last night (!!!!!!!!!!!!!), it was actually a good holiday weekend.Â? If only I had gotten this morning to sleep in…

(Actually, I got up easily and willingly this morning — I love my job that much.)

A Hymn for Good Friday…

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We sang this tonight at the Good Friday service. It is one of my favorite Holy Week hymns.

Ah, holy Jesus, how hast Thou offended,
That man to judge Thee hath in hate pretended?
By foes derided, by Thine own rejected,
O most afflicted.

Who was the guilty? Who brought this upon Thee?
Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone Thee.
â????Twas I, Lord, Jesus, I it was denied Thee!
I crucified Thee.

Lo, the Good Shepherd for the sheep is offered;
The slave hath sinned, and the Son hath suffered;
For manâ????s atonement, while he nothing heedeth,
God intercedeth.

For me, kind Jesus, was Thy incarnation,
Thy mortal sorrow, and Thy lifeâ????s oblation;
Thy death of anguish and Thy bitter passion,
For my salvation.

Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay Thee,
I do adore Thee, and will ever pray Thee,
Think on Thy pity and Thy love unswerving,
Not my deserving.
–LBW 123

Why Can’t My Church’s Publishing House Be This Cool?!?!?!?!?

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I know I’m going to end up enduring the flames of Hades (or the ice depending on how much of a sin reading Dooce is) but…

I heart Heather Armstrong and I so heart the review she does of this book.

*heavy sigh* Lutherans just don’t do the apocalypse thing that well.Â? Heaven for us will be hotdish and jello and singing hymns in “the mother tongue”. (Umm… is that German?Â? Norwegian?Â? Swedish?Â? Danish?Â? Swahili?)Â? We’re too nice to conceive of all the crap in the Left Behind books.Â? Well… I shouldn’t say that because there is a semi-fundie strain in some ELCA churches that is into that stuff.Â? (Isn’t “Focus on the Family” a little *not* in line with some orthodox Lutheran tenets?)