Author Archives: Jen

About Jen

Jen isn't quite sure when she lost her mind, but it is probably documented here on Meditatio. She blogs because the world needs her snark at all hours of the night... and she probably can't sleep anyway.

Once Was Lost But Now Is Found (I)

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Laura has been located. The heavens and the earth rejoice. (We really do miss you Laura!)

In chapel today, there was the discussion of fear and what fears were acceptable (snakes, bugs, touching hot stoves) and that in all other cases, we have been given a spirit of adoption so that when we are afraid, we can cry out, “ABBA!!!” and we will be calmed by our Heavenly Abba. It was a good sermon and thankfully we weren’t sitting in a cold chapel around a fire pit that could have been lit and providing us with heat (not that this happened on Tuesday… noooooo….). The music was also out of This Far by Faith, which is the African-American hymnal, so it was lively.

My Borg/Wright paper will probably be on the sections entitled “God Raised From the Dead” and “Was Jesus God?”, in which Marcus Borg and N.T. Wright square off on the subjects of the resurrection and the divinity of Jesus. (All of this related to a book called The Meaning of Jesus where they pair a chapter by Marcus Borg with a chapter by N.T. Wright. It’s an interesting book and I recommend it for people who want to see what the spectrum of thought is in Christianity.) I’m choosing to write on these two because there is such a dichotomy between the two positions as Borg gives the standard Jesus Seminar responses and N.T. Wright gives the standard orthodox Anglican responses. And yes, I’m using this journal entry to organize my thoughts. (Welcome to Jen’s Mind. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and do not exit the vehicle without letting the attendants know.) I’m much more pro-Wright than I am pro-Borg (mostly because I am one of those strange people who believes in the resurrection and that Jesus was the Son of God).

I appreciate Wright’s discussion of the theories on resurrection in the first part of the chapter. He talks about the Ezekiel 37 passage where God rebuilds bodies from bones to sinews to flesh to life. He also talks about the various spectrum of beliefs on the resurrection at the time of the Crucifixion from the Pharisaic belief to the Sadducees who did not believe in an afterlife. This is probably really boring to most normal people but it fascinates me, especially since our belief in most Christian churches is the resurrection of the body and it should be understood what that entails. Does this mean that when I die, I will come back a (divinely beautiful) 21st century femina or will it be a more perfect body? Next question, how will God accomplish this? I mean, when Jesus came back to see His disciples, He was walking through walls. The last time anyone tried that, they ended up bruised (and the subject of much ridicule and mirth). The disciples even test Jesus to see if He is a ghost.

Another thing that seems to relate to the resurrection was the Apostle Paul. He will acknowledge that his experience of being knocked off his donkey on the way to Damascus was the last appearance of Jesus Christ, and the fact that he took a 180 degree turn in attitude shows that this had to be something pretty darn significant. The disciples were the same way. They were hiding in a room because they were so afraid of the Jews coming and arresting them or ridiculing them for following someone like Jesus so blindly. There had to be something huge to change their attitude from completely dejected into completely victorious.

Next question: what about that empty tomb? I mean, you’d think if you laid someone in there on a Friday night, they would still be there on Sunday, especially if you rolled a rock in front of the door. The fact that it was WOMEN that first witnessed the empty tomb says something, especially since a woman’s testimony was worthless in those times. (No… Jen is not getting on the feminist Biblical scholar platform. Pipe down!) How did the body disappear and then appear elsewhere? The fact that the women were believed (and that it is noted that THEY found the tomb empty) says something. I’m not in the camp of Adrienne von Speyr who had visions of what happened on Holy Saturday (one of these things that my Systematic Theology Professor has mentioned) but I can accept that something did happen.

OK… lunchtime is here and I should probably eat before Liturgical Choir practice so I’ll add another entry of my “reflections” to this journal later. TTFN…

Worship and Such Things

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Academic Schtuff
I finished my Ministry of Worship paper at 13:25 (yes, I use European/hospital/military time) and spent the next 20 minutes trying to get it to print. I race into class only to hear my professor say, “Oh Jen! If you need more time on your paper, just give it to me on Wednesday. I’d rather have you in class on time than your paper on time.” *Jen gnashes her teeth* At least I have time to revise it…

In class today, we watched a Tridentine Mass from 1962 which was interesting and then compared it with a Mass done at St. Peter’s Church in Cleveland. It was interesting to see the comparison. The Tridentine Mass was very detached from the congregation as the priest said most of the major stuff quietly to himself wheras the contemporary Mass had the people standing around the altar. I think there is a place for the ethereal and reverential in life but one also needs to look at the communal things.

Last night when I had done my reflection paper on Baptism, Eucharist, and Ministry (basically the ecumenical understanding of most of the major sacraments), I was talking to Dane who was one of the leaders of my college fellowship and also one of my surrogate parents. I was explaining the paper topic to him and talking about my argument and he asked me one of the most obvious questions:

“Does contemporary music obviate the sacraments?”
My answer: “Ummmm…. yes and no. Let me email you on that.”

Leave it to a seeker and non-liturgical person to come up with the most obvious question that I should be asking! I rewrote portions of my paper based on my responses to that.

Life Schtuff
Currently, I’m sitting at the circ desk of the seminary library chilling since I go from 8:00 – 20:30 on Mondays and 8:00-21:30 on Wednesday. At least I have a break for dinner tonight, which is good because I have Seminary Choir at 7 and that’s one of those times when a full stomach is not a bad thing. I got a 15 minute lunch today because I was working on my paper and I’ve been going straight through since then. I have another paper to do tonight (New Testament I — I have to compare and contrast Marcus Borg and N.T. Wright on a subject from “The Meaning of Jesus”) which should be interesting to write. Borg drives me up the wall because he claims to be Christian but has some pretty heretical ideas. I’m much more inclined to agree with Wright — maybe because he is Anglican and the canon of Westminster Abbey while Borg is just a comparative religion professor at Oregon State — a school not known for its Religion program.

Faith Schtuff
I’ve been trying to learn the discipline of spending time in daily devotion for at least two years now. Honestly, I’m becoming disgusted at my inability do it. Maybe that’s a step, though: realizing that I can’t do it on my own. I know that my tendecy to rely on my own strength and ability is one of my greatest weaknesses as a Christian. It’s rooted in the (aggressively anti-Christian) way I was raised. I grew up in a fiercely independant, self-reliant family, and that way of living has brought me a great deal of worldly success. I often think it would be easier for me to surrender to and rely on God if I experienced more failure in my life, but for the most part, I don’t. And that makes it much, much too easy to ignore my Lord and plow through by myself. Right now I’m just trying to pray that God will teach me how to follow Him and be with Him, since I clearly don’t know. I feel like I’m stuck in an endless cycle, and every rotation dulls my awareness of God just a little more, draws me further from him and more into myself. I’d like to get out soon, please.
—Brianna (my beloved hostee) in her journal

That’s basically my same thought. My devotional life is sporadic at best right now because it seems like I’m just doing too much. One thing that we often talk about here is the tendency to get caught up in the academic things of religion and to not nurture the emotional and spiritual parts of ourselves. The last time I was able to spend five uninterrupted minutes of prayer before last Saturday was… umm…. maybe a few weeks before? This is really hard for me to deal with in myself because as a potential pastor, I really should be developing better habits. I’m going to be under just as much of a time crunch as a pastor and I need to at least get some devotional time in place. I feel like I am literally running like a headless chicken. I do attend chapel daily and I count my choir time as prayer but I really don’t get any personal devotional time like I should. Perhaps tomorrow morning when Jon is in class?

Topping all of this off, Jen *REALLY* wants a nap…

One more entry before working on papers

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Dinner was fabulous. Neither of us has expensive tastes so we managed to come out under $30 at a place where $50+ is the norm. I had some calamari and some spinach salad — the salad was probably the best part of the meal.

Over dinner, Jon and I were talking about the retreat and I commented on my conversation with J. David Hill, the Lutheran campus pastor at OSU who was leading the retreat. We were talking about Celtic Christianity and how it relates to Native American spirituality. While reflecting on it, I realized that both strongly emphasize a connection with the natural world that makes us a part of Creation. We are called to be stewards of creation, not just simply have dominion over it. He talked of having a place of sacred remembrance which sounds like the place I have in my mind from Santa Cruz. It was a spot at Stevenson College on the knoll overlooking East Field with a good view of the ocean. It was there I went to cry when I found out that Jon and Susie were together and where I finally said my good-byes to my friend Steve.

This all has really made me think about how I view the world. Was it created for me or was I created for it? I am just as much a part of it as the tree outside my window or the river flowing through downtown Columbus. This might be why my preferred prayer space is in the forest.

Birthday Schtuff

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Nobody sang to me at church this morning which was nice (I blush easily) but people did wish me a “Happy Birthday”. Jon came home about 45 minutes ago from playing with the Boy Scouts this weekend and now he’s chilling on the bed with Racky (his evil, belligerent, holey, sardonic stuffed raccoon). I can finally open the sewing machine that Mom got me and hopefully I’ll be able to go down to the quilting store and get some squares so I can practice on something. Thankfully, there’s a video that goes with the machine so I can learn to use it properly.

This afternoon, I’ll probably go work on papers after a nap and tonight, we’re going to the Monk for dinner. (It’s the pricey pub across the street.) We’ve got food in the apartment but we really don’t dress up and go out all that often. I’ll also probably bake some muffins so that I have food for this week and also some chicken so that I have lunch for the next few days. I’ve learned that it’s easier to just cook food ahead of time and refrigerate it.

Love Letter from God

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In case you ever wonder about how much God loves you….

But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
“For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I have given Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your place.
“Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you,
I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.
“Do not fear, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
And gather you from the west.
“I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
And to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring My sons from afar
And My daughters from the ends of the earth,
Everyone who is called by My name,
And whom I have created for My glory,
Whom I have formed, even whom I have made.”
–Isaiah 43:1-7 (NASB)

(We meditated on this passage in the retreat today.)

Retreats and Reflections

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Retreat|*|We had a spiritual retreat today and about 8 of us from the seminary attended. It was led by the Lutheran chaplain from OSU who happens to be Native American and trained in spiritual direction by the Franciscans. We did have some quiet time to reflect but we also had some group discussion times. I feel somewhat more renewed spiritually and I am working on ways to fit prayer in next week in the midst of everything else…

Our discussion of spirituality was strongly focused on the more ancient ways like the Desert Fathers and Mothers and the Celtic Church (yay!!!) as well as Native American beliefs. Nature imagery does figure into my spirituality and I have to sometimes fight the tendency to worry about whether or not I’m turning too Wiccan or New Age. (No offense intended to those of you who are Wiccan or New Age.) What I am worshipping is created by God and I see divine fingerprints in it. However, I need to make sure I recognize that it’s the Creator who I pay homage to and not the creation. The Celtic prayers and blessings however really bring me closer to God, perhaps because they are so all-encompassing. For example:
Delightful it is to stand on the peak of a rock,
in the bosom of the isle,
gazing on the face of the sea.
I hear the heaving waves chanting a tune to God in heaven;
I see their glittering surf.

I see the golden beaches;
their sands sparkling;
I hear the joyous shrieks of swooping gulls.

I hear the waves breaking , crashing on rocks,
like thunder in heaven.
I see the mighty whales.

I watch the ebb and flow of the ocean tide;
it holds my secret,|*|my mournful flight from Eire.

Contrition fills my heart as I hear the sea;
it chants my sins, too numerous to confess.

Let me bless Almighty God,
whose power extends over sea and land,
whose angels watch over all.

Let me study sacred books to calm my soul;
I pray for peace,
kneeling at heaven’s gates.

Let me do my daily work,
gathering seaweed, catching fish, giving
food to the poor.

Let me say my daily prayers, sometimes chanting,
sometimes quiet, always thanking God.

Delightful it is to live on a peaceful isle,
in a quiet cell,
serving the King of kings.
–“Columba’s Rock” from Celtic Prayers by Robert Van de Weyer
(If you want to know the reason for Columba’s flight from Eire, read this portion of my senior seminar paper)

I love this prayer because it uses the ocean and its sounds as a metaphor for our praise to God. [shameless plug] If you want to know more about this kind of thing, let me recommend my senior seminar paper. [/shameless plug]

Other Life Things
My mom sent me a very cute card for my birthday (which is tomorrow) with an orange kitten on it who has its head resting on two pears. The inside says “It’s your birthday — a catnap is being taken in your honor!” (To say I’m a cat person is *VERY* mildly understating it.) Inside the card were a few pictures — two of Jon and I in the church and one of Jon and I and our respective parents.

Law and Order
I watched the special episode of “Law and Order: SVU” last night and it was powerful. They decided to tackle the issue of molestations in the Catholic Church. Eric Stolz, the one who played the priest in question, was interested in doing this episode because he knew people personally who were molested by priests. The episode was interesting in that it had the normal plot twists and it was also a very contemporary issue. I read today about LA officials investigating Cardinal Roger Mahoney for failing to report sexual abuse, per a California law that requires clergy to report it within 36 hours unless it falls under the sacrament of confession. (We have this same law ingrained on our brains at the seminary because there is such a possibility of law suits otherwise.) In the episode, this dialogue took place:

The Priest: I became a priest to serve God and the Church
Detective: And those children aren’t part of the church?
…
The Priest: I have to do everything in my power to protect the pentitent.
Detective: What about the faithful? Who protects us?

When the priest exposes the perpetrator (by breaking the seal of confession), the perpetrator (who I will not name unless you email me and tell me that you want to know who the real molestor was) explains that the priest will be defrocked and excommunicated, losing all access to the sacraments for breaking the confession and losing their soul, the priest responds: “Actually, I think I’m saving it.”

Very powerful and interesting episode.

Weekly Summation

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This Week’s Entries
I’ve written a lot about worship this week that I do not usually say. I am not sure if it is because things have just upset me more than they usually do this week or because I am writing a paper on contemporary worship and am more attuned to what is going on around me.

The results of the survey were overwhelmingly in favor of “blended worship” in which liturgy is maintained but some contemporary elements are used. This did not surprise me too much because most of the “contemporary” services I attend are mostly older people (i.e. 65-70 year olds). The “gen-X” services that work in the Lutheran church are occasionally the “contemporary” services that seek to copy the way they do things in the Vineyard churches but mostly the services where there is a sense of integrity maintained with some newer music. Community Church of Joy, probably the largest church in the ELCA, does things similar to the Vineyard, but they’ve lost their Lutheran identity and become just another mega-church. While I know that mega-churches are just serving their communities, it does beg the question of what their parishioners will do when they move and their local Lutheran church is nothing like that.

After the amount of thinking that I’ve done, I’ve realized that I would probably not be OK with the idea of starting a contemporary service if I was a pastor unless the exact words of the call committee were, “we want to bring more people to Jesus Christ” and not “we want to attract more people to our church.” I know plenty of churches that do worship well but are unfriendly. There are also churches that make a mockery of worship but are very friendly. My first thought on attracting people would be to make sure that whatever worship we were doing was done well. I would also want to take whatever steps were necessary to make sure that visitors felt welcomed and were able to get through the service without getting lost. There are ways of doing this without eliminating liturgy altogether.

Life In General
I have been so overwhelmed and exhausted lately. I was planning on taking my permit test this week only to have those plans shot down by having to schedule my table practice (basically demonstrating how you preside and assist at the Eucharist) today after chapel and having to go to worship team practice this afternoon. My devotional life has been random at best and I wasn’t even getting into the music in chapel today or at worship team practice. I think the retreat tomorrow will be beneficial to refocus me. I’ve been letting devotions slip because it’s hard for me to do them with someone else around. (And no Jon, it’s not your fault. I had the same problem while living with Carolyn.) I know it’s something that I have to get used to doing, but it is a really difficult change. I think it stems from having to be so secretive when I was home.

My wonderful and loving in-laws sent me a $25 gift certificate for Amazon.Com as a birthday present. (My birthday is the 19th. I’m really good at languages so it’s not surprising that I’m a Pentecost baby.) With it, I got the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook (because Jon and I are in desperate need of recipes and would *love* to find ones that we can cook and freeze and refrigerate for days when the two of us have meetings) and The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien, which I read in my junior honors English class.

I went to see the new kitten that my friends Kristi and Galen just got. It was a kitten that some other friends of ours had found in their apartment parking lot that was in dire need of a home. The poor kitten had a bite wound to the tail and looked pretty awful. They took it home, bathed it, and took it to the vet. When I came over tonight to see it, Kirby (the kitten) looked *so* much better. He has part of the fur on his tail shaved off so that they could fix the bite wound and the fur around his neck looks like someone had either a rope or a really tight collar on it because it seems worn and Kirby is really sensitive about anyone touching it. He let me feel it (but then again, I have positive cat karma and I know how to do it without scaring the cat) and it does feel like he has some sores there. He is a very adorable light-colored tabby though and he is incredibly affectionate. I was sitting down in the basement where they are having to quarantine him and he came over and climbed into my lap and curled up in a purring ball. Jon and I were supposed to be the ones to have him but we can’t have a cat in the apartment we’re in so we’ve got visitation rights at Kristi and Galen’s. We’re also cat-sitting for them in two weeks so I’ll probably get lots of kitty time then. Their other cat, Mimi, is not amused at the moment because she has ceased to be the center of attention. 🙂