Author Archives: Jen

About Jen

Jen isn't quite sure when she lost her mind, but it is probably documented here on Meditatio. She blogs because the world needs her snark at all hours of the night... and she probably can't sleep anyway.

If I Stand

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There’s more that rises in the morning than the sun/ And more that shines in the night than just the moon/ It’s more than just this fire here that keeps me warm/ In a shelter that is larger than this room/ And there’s a loyalty that’s deeper than mere sentiments/ And a music higher than the songs that I can sing/ The stuff of Earth competes for the allegiance/I owe only to the Giver of all good things/ So if I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through/ And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace_ that first brought me to You/ And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs/ And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home/ There’s more than dances on the prairies than the wind/ More that pulses in the ocean than the tide/ There’s a love that is fiercer than the love between friends/ More gently than a mother’s when her baby’s at her side/ And there’s a loyalty that’s deeper than mere sentiments/ And a music higher than the songs that I can sing/ The stuff of Earth competes for the allegiance/I owe only to the Giver of all good things/ So if I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through/ And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace_ that first brought me to You/ And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs/ And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home. –Rich Mullins, “If I Stand”

I really see the Gospel in this song. It’s like someone saying, there is more behind all of these things than their mere existence. There is a force of life behind the wind that sweeps across the prairies and more to the force of the tide in the ocean. There is so much more power in the love between friends and the love of a mother for her child. I cannot abide by the people who say love is just a biological function — there is such a divine element to love — God is love — He created it and He gives us the ability to love others.

The chorus, So if I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through/ And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace_ that first brought me to You/ And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs/ And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home, brings me to tears because it really shows my walk with God. The promise that He will bring me through everything is what I live for much of the time, and I cherish the promise that I can fall on God’s grace_ when I cannot stand on my own. I love to sing religious music because it reflects the connection I have with my Heavenly Father. Sad songs show my ability to come to Him for solace and the more joyful ones allow me to praise Him for the works He has done in my life. I also am thankful every day that I can come to Him when I am weeping because the things of earth have saddened me (an occurrence that happens more and more these days). C/S

Weekend Plans

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it’s raining cats and dogs outside so i’m inside doing this page. i *was* going to go for a walk but the weather isn’t too condusive to doing it. oh well…

high street is holding a games night for the college group tonight and i’m hoping we have a good crowd and a rousing game of speed scrabble or balderdash. there will also be kathy’s brownies which are super sinful, making them the most chocolatey things on the planet.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

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well, i skipped my review session for lit 80a since i didn’t want to deal with my ta. i know the stories well so it shouldn’t be a bad midterm. i just can’t believe how angry i am with the ta that i’m getting reprimanded and the jerk who was baiting me is being upheld. the people at high street gave me some ideas on dealing with the situation. erazm suggested talking to the professor about setting norms for discussion so that respect issues can be discussed. other suggested that i try to switch sections.

i get my braces off in 6 days. woooohoooooo!!!!

my senior sem paper is up!

My Lit 80A TA is a Jerk!

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the midterm went ok. the lit 80a situation, however, isn’t. i emailed my ta with my viewpoint excluding the fact that i despise having to sit in a class where my religion is being ripped apart. i phrased my response in lit terms since i thought that would be the most productive thing. however, that backfired. i will admit that i should not have called my classmate’s question “ridiculous” but this was after having to listen to my classmates use our section time to bash God and to bash me. my classmate’s question had NOTHING to do with the text was worded and asked in a very imflammatory fashion. my ta responded back, telling me that he would not tolerate any disrespect from me toward my classmate. excuse me? what about my classmate’s asnine question which was clearly disrespect? i’m sorry that i have to pretend to be pc when that rule apparently isn’t needed for the rest of my class. my section should be an honest and objective look at the text and thanks to some stupid freshmen boys in my class, it isn’t. even my high school classes were more mature than these people. maybe i should have explained that it was so comforting to me that my non-christian classmates’ civil rights take precedence over mine…

Lit 80A Headaches

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yesterday was long and stressful and i didn’t get adequate sleep last night. i was barely functional today and something ended up happening in my lit 80a class that i seem to be getting flak for from both christians and non-christians. i’m also facing a nasty econ midterm tomorrow. please pray for me.

My Urbana CD arrived!!!!!

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my urbana cd arrived today. i am a VERY happy lepicat!!! it brings back really wonderful and powerful memories such as singing “o come emmanuel” and being reduced to tears because of the power of the song and how much i wanted it to come true. there was also the rockin’ house party for JC at the mother ship that yielded some of the coolest praise music. lastly, there was the ENTIRE mother ship providing the banquet of voices for “hallelujah, salvation and glory”.

my jewish lit paper is in. it’s not great but probably passing. i didn’t stay in class since i was nauseous and had a headache (migraines are lovely things, aren’t they?) so i missed out on discussing some short stories. oh well.

i get to help jill garden tomorrow. i’m still job searching but some physical labor should be really good to take my mind off of everything.

bonnie, you’ll get through this semester. your grades may not be great, but it will all be over in a few weeks.

Mike Supply-Preaching

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i went to first baptist church this morning because mike was speaking and it was really fun. the music was done by a praise band from first baptist– salinas and the speakers were all really good.

i have an econ review session and then an evangelism seminar today. then i get to write my jewish lit paper. i’m currently brainstorming it. i know that it will be on part of “call it sleep” by henry roth but i’m not sure of which scene yet.

the urbana cd is out now. go listen to it. do it now. i recommend “hallelujah, salvation and glory” — it’s acapella but the banquet of voices is just wonderful.

tourguiding yesterday was fun though i am amazed at how many people asked if we all ran around naked. my answer was always the same: “only at porter and that’s only during the first rainstorm”. (hey now porter people, you guys *do* go streaking around campus at a bizarre hour.) i think the “no nudity” law has been in place for about 4 years now. i think i also scared away some frosh by telling them that they couldn’t bring a car on campus their first year.