if i hadn’t realized how much i love jon and how well we suit each other, i realized it last night. i’ve had a really nasty week with problems from the insurance company that is handling my worker’s comp, from my bank as far as what the balance in my account really is, from my co-workers… i was in neurotic tears last night and instead of saying, “jen, i can’t deal with this — call me when things were better”, he sat and listened to me rage on about my problems and then he tried to sing me to sleep. i think i really need to keep this guy. 🙂

i did a bunch of girly home-ec stuff today. i made a feta-pesto-mozzerella calzone for lunch which was awesome and i made pizza from scratch tonight. since we have so much leftover cheese and sauce and pesto, i may just make a lasagna tomorrow morning before work for people to nosh on when they get home. i would also have loved to do some sewing but i’m afraid of breaking mom’s machine since i’ve never been able to thread it well.

sigh… why do i get involved in the politics on the compuserve fellowship forum? mikael responded back and what he said did hurt, but i still stand by my postion, mostly because my decision is backed up by my faith and that’s what should be governing my life. still… it does hurt to be on mikael’s bad side.

today was a frustrating day. i got tosses into jr’s with no idea what i was doing. (matt pointed out that i now know more than i did at this time yesterday. why is he right all the time? :)) i also got to back up café, which reminded me why i’m happy to be out of there. the next time i complain about missing the café, somebody please shoot me.

in my quiet time, my passage talked about praising the Lord. this is something that i really need to start doing as much of my prayer time is spent complaining to the Lord about my situation. yes, i am depressed in a bad way. yes, i am angry. yes, i want out of san jose and away from the yuppie scum that inhabit it and live off of their yuppie coffee and beamers. this still doesn’t mean that i shouldn’t be praising God for life, for what He has done for me, and just the fact that i lead a really privileged life.

well… it’s beem a looooong time since i’ve journalled and some big things have happened.

firstly… I HAVE HOUSING!!!!!!!!!!!! darlene called me on friday to let me know that i have a single room in descartes, which is an all female dorm!!!! i was literally dancing around the breakroom at work. i’m also realizing that it might be harder than i thouight to move to ohio. i’ve got my plane ticket and i wouldn’t mind living japanese style for a year (i.e. matress on the floor and very little furniture) but the other thing is gonna be finding affordable housing close to the sem. i figure that if God wants me to be there, He’ll give me some kind of housing, but it’s kind of daunting. the other question is what kind of job i’d have. since i can’t technically go to grad school for another two years, i’d need to find some kind of job so that i could save up for it (and furniture).

this evening, i’ve been really focusing on anger i have towards jon louie. i feel like he treated me like dirt last year in breaking promises of hang out time with me to be with susie or other friends. i also feel like he talked down to me and he deprecated any belief i had in myself because when he started dating susie again, i lost everything. carolyn didn’t understand how deep it was, though she was right in saying that i needed to accept that jon had found someone else. i just wish that it hadn’t hurt so much. i also wish that i could somehow release this anger i have towards him since i feel like everything he did was to make himself look better. sigh…

yesterday was a really wonderful day at work. i was working cash/wrap and taking care of customer orders instead of doing café. (café aggravates my wrist and i’m pretty sure that matt and the rest of management do not want to deal with the rest of the worker’s comp paper work if i sprain it again.) the customers were nice and none of them screamed at me (except one woman doing a return but she was the exception). jon’s call at 6 also really made my day more wonderful. i also ended up only 2? over when i counted my drawer at the end of my shift. this morning was a really weird morning. it’s incredibly humid and muggy today. it’s making the temperature feel in the 100’s instead of the mid-80’s.

i just cleaned leaves from a pretty good portion of our basil plants (if not all of them). mom trimmed down the basil plants since they were starting to blossom and you lose leaves when they blossom. so i spent three hours plucking leaves and washing them before making probably 8 cups of pesto. the pesto was wonderful on orzo tonight — a little too soft but that’s ok.

dori’s sermon was wonderful this morning. i think that the necessity of quiet times really needs to be emphasized. mine are tending to be too short but oh well… the passage i was reading for odb this evening was really good. it emphasized not just being ready for Christ’s coming but keeping ready. this means that i shouldn’t slack on my quiet times (not that i do) and that i should be doing confession as a regular part of my quiet times. for one thing, it removes guilt from me and it also keeps me reminded that i do have Someone in my life who will forgive me of everything i do and every mistake i make if i am truly sorry.

well… i managed to find out my schedule after bugging vanessa. (bob had gone home for the day.) i feel really bad since i know that she had other things to do but i also needed to know what was gonna happen and nobody was feeling like letting me know. john and ed were really cool about it. a bed in heaven be to them! (to quote ann the sarcastic grandmother i never had). i’m working later than i like but hey, i’m working. woohoo!!!!! i also got another day with jon which is pretty cool. i think i also needed the break from work for my own sanity. i’ve been looking at “day tripper”which is a really cool blog. maybe i should put mine up on my cats site like noe’s is.

during my devo time, i was reading john 11:17-44 (the lazarus story) and it brought to mind the question Jesus asks mary in the passage. He asks her if she believes, and my response is, “YES LORD!!!!!” (ok… i’m capitalizing. this *must* be important.:) ) yes, i believe. yes, i know that You are the way, the truth, and the life (john 14:6). yes, i place my trust in You. yes, i know that You are the messiah. yes, i believe that You give me life. yes, i believe that You died for me. now if i can only apply that to my housing situation… (i.e. yes, i believe that You will get me housing that is affordable and on campus or close to it!!!)