Category Archives: Personal Issues

7 Quick Takes — That Which Anchors Me Spiritually

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7 Quick Takes

I frequently feel like Abby Sciuto from this week’s episode of NCIS when it comes to faith. Being as inwardly focused as I am, my faith and my spiritual ponderings tend to be chaotic in my brain and like Abby, I need and want to make sense of the chaos. (In her case, it’s chemistry. In mine, it’s chaos in my soul.) There are some things that anchor me spiritually and those are what keep me in the faith. Those are the subject of my quick takes this week. And yes, I do wish I could rock the Goth look like Abby does. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work when one is married to a pastor — parishioners tend to prefer their pastor’s wife without excessive tats, clothes from Hot Topic, and piercings.

–1–

Liturgy. I’m a super-strong J on the MBTI. I crave order and liturgy provides that for me. I’m an Episcopalian by background (and truthfully Anglican by preference — I’m Lutheran partially because I’m married to a Lutheran pastor) and there is also just something really amazing about knowing that people around the world are using the same words as I am and praying the same prayers.

–2–

Hymnody. Given a choice in my church music, I prefer traditional hymns by far. It’s not to say that contemporary worship music does have its place — it’s not what anchors me and feeds me. I also find the words of the old hymns to be more spiritually fulfilling than that of modern worship music. This is what is stuck in my head right now.

–3–

KLOVE. KLOVE is a national Christian radio station based in the Sacramento area and it’s what I listen to when I’m out driving somewhere. I don’t love all the music on there (I tune out when it’s a song I can’t stand) but it’s free of all the obnoxious talk shows that pervaded the Christian station that we got in Montana. (There was a point at which I had to turn that one off and put on my iPod because I would be tempted to vomit from all the Focus on the Family crap and the pop-psychiatrists who espoused a much different view of Christianity, gender issues, and grace than that in which I believe.)

–4–

Creeds. The late great Christian theologian Jaroslav Pelikan was on the public radio show “On Being” (formerly “Speaking of Faith”) in 2003 and discussed the “need for creeds”. Quoting him (because it encapsulates my feelings perfectly): “My faith life, like that of every one else, fluctuates. There are ups and downs and hot spots and cold spots and boredom and ennui and all the rest can be there. And so I’m not asked on a Sunday morning, ‘As of 9:20, what do you believe?’ And then you sit down with a three-by-five index card saying, ‘Now let’s see. What do I believe today?’ No, that’s not what they’re asking me. They’re asking me, ‘Are you a member of a community which now, for a millennium and a half, has said, we believe in one God?”

–5–

Church Seasons. The church year starts in late November/early December (for those of us in the West) and ends in November with Christ the King Sunday. Its seasons follow the life and ministry of Christ and the establishment of the Church. For me, Advent is necessary for me to really celebrate Christmas (which is 12 days long) and Lent is necessary (with Holy Week) for me to really feel Easter. I’m a bit odd in that I love Advent and Lent. Holy Week is another part of the church year that I love in a strange way. (Is it completely wrong to enjoy the pensiveness and all of Good Friday?) Before I had Daniel, I had a much different experience of them. In the last two years, it’s been harder to have the experience that I had before because so much has happened. (Daniel was born during Holy Week in 2009 and I haven’t actually gotten to celebrate Holy Week since.) Still, they are central to how I live my life.

–6–

Quiet for Prayer. I am a bad pastor’s wife because I hate praying with others. (I *should* pray with Jon every night but it’s just uncomfortable for me so we don’t.) Part of it is that I’m moving away from having verbal diarrhea when I pray to just wanting to sit and be still. I think it may be that the two years since Daniel’s birth have been tempestuous for me and there are just some things that I cannot vocalize. Thankfully, the words of Romans 8:26-27 are true: In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. (NASB)

–7–

Luther’s Words. While I could actually pick something else for #7 if I reverted to Anglicanism or became Antiochian Orthodox, one of the reasons I became Lutheran in college was that Luther made sense to me. He bridged my Baptist sensibilities about Scripture and my Episcopalian love of liturgy. I’ve only been a Lutheran for 10 years but I find myself answering faith questions with pieces of the Small Catechism and the Augsburg Confessions. (I am not, however, anti-Semitic and I do not believe in the myth of the Roman Catholic church being the “whore of Babylon”.) I also have a strange desire to end statements with the phrase “this is most *certainly* true.”

–Bonus–

Fernando Ortega’s music. I became acquainted with him through a random recording of “Give Me Jesus” and found other examples on Napster. His last two non-Christmas albums have been music based on the offices in the Book of Common Prayer and as a liturgical Anglican-Lutheran hybrid, it soothes my soul in ways which cannot be described by words. His piano arrangements are heavenly (though frequently, I wish they were pieces that he would *sing* because they are some of my favorite hymns) and he does all the verses of hymns that deal with the Cross instead of glossing over them. The Cross is central to our faith as Christians and while I do not expect artists to sing all their songs about the blood and gore, it is nevertheless important to acknowledge its importance.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

Tetelestai

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I was a bit vague yesterday in my post but…

My cousin Erik passed away tonight. He was only 40 years old and had really struggled in life. I’m glad he finally has the peace he couldn’t find in life but I’m mourning the fact that I’ve lost any chance to have a relationship with him in this life.

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your servant, Erik. Acknowledge, we humbly beseech you, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming. Receive him into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light. Amen.

Please pray for me and for my family.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: June 6, 2011

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY June 6, 2011

Outside my window… cloudy with sprinkles. It should hopefully clear up by tomorrow.

I am thinking… about my extended family — some difficult decisions had to be made today by some of them.

I am thankful for… being able to be in San Jose yesterday and today as those decisions were being made. (I know I’m being vague but it’s kind of a touchy family issue.)

From the kitchen… pita and hummus.

I am wearing… grey maternity shirt and blue plaid boxer shorts that I sleep in during the summer.

I am creating… this entry.

I am going… hopefully nowhere big this week other than maybe San Jose for a funeral.

I am reading… In the Bleak Midwinter by Julia Spencer-Fleming.

I am hoping… I get decent sleep tonight.

I am hearing… Daniel’s musical toys.

Around the house… dishes and laundry to be done.

One of my favorite things… purry ginger tabbies and licorice cats.

A few plans for the rest of the week: I’m enjoying not having any day planned out except for Friday.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing… I’ll have new pictures next week, OK?

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

7 Quick Takes Friday — Weird Things About Me

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7 Quick Takes

I figured I’d do one of these posts where I name some quirks that I have.

–1–

I separate M&M’s, Skittles, jelly beans, and other candies by color and number. Why yes, I have seen “As Good As It Gets” and the jars of separated candies in Jack Nicholson’s apartment. Shut up.

–2–

I like my drinks cold. Stuff has to be refrigerated and cold for me to drink it. I even chill my glass.

–3–

I like my sheets cold. Jon knows not to “warm my spot” on the bed. The sheets have to be reasonably chilly. Cat-warmed sheets are acceptable however.

–4–

I hate watching movies of books that I’ve read. I’d prefer to use my imagination to visualize characters and watching someone’s interpretation of them ruins it for me. (I’m also a stickler for following the book which is why I haven’t gone beyond the third Harry Potter movie.)

–5–

I’m not a fan of pop-culture Christianity. Many people swear by The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren. I’d rather swear AT it. (Seriously, I hated the book so much that I had to stop at Day 32 because I was going to burn the thing if I didn’t.) I’m also not a fan of Joel Osteen (long rant there), Joyce Meyers, T.D. Jakes, or anyone else like that. I am, however, a fan of Billy Graham and Tony Campolo because they preach the Cross and repentance and not the patsy crap that the others espouse.

–6–

I have to have the tabs on scrollbar (or whatever that bottom thing is) in a specific order. I think we’ve established that I’m a little OCD.

–7–

I prefer the older hymns to modern worship music. Give me a good hymnal any day. I could care less about overhead projectors — I want to read the music and words and turn the pages. The older the hymn, the better.

(For more of this, head to Conversion Diary.)

7 Quick Takes Friday — 7 Things That Drive Me Batty

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7 Quick Takes

I’m in a car heading south so I’m putting this in the queue on Thursday to post Friday morning. I thought I’d take a break from atheism to post on things that drive me batty.

–1–

Allergies. Nothing is working for them this year. I can’t remember a year where they’ve caused me insomnia like they are now.

–2–

People who get to the front of line and then dither about what they want to eat. Seriously… you just stood in line for 10 minutes, had menus available to you, and you can’t figure out what you want?!?!?!?!? Mind moving aside and letting the rest of us get on with our lives while you dither?

–3–

People who stick their carts in the center of the aisle. You’d think this would be self-explanatory but I encounter it every freaking time I go to the grocery store or Target. It takes all my self-control not to have an icy tone when I say “excuse me” and much of the time, I don’t succeed.

–4–

Insurance companies. This bumper sticker applies.

–5–

People who fail to control their dogs. I’m not a dog person for a reason — I’ve dealt with too many stupid people who think that their dog charging me and jumping on me is funny. I wonder how funny it will be when I call the city and have their dog impounded.

–6–

People who park in the library parking lot on flea market days. The sign says “library parking only” in two languages (this is California after all) and I’m pretty sure you can read at least one of them. I’m sorry that you’re too lazy to find parking on the street but you’re really screwing things up for those of us that want to use the library and not have to lug our heavy tote bags of books 4 blocks.

–7–

People who smoke right outside public buildings. I think I’ve explained this before: smokers have no rights where my air supply is concerned. They need to be at least 15 feet from the entrance to a building and you had better darn well believe that I’m going to make sure that the distance is enforced as strictly as possible. Their filthy habit is not worth an asthma attack on my part.

(For more of this, head to Conversion Diary.)

The Problems with Married Priests?

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From Simcha Fisher (I’m quoting the whole thing so I can take this apart piece by piece):

Why doesn??t the Latin Rite Church just start ordaining married men again? If men can??t or won??t stay celibate, then why force the issue? Well, I peeked into the future, when married priests are commonplace, and this is what I heard in the pews:

??Well! I see the pastor??s wife is pregnant again! What is she trying to prove? Must be nice to pop ??em out year after year, while the parish has to support all those brats.??

or:

??Well! I see another year has gone by and the pastor??s wife still isn??t pregnant. A fine example they??re setting! I won??t have them teaching my children CCD, since his own wife is clearly on the Pill.??

and:

??I went to the rectory the other day to talk to Father about my divorce, and those damn kids of his wouldn??t shut up for a minute. Sounded like a herd of elephants running around up there ?? I couldn??t keep my thoughts straight. How can he give me advice about my family when he can??t even control his own???

or:

??I have to talk to someone about my kids, but I would never go to Father ?? his kids are so well-behaved, he could never understand what I??m going through. I swear, his wife must drug them or something ?? something ain??t right there.??

and:

??I see the pastor??s kids are taking tennis lessons! I guess they??re doing pretty well?? no need for me to leave anything in the basket this week, when we??re barely getting by.??

or:

??I see the pastor??s kids are wearing such ratty shoes. What a terrible example he sets! No one??s going to want to join a church that encourages you to have more kids than you can care for.??

and:

??I wanted to meet with Father to talk about the new brochures for the pro-life committee, and his secretary said he was busy ?? but on the drive home, I saw him at the McDonald??s playground, just fooling around with his kids! I guess I know where I stand in this parish! Harumph.??

or:

??Everyone thinks it??s so great that Father started all these holy hours and processions and prayer groups, but I saw two of his little ones sitting all alone, just looking so sad and neglected. It??s a shame that any children should grow up that way, without proper attention from their parents. Harumph.??

And so on, and so on. I??m sure you can think of more. Imagine if his wife had a job? Or imagine if she didn??t have a job? Imagine if his wife wore jeans? Imagine if she wore a veil? Imagine if he got an annulment, and then started a new family? Would the parishioners pay for alimony or child support? Imagine if the priest could get married, but was still single? Is he gay, or impotent? Is he hitting on me? Is he hitting on my daughter? [As Abby pointed out, no rite has ever allowed already-ordained priests to marry, so this wouldn’t be an issue!]

I??m paraphrasing here, but I remember a pathetic prayer uttered by the semi-fictional Don Camillo: ??Please, merciful Lord, if I have to blow my nose while I??m up at the altar, let me do it in a way that doesn??t offend anyone.??

And it wouldn??t just be a matter of doing the right thing and shrugging off unjust gossip ?? it would be so hard to know what is the right thing to do. I see how my husband struggles to work hard at his job, make enough money, and strategize for the future, because we??re all depending on him ?? and then comes home and puts it all aside to become the sympathetic and appreciative husband and the strong but playful dad. And he only has one family.

It??s hard enough for men to balance family and career ?? what if, as priests, they had to balance their biological family with a spiritual family of parishioners? Whose needs come first?

And did I mention? The average American Catholic diocesan priest makes between $15-30,000 a year.

Look, I know there are some families that could hack it. There are some that do, and I??m sure there are some that do very well, especially if the parish is close-knit and conservative, with a long, comfortable tradition of married priests. And I know we??re likely to see more married priests soon, since our beloved (and thrilling!) Benedict XVI has so warmly welcomed the Anglicans in.

How??s it going to go? I don??t know. I??m not saying it??s a bad idea; I??m just saying it??s not the no-brainer heal-all for anemic numbers in the seminaries. All the hypothetical nasty comments above are things that people say about decent, hard-working, LAY Catholic couples with private lives. Other people have no business judging them ?? and yet they do, all the time. How much worse would this gossip (and the attendant protest via empty collections basket and empty pews) be if the couple in question had much less claim to a private life? Parishioners tend to feel like they ??own?? their pastors. This can take the form of befriending and loving him, making him meals, and praying for him ?? but it can also take some uglier forms. I cannot imagine enduring such scrutiny as a pastor??s wife or child, especially without the graces of Holy Orders that help a priest survive his daily ordeal.

Simcha, you’re not that far off. I could make peoples’ skin crawl with the things that have been said to me and about me. In the last 9 years, I’ve had:

-people criticize me for getting a job outside the home (because “a smart girl like [me] could surely find some way to work at home”)
-people criticize my decisions when I was pregnant (and the fact that I hid it until someone guessed and called the entire church to tell them)
-one person tell me how I could have prevented the pre-eclampsia (more specifically HELLP Syndrome with a 30% abruption) and Daniel being born early if I’d done things differently when I was pregnant (because, you know, doctors electively choose to do c-sections at 3:45 a.m., right?)
-people criticize my clothes (apparently, I’m a Lutheran goth?)
-people complain that I do too much around the church
-people complain that I don’t do enough around the church
-people complain that I’m inhospitable because I told them they couldn’t come over randomly (while I was recovering from gallbladder surgery)
-people scream me out in public and then force me to apologize for making them make a scene
-people make up things and claim that I said them or that my husband said them
-people chew me out because my husband hasn’t been to visit them (because, you know, he’s OUT OF TOWN)
-people complain about my weird dietary habits (a.k.a lactose intolerance, FOOD ALLERGIES, and an inability to process grease)
-people use me as my husband’s message board (because, you know, they can’t walk 10 feet and tell him something)

So how do I survive this without the graces conveyed by Holy Orders?

1.) I blog. I use WordPress for a reason — passworded entries. I can get the toxic stuff out that way.
2.) I can separate the “wheat from the chaff”. In other words, I can separate the nasty people from the truly good-hearted people and I focus on the second group when I’m feeling like I want to convey bodily harm to the first group.
3.) I have friends outside of the church and the community. This goes with #1. Blogging has given me a network of people who have NOTHING to do with the church or with the community in which I live.
4.) In Minnesota, I took LONG walks. During some rough patches, I’d do an hour of taebo and then go for a 3-mile walk. I lost 25 lbs and my gallbladder. It also worked off some of the stress.
5.) I crochet. OK, I don’t do much of it right now because of Daniel but it was a way to work off some of the nervous energy.

As for whether it would solve the priest shortage, it wouldn’t. There’s a clergy shortage across the board regardless of whether you be Catholic, Protestant, or Orthodox. Having a young priest or a young pastor with a family does not bring the young people to church either.

Regarding the balancing of family and parish, it’s one of those things where it’s possible if the people in the parish are relatively sane and realize that the pastor has a family and that it would be NICE if he got to see them. Stuff like graduations, school plays, choir concerts, and such can be scheduled in between council meetings, Confirmation classes, and parish duties. Jon did not miss any pre-natal appointments that he wanted to attend and would have been at Daniel’s birth if it hadn’t been such an emergency event. (I had to be transferred to a hospital 90 minutes away in the middle of the night and was there for literally 30-45 minutes before they wheeled me into the O.R. for my c-section.)

Emergency calls happen. It’s the nature of being in a profession where you are on-call 24/7. However, I can count on one hand the number of calls between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. in the 7 1/2 years that Jon has been ordained. When those calls come in (even if it’s early evening and he’s just gotten home), I never question it. It goes with the territory.

Finally, I think it is important to remind everyone that the ministry is a vocation and a calling. My husband does not do it for the money — he does it because God called him to it.