Category Archives: Faith

Giving Up Anxiety for Lent

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I read some more of Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis by Lauren Winner and the two chapters/reflections that touched me were the ones on anxiety.

In one, she talks about checking obsessively to make sure her driver’s license is there when she’s on the road to the airport as well as worrying about if she’s turned off the stove and envisions her house burning down. I don’t have those particular two fears but I obsess about whether I locked the car door frequently and I’ve been known to worry about things happening in the future. She talks about her friend suggesting that she give up anxiety for Lent. Her friend’s wife asked if she was going to have a major panic attack come Easter if she does this.

In another, she talks about her friend suggesting that she give up anxiety for Lent. She finds a prayer in the Book of Common Prayer that helps her out with this and another friend tells her about distancing herself from an emotion for 15 minutes. All are good and she also talks about her experience with medication. She spoke of her experiences coming off of the medication (which are eerily familiar to my experiences with them trying to get me off of Effexor XR when I was pregnant).

This book (again) has been an interesting read for me just because I’ve been through a lot of the things she discusses. Even though I haven’t divorced Jon and my parents are still alive, I’ve dealt with crushing anxiety in my life and I can understand her reactions, even if they haven’t been mine. The physical toll of my anxiety are the weakening of my (already crappy) immune system and migraines. In her case, it was tingling in her joints. I’ve had severe panic attacks but none all that publicly.

I will be interested to see what the rest of the book has in store for me.

And no, giving up anxiety for Lent is not on the agenda.

7 Quick Takes — Mea Culpas, Susan G. Komen, and Marshmallow Shooters

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7 Quick Takes

Wow! Lots for me to choose from this week in the news, so I guess I’ll get started.

— 1 —

Mea culpa. I owe a number of you an apology for posting the link to the White House blog and saying that there were religious exemptions if you had mentioned the HHS situation on your Quick Takes. Thank you to Lisa at All Things Gale for emailing me and explaining the intricacies of the situation politely and civilly. Thank you also to Katie of NFP and Me for giving me the link to the roundtable on ABC that includes this discussion.

— 2 —

Regarding the Susan G. Komen debacle, it is THEIR choice as to whom they choose to grant funding. Yeah, it was spineless of them to have caved to public pressure but it would also be dishonest if they did not fulfill the grant money that had already been promised for this year. Next year, however, is different and they can sever ties at that point. The damage has already been done — their donations will drop because of this. This should also be a sign to Planned Parenthood that they need to acquire some mammography machines and get some licenses to use them so they can actually claim truthfully to promote breast health rather than making referrals out to other providers.

— 3 —

On Monday night, I found a great article on being a super successful introvert. I’m one of the last people to like anything sanctioned by Oprah but this article is excellent. I’ve actually put some of these things into practice in past situations and they really do work. And seriously… I’m proud to be part of a class of people that includes Abraham Lincoln and Eleanor Roosevelt.

— 4 —

The petition to rescind the HHS mandate hit 25,000 signatures on Tuesday. It’s not surprising given that even *I* signed it because I think that the terms of the mandate needed to be adjusted to allow for issues of conscience for *ALL* religious groups, not just the Catholic Church. (I signed it on February 1st if anyone wanted to know). 25,000 is the threshold to go to the HHS peeps and the president so I hope this all gets resolved soon. It doesn’t go into effect for another year but it isn’t good to have more tension in a country that is already polarized enough and has been for a very long time (since 2000 at least).

— 5 —

I’ve been having to sleep in the living room because of the cough from the MUTANT DEATH COLD. I can’t be flat or I start coughing up a lung, making it really hard to get sleep. I’m on the last few days of my antibiotics which were supposed to treat any infection if it was present (as bronchitis = hospital for me) and the only difference is that I’m maybe getting some stuff up now. I don’t know if I just have a really inflamed area in my throat or what but this is getting frustrating. *makes a mental note to get more cough drops*

— 6 —

Dude… marshmallow gun. President Obama and Joey, an 8th grader from Arizona, shot a marshmallow across the State Dining Room of the White House using the air cannon that Joey built for his science project at the White House Science Fair.

I don’t care how you feel about Obama — I think shooting *anything* out of an air cannon needs to be viewed… repetitively.

— 7 —

This article on helicopter parents in the workplace from NPR is scary. I honestly can’t imagine my parents calling the seminary or the clinic or UPS Supply Chain Solutions (my brokerage in Montana) to make them be nice to me or make them pay me more. For one thing, it’s highly unprofessional and it also shows that the candidate cannot function independently if their parents are still fighting their battles for them. My mom has told me who happened to be hiring when I was looking for a job one summer and I’ve asked her advice with regard to work situations (she’s calm and diplomatic which is what I aim to project); but that’s the limit. The only reason she met my boss in Montana is that she was at the baby shower that the UPS Supply Chain Solutions people threw me when Daniel came home from the hospital. Helicopter parents in general just stymy me. I mean, I’m uber-involved in Daniel’s life and advocate for him but he’s also only two years old and autistic. I’ve told friends of mine to shoot me if I ever show up to a parent-teacher conference and complain that the teacher doesn’t see Daniel’s innate specialness.

— Bonus —

In California news, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled against Prop 8. This is kind of a useless ruling because it was going to be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court, regardless of in whose favor the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled. (The 9th Circuit Court gets overturned by the Supreme Court 54% of the time which another reason why this ruling is useless.) I probably should have an opinion on this… and I don’t. I have too many friends on both sides of the issue who are going to be wounded when it is decided one way or the other that I’ve just decided to keep my mouth shut. I will say, however, that this is not a good thing for those who were in favor of Prop 8 (which means that they are against same-sex marriage) because the Supreme Court deciding the law is unconstitutional means that the door is WIDE open for DOMA to be repealed and other states to pass laws allowing same-sex marriages.

For more Quick Takes, visit Hallie Lord at BettyBeguiles.Com who is graciously hosting this meme while Jen pushes toward the end of her manuscript.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: February 6, 2012

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY February 6, 2012

Outside my window… cloudy and chilly (at least to me). We might get some showers which would be great because we need the rain but not so great because it might cancel PT tomorrow.

I am thinking… that there has to be a middle ground between keeping one’s mouth shut so as not to offend anyone and this which is rage-filled yelling.

I am thankful… for my massage last Friday.

In the kitchen… Jon cooked up a ton of stuff for himself for the Super Bowl yesterday.

I am wearing… my preeclampsia survivor shirt and capri sweats.

I am creating… this entry. 🙂

I am going… to Bible study tonight. It’s Men’s Night Out so I’ll be taking Daniel with me. The ladies love him so it should be OK.

I am wondering… when my stomach will calm down. Evil antibiotics! (I can hear my mom’s voice telling me to start eating some yogurt to build my intestinal flora back up.)

I am reading… Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis by Lauren Winner. It’s a bit of a tough read because I can identify with many of the things she says even if I’m not in the same circumstances.

I am hoping… we do end up having PT tomorrow — it’s been two weeks since Daniel’s last session.

Around the house… next question!

I am pondering… my Quick Takes for this week.

A favorite quote for today… “An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason.” — C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… my new laptop. 🙂

A few plans for the rest of the week: PT tomorrow, speech on Wednesday, OT on Thursday, and nothing on Friday.

A peek into my day… Someone likes his bottom shelves of our bookcases.

Naptime in the bookcase.

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

Kneeling at the Altar

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Now that I’ve finished Inheritance by Christopher Paolini, I’m reading Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis by Lauren Winner. In it, she posits a series of reflections on life when you’re in that spot where God is absent and prayer is just impossible. At the time she wrote the book, her mother had died three weeks before she married her (now former) husband and after five years of marriage, she reaches the point at which she can’t continue it because she’s miserable and is making her husband miserable.

It’s an *interesting* read as all of her books; but it’s being really emotionally painful for me to read because I can see myself in her. I read the same fiction she does (which is almost all based in North Carolina) and I’m in a perpetual “middle” in terms of faith. It’s not to say that my faith is gone but instead to say that I’m at a point right now where I frequently see and feel silence from God when I pray.

The hardest reflection to read thus far has been “healing prayer” in which she describes going up after receiving communion for healing prayer. She talks about how she would love to be able to do it one day but at that moment, she can only kneel at the rail and cry with the priest’s warm hands holding hers. I was reading it yesterday while I was eating lunch and I had to choke back tears while eating my teryaki chicken and take some deep breaths to calm myself. Why the tears? It was because I have the same memory.

In 2007, we had a mentally unbalanced parishioner stalking me and I finally wrote her a letter telling her to leave me alone or I would take out a restraining order against her. She whined to anyone who would listen about how I threatened to sue her and OMG-THE-HEART-PROBLEMS-THIS-WAS-CAUSING-HER!!!!! (Did I mention that she was also a pathological liar?) Of course, people believed her instead of me. The sheep hit the fan during Holy Week 2008 (because if anything is going to go wrong in a clergy family, it will be during Holy Week) and after being chewed out confronted by a few parishioners, I decided that it would be better if I took a Sunday off from being a pastor’s wife and being a Lutheran. I needed to go down to Great Falls for some errands so I went to go and bond with my aunt and uncle who lived down there and attended the Episcopal church in town the next morning.

For those new to my blog, I came to faith in the Episcopal church and it’s where I go (or at least wish I could go) when I’m really having problems with my faith or in my life. The liturgy was wonderful that Sunday and after the Eucharist, people were invited to come up for healing prayer. I went up for it and was moved to tears as I knelt at the communion rail and Father Tim clasped his hands around mine to pray for me. I don’t know why but it moves me to tears when people lay hands and pray for me. It might be that I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable, it might be the Spirit within me interceding because I have to words, or it could just be that I understand the power of what is going on.

I went back to Incarnation several times after on Sunday mornings and then to the noon Eucharists on Wednesdays after Daniel was born because it was the only way I would be able to attend church due to his care schedule in the NICU. Father Tim came to see me in the hospital in Great Falls and I feel horrible because I have no memory of it. (I was on some seriously heavy medications at the time to arrest the preeclampsia so it’s not surprising.) Reading what Lauren had to say brought back the memory of the incredible need I had for someone to pray for me during those times when I just could not pray for myself.

It’s been almost two years since we moved from Montana to California and almost three years since I’ve attended Incarnation. I am in such a different place today than I was back then and looking back, I can see the horrific depression I pushed through during that time. My life is so different today: a parish that loves my family, people who support Jon, and my parents nearby. Still, I am comforted by the thought that there are Episcopal parishes out there with people who will hold my hands as I kneel at the altar needing prayers for healing.

Exemptions Not Enough for Some

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This evening, I saw on my Facebook page that President Obama and HHS Secretary Sebelius had announced religious exemptions to the HHS mandate for insurance companies to cover birth control. There had been a petition on the White House website (which was a pain to login to and sign) asking for the mandate to be rescinded and there were lawsuits from Belmont Abbey and Colorado Christian College. In response to those, the administration threw religious organizations a bone and announced the exemptions.

Apparently, this isn’t enough for the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. They’ve issued a statement nitpicking the announcement from the White House. I found this out after one of the people on Quick Takes (who is remaining nameless because I’d rather pull my fingernails out than give her or her minions blog traffic) left the following snippy comment on my blog:

I don’t know why you’ve been going around to Catholic blogs and posting false information, but the religious exemption in the HHS mandate is worthless.

Um yeah… way to be civil, princess. It’s the kind of thing (coupled with the fact that you’ve proven yourself incapable of actually having a civil discussion on your blog) that gets you I.P. banned. *sigh* I’ve really missed playing with my *.htaccess file lately.

For the record, the exemptions to the mandate are not worthless — they’re on par with the religious exemptions provided for military service and social security. Quakers are conscientious objectors and yet they still pay taxes that support the U.S. military. Some Anabaptist groups consider Social Security to be akin to gambling (no, I am not making this up) and they can opt out of contributing to it even though their taxes are paying other peoples’ Social Security.

I’m sorry but the Roman Catholic Church is not that special. If we are to provide healthcare to everyone (which they should really be in favor of doing considering their history of charity), Catholics are going to have to bite the bullet on this one and pay. As it stands as of today, churches do not have to pay their insurers to cover contraception. For example, I’m a pastor’s wife and my denomination has the right not to pay our insurer to cover my birth control pills. (Oh yeah… gonna get hate mail for that one.) I know that it doesn’t exempt Catholic hospitals but it would exempt Catholic colleges if all their staff members are Catholic. For Evangelical schools, it works because all staff and professors have to sign a faith statement.

And for the love of all things holy, would people please stop acting like this is a Catholic pogrom? Nobody is being jailed, beaten, executed, or thrown to the lions over this issue. If you want to talk about persecution, talk to Christians in places like China, Iran, Pakistan, Nigeria, Egypt, and Malaysia. You guys aren’t losing your 501(c)3 funding for telling your members not to vote a certain way by denying them the Eucharist (which is a violation of that particular I.R.S. statute). You get to keep the seal of Confession — every other clergy person has to report it if someone tells us that they’ve harmed themselves or others. In other words, you have a lot of religious freedoms that others don’t get to have. Going off about how this is a Catholic persecution gives the impression that y’all are whiny and will not play ball unless things are exactly YOUR way. I can tell you straight up that it does not leave a good taste in peoples’ mouths.

Oh yeah, comments are disabled on this post and any comments placed on other posts referencing this one will be deleted. This is one of those things that is my opinion and is not negotiable.

7 Quick Takes — Coughs, Books, and Women’s Health Politics

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7 Quick Takes

Dude… everyone and their mother did Quick Takes last week! It took me DAYS to get through all the entries with me reading 40 entries a day. It was good to see some new people as well as some who haven’t participated for awhile.

— 1 —

I finally went to see the doctor about the cough that has been lingering from my MUTANT DEATH COLD at Thanksgiving. I ended up seeing Dr. Passive Aggressive and his thought was that it was probably a side effect of the Lisinopril (my blood pressure medication — I am the phenotypical embodiment of every negative gene on both sides of the family). He switched me to another one (whose name I can’t remember and should learn in the event that I end up in the E.R.), put me on Doxycycline to nuke any potential bronchitis as bronchitis and asthma don’t mix well (apparently, I actually looked like I was sick because of the sleep deprivation), and gave me a lab slip which I’ll deal with next week when I’m not binging on cough drops. (That whole fasting from midnight onward doesn’t work when you require cough drops to numb your throat so that maybe you can sleep.) I am also having to sleep in the recliner because I have coughing spasms when I lie down. OK… end of whining about this particular thing.

— 2 —

I finally finished Inheritance by Christopher Paolini. The siege of Galbatorix’ capital and the fight between him and Eragon is maddening to read because it feels like it stalls but it was good. The chapters after the demise of Galbatorix kind of drag because you want things decided and wrapped up quickly. (OK… spoiler there but seriously, the book’s ending is going to suck if Eragon doesn’t win.) Still, it was a wonderful read and I will be downloading the other three books onto my NOOK so that one fine day, I can read all four in order.

— 3 —

I guest-posted on A Day in the Life this week. Emily put out the invitation for the married ladies (and single ones too if they had anything to say on the subject) to do a guest post on the subject of our vocations as wives. It’s kind of scary that I’m probably the oldest contributor and I’m only 31 (32 in May)! Do some women who have been married longer than I have (10 years in March) have anything to add? If you do, please talk to Emily.

— 4 —

The home visit portion of ABA training is tomorrow (Friday) morning at 11:00. I’m having an attack of “OMG-I-suck-as-a-mother-because-Daniel-doesn’t-fit-into-this-little-box” flipping out because I’m not getting exactly three seconds of eye contact and OMG Daniel isn’t at 100% for putting on his shirt (the skill I’m teaching for it). My mom talked me off the ledge on Tuesday night and explained that none of this means that I’m a loser mother and that they do understand that kids (especially autistic ones) do not perform on command. The whole reason I’m flipping out is that Friday’s visit determines whether or not we receive services for Daniel through the Regional Center.

**UPDATE** We passed with flying colors. The person doing the home visit was impressed with the work I’d done with Daniel and with his skill level. This is one more check off my list as I trudge toward March 26th and his IEP.

— 5 —

I signed the petition to have the HHS mandate rescinded. I know that my pro-choice friends probably think I’m traitorous for doing so but… while I support the idea that health plans need to provide access to birth control that isn’t prohibitively expensive, I also believe that there should be a way for those whose conscience is violated by this to opt out. It’s not just THE CATHOLICS but also Jews and some conservative Protestant groups. If President Obama or Secretary Sebelius could come up with a way to do this, the firestorm would probably die down. I think their idea is good in theory (my birth control pills are mitigating out the PMS that can land me in bed for a week out of the month) but they failed to take the faith issue into account.

I also wanted to share this piece that was written by my favorite KU med student Katie of NFP and Me. Katie, thanks for letting your combox be taken over for discussions.

— 6 —

My new laptop arrived today (Thursday). It was worth being woken up from my nap to answer the door. I’m glad it’s here so that I don’t have to keep harassing the Fed Ex drivers that stop on my block. It’s an HP dvt6 and I’ll be transferring stuff over this weekend after I can get myself to Best Buy to get a migration cable. In the tradition of naming my personal electronics after titles for Orthodox priests’ wives, this one will be “Presbytera” which is the Greek Orthodox title. (My iPod is “Panimatushka” and my NOOK is “Popadija”.)

— 7 —

Given that my homeboys (the 49’ers) got knocked out by the Giants last week, I think I’ll be rooting for New England this weekend. I’m not a football person and I don’t understand how the game works. However, the 49’ers game the weekend before last was excellent (and I actually watched it) so I might watch the Super Bowl to see if it’s even close. Of course, there’s the most important thing: THE COMMERCIALS!!!!!

For more Quick Takes, visit Hallie at Betty Beguiles who is graciously taking over hosting for the next few weeks.