Category Archives: Faith

Utterly Repulsed

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I’m reading Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce and it’s proving to be an *interesting* read. I knew a number of people who were raised in this environment, several of whom (Elizabeth Esther and Young Mom) who are now blogging about the damage done by people in that movement.

Chapter 7 is on Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries (not linking them for reasons that will become obvious) but focuses mostly on Debi’s advice on “submitting to one’s husband”. The Pearls are known most widely in the media for their child-abusing manual To Train Up a Child which has been linked to several cases in which people beat their children (some only babies) to death under the influence of the Pearls. The chapter touches briefly on this but mainly focuses on Debi’s psychopathic advice to women.

Here’s an excerpt. (**WARNING** Reading this may be a trigger for abused women.)

A woman who writes to complain that her husband’s TV-watching is exposing the family to bad influences is warned that the social circle for divorced women with children is painfully small and that the job they’ll be forced to take will leave the kids in the hands of a fornicating baby-sitter. Other single mothers, Debi suggests, end up with bad haircuts and cheap clothes, pooling resources with other divorcees and becoming lesbians; they live in fear of eviction and violence from their exes and are only courted by men who aim to molest their children. When they get breast cancer, Debi writes, there will be no one around to care for them, and it’s all because they got high and mighty about the TV. “Listen to me, young mother. Do not play the fool. You don’t know how bad it can get.”
–p. 96

I kid you not. I almost vomited up what I was eating when I read that. I read it to Jon and he had the same reaction. What kind of psychopathic crap is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
It gets better as Debi admonishes women that their submission involves “reverencing” one’s husband — monitoring their food/drink at dinner (to refill their cup or plate), being present for any and all sexual duties the husband requests, and blaming women if their husbands’ eyes wander. (They’re apparently not catering to their husbands enough.)

She also advises women who are being physically abused by their husbands to try and love them back to the Lord. She tells the story of a woman whose husband stabbed her in the stomach when she was expecting their third child and how she told her to leave her husband if she *had to* but instead to “wage an all-out campaign to win his heart by refusing to bring the stories of his abuse to their church or her family again, reverencing him by keeping his ‘flaws’ hidden.” (p. 101) Apparently, her fellow psychopath-by marriage — I mean husband is ignoring his role as a mandated reporter (which is the law in all 50 states if he’s a pastor) because this kind of abuse cannot be kept from the police. In fact, most states have domestic violence laws that would require the woman to press charges. But anyway… WHAT KIND OF GOD DO THESE [insert unmentionable word] PEOPLE PEOPLE WORSHIP THAT CONDONES A MAN BEATING HIS WIFE AND EXPECTS HER TO TAKE IT JOYFULLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? It sure isn’t the God I worship — that’s for darn sure! It’s a completely anti-biblical attitude. The oft-quoted passage in Ephesians 5 states “husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church?? for we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:25-30, NIV)

Add in Pearl’s admonishments against having female friends (apparently isolation and loneliness breed desire for one’s husband) and you have a worldview where women are essentially the property of their husbands and forced to depend on them solely for emotional support and physical well-being. (Keep the women isolated and they won’t cry “ABUSE!!!!!”) According to the evil Pearl, “when God puts you in subjection to a man whom he knows is going to cause you to suffer, it is with the understanding that you are obeying God by enduring the wrongful suffering.” (p. 101) Yeah.. I personally would be divorcing the [insert unmentionable word] and getting massive alimony as well as a restraining order and sole custody of my children. Again… WHAT KIND OF GOD DO THESE [insert unmentionable word] PEOPLE PEOPLE WORSHIP THAT CONDONES THIS CRAP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Pearl is apparently not the only so-called “religious authority” spouting this crap. James Dobson is also guilty of this (surprise surprise) as is John MacArthur who only advocated women leaving their husbands for a limited time “while the heat is on” but with the intent of returning when the violence has cooled. (pp. 102-103) Dobson is a grade-A moron (listing the reasons is another post entirely) so it doesn’t surprise me that he believes that women “seek abuse for the ‘moral advantage’ that a black eye gives them as a ‘martyr’ in the relationship.” (p. 102) MacArthur, however, surprises me because he’s relatively well-liked in the evangelical community so I guess I assumed that he wouldn’t be so deluded as to think that it’s completely acceptable for a man to beat his woman for not submitting.

If the rest of chapter 8 is like this (the idiocy of Dobson and MacArthur), I may have to skip the rest of the chapter. I honestly can’t stomach this as it goes against EVERYTHING I believe with regard to God being love and how I should be “submitting to my husband”. It’s this kind of garbage that gives ammo to atheists and others to claim how hateful Christianity is.

If you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to go puke again from disgust.

7 Quick Takes — Rapid Fire Answers on Thankfulness

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7 Quick Takes

It’s been a crazy week and I have a pretty massive sleep debt. (How massive, you ask? Massive enough that I had to say “no” to a last minute appointment with a doctor for Daniel’s clot when it takes 4 weeks to get in with him normally. I had to say no because I couldn’t drive safely due to exhaustion.) So… here are a couple quick things for which I’m thankful:

01.) Daniel’s SSI *FINALLY* getting approved. I had to rip into my worker’s supervisor but it got fixed.

02.) Daniel’s SSI meaning that he’s eligible for straight Medi-Cal. In other words, Medi-Cal will cover whatever insurance doesn’t. As our insurance is craptastic at best, this is a GOOD THING.

03.) My newly-transplanted garden surviving. I’ve been having to be careful with watering and shading plants but we’ve gotten through a week of triple digits.

04.) Daniel going down without a fight tonight. Those with toddlers understand.

05.) Jon’s day off tomorrow. It means a sleep-in day for me… in theory.

06.) Sara, Daniel’s awesome PT from Easter Seals. I can’t begin to describe her insane awesomeness. Daniel is doing so well with her.

07. Seasons of The Big Bang Theory from my dad. They’re keeping me relatively sane.

(Jen of Conversiondiary.Com has a new baby [Pamela Scholastica, born Wednesday] so Hallie Lord of Betty Beguiles is hosting us this week.)

7 Quick Takes — Thankfulness

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7 Quick Takes

I’ve had a crappy week with severe back pain, Daniel’s MRI coming back abnormal, and a host of other things. To try and orient myself to a less pissy perspective, I’m doing a list of things for which I am thankful.

–1–

Daniel’s PT eval this morning. The physical therapist from Easter Seals was really positive and complimented Daniel on the things that he *could* do well. She said there’s definitely things to improve but they’ll come in time. She also explained Daniel’s sensory issues to me in a way that I could understand it. We’re scheduled to start with her on Wednesday.

–2–

The helpfulness of the pharmacist at CVS. Wednesday was by FAR the worst for the back pain and after Jon got home, I dragged myself over to CVS and begged for help. The (young) pharmacist was chipper and asked what I had tried. I told her that it wasn’t responding to Tylenol and she politely informed me that Tylenol isn’t for inflammation and that some ibuprofen would help as well as some ice. She was right. She also saved me $$$ by not making me go to the doctor to be told this.

–3–

Cuddles and “Cheerios time” with Daniel in the mornings. We’ve run out of yogurt snacks a few times (they’re like baby crack) and I’ve had a little boy putting the empty bag in my lap and shake it expectantly. I just reach over to the bookcase and grab the Cheerios. Daniel will then climb into my lap and we’ll cuddle, eat Cheerios, and watch “The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That” on PBS.

–4–

Purry gingerbread tabbies. Cullen is a sissy tabby with very bold orange markings. When I put Daniel down for a nap, he’ll come on the bed and displace my hips. He’s helpful that way. 🙂

–5–

Silly black kitties. Edda is a longsuffering panther and a good one. She’ll put up with Daniel climbing on my lap while she’s having “Mommy time” and she’ll tolerate him “petting” her to a point. She’s wonderful when I’m still groggy in the mornings and trying to reconcile the double images into one.

–6–

KLOVE radio when I’m driving. I listen to a lot of “Scott and Kelli” because I’m usually on the road during their show. I like KLOVE because they don’t get into politics (unlike the big Christian music station in Montana) and it’s encouraging music without obnoxious Focus on the Family shows. Even when I was a newbie Christian, I liked them because they were mellow about promoting faith (not a “turn-or-burn” thing at all unlike other radio station) and they talk about secular news.

–7–

Daniel “surfing” on the wall tonight. (“Surfing” is taking steps holding onto something while learning to walk.) He braced himself against a wall and managed to walk sideways from the hallway to the kitchen. This is a COOL NEW SKILL and puts him closer to learning to walk.

(For more of this, head to Conversion Diary.)

7 Quick Takes Friday — Randomness

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7 Quick Takes

–1–

The family remembrance for Erik was wonderful. We had a liturgy from the Jewish Book of Prayer and my brother and I read “The Road Less Traveled” by Robert Frost. While Erik had spent some of his time being hyper-Calvinist, he would not have wanted a formal funeral and I think he was fairly anti-religious toward the end. It was meaningful for all of us and I learned a bit about Erik that I hadn’t known.

–2–

Erik’s ashes will be interred at the family plot (or what is rapidly becoming the family plot) at the pioneer cemetery in Pedee, OR later this year. I’m acquiring a small stuffed lion to be buried with him because he was a Leo and loved lions. If I can’t make it, I’ll give it to my mom to take it to the interment.

–3–

Medi-Cal LOST the paperwork that I hand-delivered to them. There are few words that can describe my angst and rage. Social Security is saying the same thing about the stuff I hand-delivered there. It’s maddening.

–4–

We’ve made some food discoveries with Daniel this week. I was having some Kraft Deluxe Mac n’ Cheese (the stuff with the Velveeta-like cheese sauce) and Daniel was mugging me for it. I finally started doing the “one-bite-for-me-and-one-for-you” thing with him. Yesterday, he was mugging my mom for some of her quiche. (Apparently, he doesn’t have the allergy issues with eggs that I do.) Today at the church picnic, I kept him busy while I ate by passing him pieces of Trader Joe’s Gnocchi alla Gorganzola. It’s definitely progress.

–5–

I keep having a craving for Hawaiian pizza (pineapple and Canadian bacon) from Round Table. I grew up on it so it shouldn’t be surprising that I’m craving it. It’s still the best pizza I’ve found locally. (Pizza My Heart in Santa Cruz will always have a special place in my heart with their pesto pizza.) I just wish I could do the ordering online.

–6–

I’m reading God’s Harvard: A Christian College on a Mission to Save America By Hanna Rosin and it’s pretty interesting. It’s about Patrick Henry College and how it was founded to raise up a generation of young people to enter government and take it back from the liberals… or something along those lines. If you’ve read The Unlikely Disciple by Kevin Roose (which I also *HIGHLY* recommend), you’ll like this one.

–7–

I’m reading God’s Harvard on my NOOK. It was a gift from a family friend while Daniel was in the hospital that was designed to keep me occupied during the large amount of downtime I had. With a generous gift certificate to Barnes & Noble from my mother-in-law for a birthday present, I’ve been able to put some books on there that I’ve always wanted to read and figured that it would be good on long car rides where I wasn’t driving — certainly easier than taking a whole tote bag of books.

(For more of this, head to Conversion Diary.)

Tetelestai

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I was a bit vague yesterday in my post but…

My cousin Erik passed away tonight. He was only 40 years old and had really struggled in life. I’m glad he finally has the peace he couldn’t find in life but I’m mourning the fact that I’ve lost any chance to have a relationship with him in this life.

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your servant, Erik. Acknowledge, we humbly beseech you, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming. Receive him into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light. Amen.

Please pray for me and for my family.

Reflections on Atheism (VIII)

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OK… I’ve seen the atheist community on the web raise money for Camp Quest and I’ve seen it come together to support Damon Fowler and provide him with money for college. Great job, y’all.

Here’s my question: how have you rallied to do something like tornado relief? I’ve heard people call in on KLOVE and Air1 with a message like “I live in [small town] and I’ve got an empty 56-foot truck/am collecting diapers for kids in Joplin/am doing [insert good deed] and I wanted to let people know that if they wanted to help, they can contact [that person]. Is there some way that y’all get information on a national level? I’m not assuming that religious radio is the only way to do this — I’m just wondering how y’all would do it because I don’t know of non-satellite radio stations that broadcast nationally that would rally the atheist community.

As usual, I’d love comments.

7 Quick Takes Friday — Good Things About the Rapture Not Happening/Being Postponed

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7 Quick Takes

In response to last week, here are some positives about the Rapture *not* happening.

–1–

Getting to see Daniel grow up. I’m kind of looking forward to seeing where my adventures with Daniel lead. He’s such a cute little boy and it’s so fun to watch him learn new things and grow.

–2–

Getting to joke with my family about which city would be annihilated next. It was entertaining on Saturday to do this with my family. Do I feel bad for those duped by Harold Camping? Yes. Does it mean I can’t have a sense of humor? No.

–3–

Not being “left behind”. It would suck as tornadoes and earthquakes and tsunamis hit and destroyed — wait, that happens anyway. Never mind. And seriously… what’s with the tornadoes south of Chico?!?!?!? This is California, not the Midwest.

–4–

Getting to see multiple episodes of “The Big Bang Theory” this week. I’m sure heaven would have been great but dude… 4 episodes of “The Big Bang Theory” this week that weren’t just for those with cable/satellite.

–5–

Getting to meet Kym tonight. I got to meet my wonderful online friend Kym tonight. I just wish it had been better circumstances. (I was visiting her in the hospital.)

–6–

Getting to watch “The Biggest Loser” finale. I’ve been seriously cheering for Olivia and Hannah. So glad they make it to the final and that Olivia won.

–7–

Getting to do this quick takes post. OK… cheap one here but it’s nice to still be able to blog.