Category Archives: Faith

OK… Confession Time

Posted on by

They say that confession is good for the soul and God willing, confessing the stuff that is on my heart right now might actually help this soul to get to sleep at a decent hour (i.e. not 3 a.m. like it is now).

The truth about all that is going on: While I *am* excited to go up to Minnesota and interview, the thought of it is also incredibly terrifying. Yes, I do want to see these parishes. Yes, I do want to move on with my life. Yes, I should be trusting the synod (and God) to get all this stuff worked out. But… it also means that we really are going to move; we really are going to leave Jon’s internship site; and I am going to be taken out of my comfort zone once again and transplanted into a completely new place. (Newark is an hour from Columbus and I could still go back and visit the sem.) In other words, this whole situation is very much a P situation — not what this staunch J can deal with.

But Jen… if you were actually trusting in God, you wouldn’t be scared. You’d be full of joyful anticipation. You’d — *takes obnoxious nagging voice in my head and seals it in a box with duct tape to be mailed to Abu Dhabi tomorrow morning* Thing is… I *AM* trusting in God. I don’t really have any other choice right now. Just because I’m trusting in God does not mean that my stomach isn’t clenched and rejecting food, that I’m not breaking down sobbing, that I’m not having panic attacks, (that all of this didn’t happen during the 10:45 service on Sunday morning… nooooooooo… never…), or that I’m not being a complete and utter control freak. (I think two more days of living in the same space as me should qualify Jon for sainthood.) Jon decided (for some strange reason) to start packing today, which means that the cats are irritated because they know the suitcase only comes out when Mommy or Daddy (or both) are going to disappear and possibly leave them alone to fend for themselves (with catsitters who come twice daily to give them food/water/clean litter and who *WOULD* give them much love if they would drag themselves out from under the bed and be good, social clergy cats); and so they have taken up shop under the bed, giving us withering looks as to say that we are icky, nasty, selfish humans. (You know there’s a problem when your uber-spoiled cats start calling you selfish…) So… we’ve got a household with a neurotic and weepy Jen, two very lemurish and pissed-off cats, and Jon who is down in the dumps because he doesn’t want to leave St.Paul’s. Oh we are such a bunch!

In addition to the incredible fear and trembling (with which I am attempting to work out my faith), I’m also grieving the fact that I have to leave St. Paul’s. Yes… this is the same place that I was kicking and screaming to leave as recently as 6 months ago. But Jen… isn’t it hypocritical for you to announce the change? I mean– *staple guns the nagging voice to the bottom of the box, adds some more duct tape, seals the box with a 5-inch layer of duct tape, and calls Airborne to pick it up PDQ* They’ve become a family to me. I finally got this rammed through my thick skull 4 months ago when I was actually allowed to *stay with the family* during a hospital visit. (Well… that and the roses given to us on our 1st wedding anniversary, the cards telling me of the major prayers lifted up for my candidacy committee to ummmm… reconsider their judgement of my fitness for ministry [took me about three shots to say that politely[, the people hugging me at the gospel concert on Sunday night, my junior high girl who protested muchly when she found out that we were being sent to Minnesota…) I’m being allowed to sing the Requiem with the choir for All Saints’ Day (which is comparable to Christmas at most other parishes — St. Paul’s takes *everything* worship-related up about 3 notches) as a healing thing for the church after the 10 funerals of this summer — this was one of my hopes. I have no idea where I’ll be for Christmas (which is MAJORLY distressing to me as this will likely be my first Christmas away from home and Christmas is BIG togetherness time for my family) and I’m torn about whether or not I’m hoping to be at St. Paul’s. On the one hand, we could probably go home. On the other hand, it would mean that we aren’t in the parish yet and I kind of want to get Jon ordained and in the parish PDQ if only for the completely selfish reason of finances.

Oh yeah… there’s also the fact that yesterday (Monday) was the only real day of rest I’ve had in about a month. I’m just a girl who cain’t say no and this is getting me in some turible fixes. CROPWalk was a good thing for me to do because it was 5 miles of walking — which killed much of my stress from Sunday morning. However… my eyes are ringed and puffy, which means I look like a red-headed raccoon. If only I could actually sleep normally…

Maybe I should stop counting sheep and talk to the Shepherd. It might be good for the nerves and the soul of this little lamb to discuss its state with the One who leads me beside peaceful waters…

Thankfulness

Posted on by

In honor of the Thanksgiving celebrations of my Canadian brothers and sisters, I thought I’d play off of Richard (who has a *STUNNING* new layout created by the lovely Rachel) and his latest post.

Last November, I finally broke down and attended a small group at church after avoiding them. I was talking with our then congregational council president and she imparted a piece of wisdom that has been really meaningful this year. She said:

I Thessalonians 5:18 does not read “for everything give thanks.” It reads “in everything give thanks.” You may not be able to give thanks for everything but you can praise God in all your circumstances.

She is so right — we may not give thanks for our circumstances; but we can *always* give thanks while in them. I can give thanks even after losing my job. I can give thanks after beng denied candidacy. I can give thanks even after burying a close family member. Why? Because the God I serve is a God of justice and mercy and a God who has a purpose for everything under Heaven. That alone is worth some major thanksgiving.

The Problems With Translation Errors

Posted on by

In the sermonette for b4G, I wrote that:

[Jesus] certainly was not guilty of treason (the main reason He was up there in the eyes of the Romans) because He had not said that He was the King of the Jews — others had.

Amongst the feedback I received was this comment from Ian:

I liked your article about the Cross on b4G, but there’s one factual error: Jesus did say He was the King of the Jews in Matthew 27:11.

OK.. this was a surprise. I’m pretty sure that I didn’t make a mistake. I mean… I was the Hermione Granger of my seminary classes — I *tutored* people in Greek and Hebrew while taking the beginning classes and I also know the Word really well. But… I’m a broken and fallible human and mistakes are always possible. So… I decided to check Matthew 27:11 in all the Bibles I had available to me (that I could read). I marked the passages “Affirmative”, “Vague”, and “Vague towards Affirmative”. Here are the results (click on the more… link to see everything):

New International Version: “Yes, it is as you say,” Jesus replied. (Affirmative)

New American Standard Bible: Jesus said to him, “It is as you say.” (Vague towards Affirmative)

The Message: Jesus said, “If you say so.” (Vague)

Amplified Version: Jesus said to him, You have stated [the fact]. (Vague)

New Living Translation: Jesus replied, “Yes, it is as you say.” (Affirmative)

Continue reading →

A Hymn For Today

Posted on by

O sacred Head, now wounded, with grief and shame weighed down,
Now scornfully surrounded with thorns, Thine only crown;
How pale Thou art with anguish, with sore abuse and scorn!
How does that visage languish, which once was bright as morn!

What Thou, my Lord, hast suffered, was all for sinnersï?? gain;
Mine, mine was the transgression, but Thine the deadly pain.
Lo, here I fall, my Savior! ï??Tis I deserve Thy place;
Look on me with Thy favor, vouchsafe to me Thy grace.

Continue reading →

Musings on Faith That Have Been Ruminating in My Mind

Posted on by

I’ve had miscellaneous thoughts on faith that are kind of developing a little bit at a time. To maybe flesh them out and make space for things related to my job interview tomorrow (!!!), I’m blogging them.

  • In my devotional reading on Monday, the author commented on people who “try to live from one dramatic mountaintop experience to another”, whose relationship with Christ is “based on their feelings at the moment”, and who “go from Bible conferences to seminars to Bible studies trying to maintain an emotional high”. I tried to be one of those people and that really failed when my depression got horrendously awful during my second year of college. We in America tend to have a feelings-based faith and this is really not quite what is intended for us. Many of us don’t have to think about where our next piece of bread is coming from, so we sometimes fail to understand the whole joy concept that comes when you see God work powerfully in your life to provide that bread.

    I was talking with a friend of mine who had been to the candidacy retreat for our synod. She told me that our bishop had talked of his experiences at the Lutheran World Federation meeting in Canada and of being the room when the bishops were discussing the gay clergy issue. The bishops from Africa, Asia, and Latin America would all argue their position against gay clergy intellectually and theologically. The European and American bishops would use anecdotes and feelings in their arguments. Does anyone else see a problem here? We are having such a hard time with the issue because we aren’t speaking on the same terms. I think that we need to be more in touch with the Word in our Christian lives and not solely with our feelings. The most powerful “Jesus times” I’ve had have all been centered around Scripture either in spoken word or in music, and I think there is something to that.

  • This is probably the monthly “Jen loves liturgy and thinks it’s better than free-form worship” thought but… when I was pondering curriculum for someone I might be prepping for baptism, I was pondering how our church year is cyclical and goes through the life of Jesus and the church. It starts with Advent in late November/early December and culminates with Christ the King Sunday the next November. Advent is the Old Testament prophecies surrounding the promised sending of a Messiah; Christmas is the birth of Jesus; Epiphany is His life and ministry; Lent is his 40 days in the wilderness; Holy Week is the last week of His life; the Triduum is His death and burial; Easter is His glorious resurrection; Pentecost is the life of His Church; and Christ the King Sunday is kind of like the end of the Book of Revelation. As one of those freaks who loves Lent and Advent, this cyclical thing is cool — it serves to remind us of the story of the One who we serve and also includes us in the story.

  • We had the kick-off for choirs last night at the house of one of the couples who does both choir and bells and part of the night was going through music for the first couple weeks. We’re having to still worship in the fellowship hall because the sanctuary is still in pieces (we’re putting in a new heating/air-conditioning system and the completion date is now a month later than planned) and all our choir music has to be “piano-friendly” because of this. Much of the music we’re doing is “textually-based” as in it’s a text from Scripture put to music and as Judy (our choir director) commented, most of us can sing the lessons read in worship because we’ve sung so many texts.

    We are singing Fauré’s Requiem for All Saints’ Sunday and I’m thinking that I will so have to fly back to sing it with them if we’re at another call by that time. Judy picked it because we’ve had such a hard summer in terms of the 9 or 10 funerals that have happened since June 15th. (We had two funerals last week and we have yet another one this Sunday afternoon.) This brought back to mind the comment on how we can sing most of our lectionary and it morphed into the thankfulness that I sing in a choir whose director understands the importance of music being appropriate for worship. Granted, we do special music for that day anyway but the Requiem by Fauré is mellow compared to the Requiem by Verdi or the one by Mozart. The latter two are BIG production numbers, while Fauré’s is fit to be sung in worship.

    When in our music God is glorified…

  • Along the lines of the last musing is the thoughts relating to how essential music is to the Lutheran understanding of Christianity. I mean, we’re the church from whence greats like Bach came and most Lutherans grow up on Bach either through organ pieces in worship or through singing his arrangements of some of the hymns in the Lutheran Book of Worship (LBW). Every Lutheran church has a choir and while some may be absolutely horrid, the choir sings at EVERY service and helps to lead music in the service. At Jon’s internship parish, the choir has been known to out-number the parishoners during blizzards and we definitely can out-sing them even with a full church. 🙂 Almost every Lutheran has at least 1/5 of the text of the hymns in the LBW memorized (which I can say with fairly good certainty as I watch people sing as they process up for Communion) and probably 60% of the tunes as they tend to repeat from hymn to hymn. One of the things that attracted me to Lutheranism was the fact that they have such a rich musical tradition and that many grow up with at least some musical training even if it isn’t extensive. Music is such a big part of worship that it helps me to be in a church where music is paid attention and where people understand that the lyrics of the hymns frequently are for both aesthetic and edification purposes.

    • OK… I think I should probably let my mind rest and head to bed now.

    Prayer Request

    Posted on by

    Jon’s Approval interview is tomorrow from 10-12 PST. Could y’all shoot some prayer or at least good vibes our way?

    Please and thank you. 🙂

    Being Consistent

    Posted on by

    The ratification of Canon V. Gene Robinson as bishop of New Hampshire is old news now. There are some mighty irritated people and the American Anglican Council has put out a short guide for them so that nobody jumps the gun and there isn’t a mass exodus from the Church.

    Those who know me know that I watched the General Convention with great interest. After all…

  • my background has a huge amount of the Episcopal Church in it

  • the One True Church is having Churchwide Assembly right now and we usually tend to follow the same path as the Episcopalians

  • the One True Church is currently engaged in a sexuality study right now

  • this issue is one of the few things keeping me from jumping back to the Episcopal Church (the others being the fact that the candidacy process in the ECUSA is worse than ours and my love of Luther’s writings)

    • In watching all this, I was kind of half incredibly sad that Robinson was ratified because I strongly disagree with his lifestyle and half relieved that the last minute efforts to derail him didn’t pan out. The current policy of the One True Church is that celibate GLBT persons can be ordained and that if you aren’t in the bonds of traditional matrimony, you have to remain celibate. Robinson’s ratification goes against all of this.

    My problems with his ratification:

  • He divorced his wife to pursue the gay lifestyle. That doesn’t really give him much credibility to talk about the sacrament of marriage. Yes… he and his partner have been monogamous; but he still broke his marriage vows.

  • I can’t get around the fact that the Bible very clearly states that homosexuality *IS* a sin. I seriously cannot in good conscience say that it’s a matter of opinion or that it’s just a cultural more. People argue that Jesus never specifically addressed it in His ministry and the reason He didn’t is… he was speaking to Jews who all would have known the Old Testament prohibitions against it.

    • **NOTA BENE: While I disagree with the homosexual lifestyle, I still do care about and love my GLBT friends. You don’t have to agree with someone to love them as a friend. Besides, I’m called to love all of God’s people, even those I disagree with strongly.**

    I guess the thing that pains me the most is that the Episcopal Church isn’t being consistent in its mission by failing to call a sin “a sin”. What makes homosexuality OK but adultery not? What makes it any different from pre-marital sex? It’s a very lukewarm attitude, which is *not* what we are called to have. We discussed the passage I have linked (Revelation 3:14-22) in Small Group last night, and we agreed that the message here is: whether you are hot for Christ or utterly frigid, at least BE CONSISTENT. What kind of message does it send when a Church claims that the definition of sin is left up to the individual?

    I’m really struggling with the consistency issue here in my own life. I am adamently opposed to Robinson’s ratification because of his choice of lifestyle but… he has gifts for ministry that would very much benefit the people of the diocese of New Hampshire. They elected him knowing fully well that he was openly gay and not celibate and this was OK for them; but not for me or others. Given that we probably will never have to interact with him and he isn’t our authority, should we really be complaining? Yet… this also impacts the witness of the Church and also its relations with others in the Anglican Communion and the Church pretty much thumbed its nose at the opinions expressed at the last Lambeth gathering by ratifying Robinson’s consecration.

    I am muchly conflicted inwardly…