Before I talk about the ramifications of my stress on my faith, let me direct you to this. This woman is an example of courage, grace, and God’s power to work in all things.

OK… now on to Jen.

Yes, I’m talking about my panic attacks and how miserable my life is. Yes, I am having a really hard time. Yes, I was hurt by what happened with my candidacy. Yes, I look like a raccoon because of the circles under my eyes. However… I will make it through this with God’s help. This doesn’t mean that my life will be all peachy keen; but it means that I have Someone listening as I am crying out. Psalm 23 is comforting; but Psalm 13 is my song right now.

Rick talks about the whole brokenness thing in his journal entry from yesterday. In the comments section (where I thanked him for reminding me that I’m not the only one with issues), he commented that we all have issues and some are better at ignoring them. He prefers to be real and so do I. Ergo, there will be much whining from Jen in this journal (such as my entry from last night) because it’s how I’m dealing with things right now: venting them out in my blog. For one thing, I get feedback, which is usually really helpful in reminding me to keep things in perspective. For another thing, I’m paying for my domain space and I’ll use it for what I need to do.

OK… Jen is done ranting on her emotional state. For the record, things are better this morning and I’m gonna be OK. I didn’t get to see my (big/fat/Greek) doctor this morning because he was ill. This was not a bad thing because the sound of the pouring rain woke me up at 3:30 this morning (well… more like my killer attack lemur mewing at me and being a scaredy cat was what really woke me up) and when my alarm went off at 7:45 for my 8:00 appointment, I was still not fully awake and drifting when the office called. It meant that I got an extra 2 hours of cuddle time with the three men in my life including the one who was being edged off the bed by me and the other two boys. (You can tell who matters in this household. :)) I also love rainy days, so it has been a lovely morning. The severe thunderstorms and tornadic activity seem to be passing to the south of us, so I hopefully will not have to import two very lemurish cats to the basement.

It’s the National Day of Prayer so… let us pray:

Almighty God, to know you is to have eternal life. Grant us to know your Son as the way, the truth, and the life; and guide our footsteps along the way of Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,one God, now and forever. Amen.

(LBW Prayer for the Feast Day of St. Philip and St. James, Apostles)

One of my candidacy committee’s reasons for denying me candidacy was that they felt that I was not spiritually mature enough as a Lutheran. Their suggestions were really not ones that I could use because of age restrictions, finances, timing, or whatever; but they did say that I needed a heart knowledge of Lutheranism, which they didn’t feel I had.

As much as I hate to say this, they are right — I don’t inherently express myself in Lutheran terms, so I’ve decided to blog my way through the Small Catechism. All *good Lutheran children* learn it during Confirmation and a professor friend of my father-in-law insists that his students memorize it to help them in their pastoral ministry. As I didn’t go through Confirmation, I’m working on it now. Once I’ve gotten through it, I’ll tackle other writings of Luther and maybe some stuff from the BCP as I am also trying to figure out if I shouldn’t just go back to being Episcopalian (as I feel totally at home in Episcopal worship and have been wondering about if I belong in the church for awhile).

For those who want to read my reflections or would like to respond to what I write, the blog is at http://www.peacefulwaters.org/wildgoose. It is called “Lessons of the Wild Goose” because the early Celtic Christians envisioned the Holy Spirit as a wild goose. (I am a Celtic Lutheran. Hear me roar.) All I ask is that you don’t argue theology of other churches with me in the blog because that isn’t the point of why it exists. I need to learn to express myself as a Lutheran and arguing about the sovereignity of God according to [insert Reformed theologian] is not going to help me.

Ooooooooohhhhh!!! I’m studying to be a “pastorix”. (Apparently in Latin, “pastor” is a male noun and the ending indicates it as such. Therefore, I should be a “pastorix” because I’m female.) Nice try but… I really don’t think this is a good argument against female ordination (if one wanted to use it as such). Our language adopts words with no regard to the gender they had in the prior language.

A few of the women at my seminary used to joke about the fact that we were studying to be “priestesses”. Ironically enough, *we* (the women) were not the ones who advocated bizarre liturgical dances in worship, inclusive language (which is a misnomer), poems about nature being read as the sermon, and the other New Age stuff that all the anti-female ordination people said would enter the church when women became pastorices. (Gotta get that ending right!) The *men* advocated for all those things.

*sighs*

Blogs4God Day of Prayer for the Impending War

For those who need some help praying, here are a few collects to get your started c/o the Lutheran Book of Worship:

Almighty God, all thoughts of truth and peace come from you. Kindle in the hearts of all your children the love of peace, and guide with your wisdom the leaders of the nations, so that your kingdom will go forward in peace and the earth will be filled with the knowledge of your love; through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

Almighty God, heavenly Father, guide the nations of the world into ways of justice and truth, and establish among them that peace which is the fruit of righteousness, that they may become the kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

O God, it is your will to hold both heaven and earth in a single peace. Let the design of your great love shine on the waste of our wraths and sorrows, and give peace to your Church, peace among the nations, peace in our homes, and peace in our hearts; through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

Lord, keep this nation under your care. Bless the leaders of our land, that we may be a people at peace among ourselves and a blessing to other nations of the earth. Help us elect trustworthy leaders, contribute to widecisions for the general welfare, and thus serve you faithfully in our generation to the honor of your holy name, through jesus Christ our Lord.

O God, the Lord of all, your Son commanded us to love our enemies and to pray for them. Lead us from prejudice to truth; deliver us from hatred, cruelty, and revenge; and enable us to stand before you, reconciled through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

And all God’s children said… AMEN!

Words of wisdom on the subject of Iraq