i’ve realized that my hope boils down to six simple words: I KNOW MY REDEEMER LIVES. simple enough words (job 19:45) but they give me so much hope. i KNOW that He is with me. i KNOW that He will pull me through. i KNOW that i am saved by grace. i also was reflecting today on the most beautiful people i know and i’ve figured out that it is my friend veronica. she would be amazed to know that i think of her this way but she has just so much inner beauty. she is very traditionally catholic and she is religious in a way that really mirrors a complete love for others and love for God. she’s in anaheim this weekend for the catholic educators conference and when i talked to her today, she was just overflowing with joy. i rarely see such joy and it blessed me so richly.

got all my books from ill — all 10 of them. way to be fast guys!!! (i ordered them a month ago.)

i’m starting to see that anger is a bad thing. the kids who shoot up schools are angry and do not know how to vent their anger. i’ve seen a friend of mine just get consumed by it and it’s really hard to talk to her as she brings it up to try to justify it. please read and remember the following passage:

In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. –ephesians 4:26-27, 29-32

well… today, i went to the urbana gathering for santa cruz peoples. it was fun and the food was wonderful. we talked about the various adventures we had at urbana from making snow angels (it was fun!!!!) to getting there and back.

i want to ask everyone to pray for al de guzman, the guy who tried to blow up my brother’s community college. i’m aware that the guy did make 60 bombs of various types and that he had guns and ammo ready; and i’m aware that he had planned this for two years. i also fully realize that my brother could have been killed. however, this is a 19 year-old guy who is now facing around 128 felony counts. he’s facing pretty much a life sentence with (hopefully) no chance of parole. our prison system is not into rehabilitation and will probably get worse under the fraud that currently runs our country. in short, this kid has just screwed his life up royally. i believe in grace and i know that by grace i am saved. God will extend his forgiveness to the gunman if he seeks it and i know that i must follow the same example. if i can’t forgive him, how can God forgive me? so please, pray for al de guzman. he needs all the forgiveness and prayer he can get. also please pray for his family and the filipino community in san jose. this has been a great shock to them and i can’t imagine being in the place of his parents or siblings.

well… urban plunge was amazing and awesome. people from santa cruz and from santa clara university spent the weekend learning about God’s love for the poor, doing service projects, and fellowshipping together. we were staying at san francisco christian center and they were wonderful hosts. the people who came by during the weekend were all asking us how things were going, if they could do anything for us, and we worshipped with them today. it’s an african-american church so for many of us it was a cross-cultural worship experience. it was an amazing service and one of the most alive ones that i have ever been to. there were 70 year old women in the aisles dancing to the youth choir and we were just getting down to the music and dancing.

some highlights of the weekend were:
-meals
-the skits on saturday night, especially the genesis one. (think beatnik poetry meets the pentateuch with some 50’s music thrown in)
-scouring steps and weeding gardens on saturday
-the worship service this morning
-lunch today. (cheap but good mexican food)
-the time when everyone was getting ready for bed and were talking

ok… monsoon season has resumed. or should that be hurricane season? all i know is that i am a cold and wet lepicat!!!!

my urbana page is up. (finally!!!!) woooo hooooo!!!!

tonight at Bible study, we were talking about what it means to abide in God, whether it is an inward manifestation or an outward manifestation and it got me thinking about how things have changed since freshman year or even fall of 1999 when i was depressed. back then, i would sob uncontrollably during the depression attacks whereas now i pray during them. a few weeks ago, i got hit with a particularly bad one and i remember opening my new calendar and seeing psalm 13:5 on it. God then moved me to read the psalm out loud and i realized that it mirrored the way i was feeling to a t. here is psalm 13 with verses 5 and 6 (my encouragement) in italics: how long, o Lord? will you forget me forever? how long will you hide your face from me? how long must i wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? how long will my enemy triumph over me? look on me and answer, o Lord my God. give light to my eyes, or i will sleep in death; my enemy will say, “i have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when i fall. but i trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. i will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me. it was kind of like God saying, “jen… i know you’re suffering but i’m here with you.” i really needed to hear that. i knew He was there (He always is) but i think sometimes i just need a reminder.

i was reflecting on last week’s caroling this morning and i remembered that some of us had been singing “this little light of mine” as we were walking through porter. it’s really interesting that we were singing it then because porter is one of the most “dark” colleges on campus. we actually have people from there in the fellowship this year (praise God!) but there is still a very anti-christian sentiment there. we did a few songs there since they seem to like us or at least think we’re amusing. the words “this little light of mine/ i’m gonna let it shine/let it shine,let it shine, let it shine!!!” probably would have gotten us jumped had it been any other time but somehow they let us do it under the guise of our christmas caroling. very interesting…

yesterday at church, don played two john michael talbot/michael card songs during communion. i have to say… it was perfect timing after his sermon on how Jesus suffered. he played “come to the table” and “advent suite” (since yesterday was the first sunday of advent). i got both off of napster when i got home and i think i am now addicted to john michael talbot. the guy has an *amazing* testimony and i was completely blown away when i read it.

ok… one final today and one a day for the next two days. i think i can manage that. 🙂

whoa… if i didn’t believe in God working in people before this weekend, i sure do now. fall con was undescribably wonderful. we worshipped, heard some amazing talks, played games since it was wet outside (though our hard core ultimate frisbee people *did* squeeze in a muddy game on saturday afternoon), hung out,… i also don’t think that i’ve ever been with so many people being touched by God at once — on saturday night, almost all of us were in tears during worship (tears of joy, that is) and it was just amazing what God chose to do in everyone.