For newbies, my son Daniel was born at 29.5 weeks prematurity (I am a HELLP Syndrome survivor) which left him with about a 50% development delay across the board, apraxia, and autism. Needless to say, mothering him is a full-time job and while I have a lot of fabulous people in my life advising me and helping me, I also deal with people to whom I need to hand a “stop talking” card. As I prefer to teach by praising the good in people, here are my five favorite things people say to me and to Daniel.
“It’s OK. He’s not bothering us.” This comes when Daniel is in public and berkerking around opening/shutting doors and acting like a tornado. It’s hard when he’s in that mode because he lacks the ability to calm down and we haven’t been able to effectively teach him how yet. People saying that (even when they’d truthfully like my precious sweetling to calm down) helps me to feel less awkward in having a kid who just can’t calm down at times.
“You’re a saint.” I seriously don’t solicit this one because I totally don’t feel like a saint. I lose my temper with him, get frustrated with him, and a lot of times wallow in my feelings of unfairness that I have gotten so much thrown on me that is seriously beyond my capacity to handle. Catholic friends of mine have mentioned that we are to “help our kids to heaven” and I seriously think that’s Daniel’s job for me. Being his mom is purifying me from every ounce of selfishness, making me do things that scare me and require me to depend on God’s strength, and showing me that what I have been given is far more amazing than the kid I thought I wanted. Still… it’s good to know that people see God working in me.
(By the way, never tell someone that “God won’t give them anything they can’t handle” — it’s a bold-faced lie. God *REGULARLY* gives His people things they can’t handle except by His power and grace in their lives.)
“He is so cute!” Yes. Yes, he is. 🙂
“What a sweet and happy kid!” I’m seriously blessed that despite all the communication failures, the communication tantrums, and the normal moodiness, I have a kid who is smiley, happy, and very content 90% of the time.
“You’re a good mother.” I think I need to hear this the most because I obsess about the tantrums in public, the milestones he hasn’t reached (potty-training), the kid sports that I probably should sign him up for but can’t afford, and a lot of things I feel like I do wrong. It’s nice to know that in the midst of these, I’m still a good mother.
Go love up Jenna and the others.
