The General Feeling of Jen Right Now

Maybe I’m just really tired.Â? Maybe I’m incredibly overworked.Â? Maybe I’m just cynical.Â? (OK… that’s not a maybe.Â? I *AM* cynical.)Â? These things, however, are just on my nerves and draining me:

[+] My in-laws’ cat Bartholemew being gone.Â? My mom has told me to keep up hope because their cat Homer returned after 48 hoursish.Â? However, it seems like there’s somewhat definite proof that Bartholemew was eaten by coyotes.Â? I’m sad for them and for the white monster because while he was bitey (he was referred to as “The Great White” and “The Daisy with Fangs”), he was a sweet cat and did hang with me when I’d go and visit.Â? He’s in the picture I have of my sister-in-law Joanna on my filing cabinet so I have had to put a post-it note over him so that I don’t cry when I look at it.Â? Sigh… maybe I shouldn’t have nicknamed him “Purina Coyote Chow” when I was down there last time?

[+] The fact that we rip the scab off the national wound every year in how we observe 9/11.Â? OK… first thing: the renaming of the day as “Patriot Day” is offensive to me as a decent human being and seriously offensive to the families of the vicitms and victims themselves.Â? It’s a political move that is on the lameness scale next to the whole “freedom fries” incident.Â? Secondly, I’m more than chill with flags being at half-mast that day — that’s actually tasteful.Â? Moronically suggesting that people wear red/white/blue and watching hours of coverage of the towers falling?Â? Not so chill with that.Â? (For the record, I have no issues with people posting where they were that day.Â? My issue is with those who are trying to co-opt the grief of others.)Â? It was my 6th year of media-fasting because I don’t need to see all the footage to believe it happened.

[+] People who believe that Sarah Palin is the best thing since sliced bread. OK… I know some people reading this are planning to vote for the McCain/Palin ticket for pro-life reasons, same-sex marriage reasons, evangelical Christian homeboy/homegirl reasons, being blue dog Republicans, hockey mom unity reasons, being part of the pitbull cosmetic industry, or whatever.Â? Skip this rant if you are.Â? I honestly cannot understand how otherwise intelligent people can find Sarah Palin worth voting for.Â? Seriously, I can’t understand it.Â? She has zippo experience to qualify her for national leadership.Â? Yes, she’s the governor of Alaska — a state that shares no boundaries with the lower 48, has no international boundary that’s remotely threatened by terrorism or illegal immigration, is largely unpopulated, and oh wait… it’s an oil state.Â? Haven’t we learned how stupid it is to elect oil company people to leadership yet???Â? Obama was in the Illinois legislature AND has served in the US Senate.Â? She was the mayor of a podunk town outside of Anchorage (6700 people is not a large town) before becoming governor.Â? Sorry… no parity there.Â? Then there’s the fact that Obama and Biden both told their people to leave her family alone… and she’s attacking the crap out of Obama.Â? Can we say “cannot play nicely with others”?Â? She also believes that the Iraq War is a “divine calling” and I feel a little uneasy about having someone in the White House whose foreign policy is based on dispensationalism.Â? There’s a lot more to my puzzlement at people actually *liking* her as a VP candidate but that’s another entry within itself.

[+] People who find words like “pollack” and “raghead” acceptable in normal conversation.Â? I don’t give a flying whatever if you were raised in small town Montana or if the First Amendment covers your speech — it’s still offensive!!!Â? Maybe most people around here don’t care but there are people like me who would prefer to be in a hate-free zone where we aren’t tempted to vomit when you open your mouths.

OK… I think my nerves are sufficiently worked now.

Virtually a Triathlete

So I’ve been doing this virtual triathlon thing at work for a week now and have been keeping track of my steps and all.Â? As of yesterday, I was on target for my goal of walking 250 miles over the twelve weeks.Â? (Yes… it sounds like a lot but it averages out to around 3 miles a day which is totally doable.)

I walked 3 of 4 days at work and Friday managed to exhaust myself and work up a pretty decent sweat.Â? I think I’ll have to bring a spare shirt to work in addition to some SeaBreeze because I was needing something to cool me off!

Now to get the last 2000 steps in for today…

Oh yeah… I baked No Pudge Fudge and some Mexican Chocolate Chip cookies (using Splenda) for Church #1’s coffeehour tomorrow.Â? Go me.

Not Again…

I’m speechless with indescribable pain for those on the Gulf Coast who are just getting their lives back together and are now facing yet ANOTHER hurricane that has the potential to destroy the livelihood of people who are struggling to recover.

I feel like this must be what it’s like to live in a 3rd world country where storms decimate villages and people lose what little they had.Â? I know that I’m such a spoiled brat to live in a place where we don’t have many disasters of that magnitude and I’m not looking at losing my house, my possessions, and my life in the next 24-48 hours.

Pray for the people of the Gulf Coast.

Joining The Pedometer Cult

Part of the company I work for is sponsoring a “virtual triathlon” for its members and as I need to start doing physical things again, I signed up.Â? We can either run, walk, bike, or swim and I’m sure that mine will be walking as I can’t run due to knees/ankle/asthma, there’s no good pool around here where I can swim year-round, and I don’t have the time to bike.

So… I got myself a pedometer last night and have been wearing it all day.Â? So far, my step total is pretty dismal but I’m sure it will improve once I start walking and being active again.Â? It’s also Saturday which is a quiet day for me… usually.

I get to wear it for the next 12 weeks and keep track of things.Â? It will be interesting to see how many miles I cover.

An Experiment

I’m trying to get myself comfortable with writing on faith more so I’ve set up a temporary faith blog here.Â? I’m not abandoning ::Meditatio:: — part of setting up there is fulfilling my penance from doing Confession in June and part of it is getting myself comfortable with writing about spirituality again because for some odd reason, I’m having issues in doing it here.

So… come on over and comment there on whatever you find.Â? The URL written out is:

http://thewildgoosechaser.blogspot.com

Again, I’m not abandoning this blog.Â? This is just a place where I work out some of my faith issues.

Done with Doctors

My annual exam went well this morning — I have an awesome doctor who talks to me while she examines me.Â? She’s also got a new nurse (who is tangentially a parishioner of Jon’s) and said nurse is wonderful.Â? The exam and all was less torturous than it normally is and I was to work by noon.

My bloodwork came out fairly well considering that I’ve had an unhealthy summer.Â? My A1C was 5.6 (which is good) though my cholesterol is still unbalanced.Â? I think I can fix it with some tweaks in my diet and maybe some fish oil capsules.

Otherwise… I’m so done with doctors!!!!

Living with “The Parasite”

Pisco of ePiscoSours has been talking about his struggle with dysthymia in terms of having “the Parasite” in his head. While this can get a bit humorous (at least on my end reading it), it’s surprisingly accurate.

It honestly does feel like I have a Parasite in my head somedays and that the Parasite is sucking all the energy out of me. There are also the times when the Parasite sets off the fire alarm in my head and causes a panic attack which just makes my day so freaking lovely… especially if I happen to be at church or work. Unlike Pisco’s, my Parasite is a fan of Coca Cola which means that when my blood sugar tanks around 4:00 pm, it screams and hollers at me (not audibly) until it gets some Coke. I know my doctor is going to LOVE this tomorrow when she reads my bloodwork and that I’m probably going to be put on yet more medication to control my glucose intolerance.

The Parasite had a month of free reign over my mind in June aided by the Topamax which was feeding it well. I honestly don’t even want to think about how screwed up the month was with all the depression and crud messing with my mind. I can remember the last full week of June being one of the WORST times of depression in at least 8-9 years — I was so depressed that I would sit at my desk at work and cry silently. There was no way I could really express what was going on to the people around me and I am a bit worried about that.

The Parasite also tends to silence me and make me want to just withdraw into myself.Â? There are days when I don’t want to be social at church or work and people playing “let’s draw Jen out of her shell” REALLY piss me off.Â? Being around people constantly is incredibly draining and having to do it makes me incredibly tired.Â? For example, I came home after an hour of church and slept for 5 hours!Â? I come home from work and just want to collapse on the couch because I’ve been around people and I just want to curl up in a Jen-ball and recharge myself.Â? This means that I eat waaaaay too much fast food on my way home (because I know that I don’t want to have to cook when I get home) and that I don’t do anything active when I get home (i.e. taebo) because I just don’t have the energy to move.

I don’t want to let the Parasite win but sometimes, I just want to curl up and just let the fighting happen for awhile without me…