She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. — Proverbs 31:27

I hate doing housework. I would rather do just about anything than housework. I can deal with doing laundry but I will do just about anything to get out of cleaning the bathroom. Dishes stress my lower back and I keep wishing for a parsonage with a dishwasher. The problem: entropy — things go from a state of order to disorder and in order to keep the nice CPS people out of the house, cleaning needs to happen from time to time.

In today’s verse, our virtuous woman is described as “watch[ing] over the affairs of her household” and “not eat[ing] the bread of idleness”. She was on top of everything that went on in her house so the beds had fresh linens, the food was procured and prepared, sashes were made to sell to the merchants, and all was where it needed to be. If she hadn’t been so aware of the state of her household, the family could possibly go hungry, there would be no light from lamps and candles after dusk, and her servants would fare worse than the family.

For me, being aware of the affairs of my household means that I keep track of the bills that need to be paid and I make sure that we have everything we need to function. This might not be everything we *want* in life but our needs are met. Not eating the bread of idleness means keeping up on the freelance editing work, the laundry so I have clean underwear and Daniel has clean clothes, and keeping the dishes under control so that I’m not drinking instant breakfast out of a measuring cup.

Stacy is a fellow crazy cat lady who is staff to Miss Buttercup. She is also one of the people who is slowly but surely tempting me to try coconut oil. 🙂

She opens her mouth in wisdom; kindly instruction is on her tongue. — Proverbs 31:26

I would love to be the type of woman that Proverbs 31 describes. Wouldn’t we all? I fall far short, but do love using the verses for inspiration, and also to keep myself in check. I can read over the verses and pinpoint exactly what I do and don’t identify with. Many of the things I don’t see in myself are things I need to work on or improve upon.

When I read verse 26, the first thing I thought was, “Yes, I am wise and I do speak with wisdom”. Just as soon as I finished patting myself on the back, I realized there was another half to that sentence. Not just that instruction should be on my tongue, but kindly instruction. See, this is where it gets iffy for me. I am pretty wise, and I am pretty good at giving instructions, but I fail miserably in the gentleness and kindness categories. God has given me the gift of being able to grapple with things, figure issues out, and He has gifted me with a big dose of common sense. He also blessed me with the ability to teach others, to guide, and to instruct. But what I constantly seek His grace on is how to show those skills as a wife with kindness. I can be biting, and I can even be caustic. No amount of wisdom or instruction matters if you aren’t able to relay it kindly, and that is a lesson I have been learning and relearning over the past several months of marriage. I know that I don’t want to be the type of wife who is constantly nagging, or who snaps at her husband because things don’t come as naturally to him… but that is who I am sometimes.

This verse reminds me of the work I have put into myself, and the work that needs to continue to benefit my husband, myself, and my relationship with God. I want to be the type of wife who can pass wisdom on to her husband in the most loving of ways. If I’m doing it right, I bet he won’t even know that that is what I’m doing! My husband, like yours probably, responds so much better when I approach things from love and gentleness. In fact, I’m quickly learning that my husband is more likely to retain my wisdom and instruction when I give it kindly than when I give it curtly. He is much more likely to pay attention to why I am saying something than how I am saying something when I speak to him the way he deserves. We unfortunately live in a culture where men are put down and even treated as an extra child. I’ve seen this in myself when I take the above verse and omit that one very important word. That isn’t the type of wife I want to be, nor the type of wife my husband deserves. Let’s use this verse as a reminder that our husbands will love us at our worst, but deserve our best. Let it remind us that our husbands will retain our wisdom and instruction when we give it to them kindly. And let it remind us that, when we open our mouths, we have a threefold responsibility in our vocation: to share our wisdom, to instruct with that wisdom, and to be kind in our instruction.

Stacy is a newlywed who blogs about faith, frugality, living with PCOS, and green living over at Catholic and Crunchy. Feel free to stop by!

Today’s guest post comes from Jenn who is one of my Twitter buddies and #Cathsorority chicas.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. –Proverbs 31:25

??You??re stronger than you think.??

This phrase has been said to me many times in my life. Most recently, I heard it a few months ago, in two different scenarios, from two different men. I heard it from one of my priests, Father Tony, and by one of my personal trainers, Shane: each man said the same five words, but each was referring to different parts of me that they felt were strong. Words said to me when I didn??t feel very strong, when I felt as if things were closing in on me. It was only looking back, did I realize that I was strong because of my faith.

The two scenarios:

Fr. Tony said those words to me on a very scary autumn day. I??d just found out that my husband, Chris, was diagnosed with a serious, potentially life-threatening liver disease. I felt as if we were being tested, yet again, by another life event that most people never have to experience. I was mad and scared; wasn??t it enough that Chris had almost been killed years ago, and then was laid off twice, once for over a year? If you want to see ??when bad things happen to good people,?? you just need to look at my husband. Additionally, I was thinking ??Could I support Chris through this latest crisis? Could I be the wife he needed? How could I be strong enough to help him when I felt as if things were falling apart???

Shane said the same words on another autumn day that was challenging my physical strength. I??d only been working out with him and the other personal trainers at our gym for a month or so. I doubted my progress, that I couldn??t lose weight, get stronger, and achieve the fitness level I desired. Previous attempts at working towards these goals had been derailed all too easily??life got in the way. What would keep me going this time? Did I want to be healthy badly enough?

Little did I know that my strength would be tested even further in the coming months. I lost my job just after Thanksgiving.

Deep down, I knew that things would work out, that Chris would be OK, and I would start to see progress in my efforts; even after the job loss, I just knew we would not financially suffer too much. There was an inner calm or peace about all of these things, but they weren??t in the front of my mind. I wasn??t overly confident in these feelings??I was definitely NOT laughing! I won??t lie, when I heard the phrase from both men, I wanted to brush them off. Why did they see strength in me when I didn??t, or doubted myself? Especially at the worst possible moments. Was it a platitude? I didn??t think so. I??ve known Fr. Tony for years, and he??s very honest. I hadn??t known Shane as long, but he??d been up front with me since the first day of my training. Neither man was trying to trick me. When it came to my job and income loss, I went out on a limb. My entire life had been filled with a lot of anxiety around money. This time, there wasn??t much. I knew I was strong enough to figure out something.

What did I do when Chris was diagnosed (and even before, as we dealt with specialists and more tests)? What did I do when I knew my health might be at risk and I didn??t want that life, but was scared to try and change things? What did I do when I walked out of my office for the very last time, trying to hold back the tears of embarrassment?

I prayed.

I prayed that Chris?? condition would change??either through his own hard work or a miracle. I prayed that I would persevere at the gym and with developing other healthy habits. I prayed that we would make it through my unemployment, no matter how long, and that all of these things wouldn??t tear apart our marriage, as they have for so many other couples. I also saw this job loss as an opportunity to be a better wife; I wasn??t working 80 hour weeks or bringing much work home with me, but I felt that I wasn??t being the best wife to Chris. My job made me stressed, I was snapping at him, I hated going, I was miserable when at home. Most people go to their faith in bad times, and I was no different, except that I started to use my faith to see that things aren??t as bad as they might seem. And I??m no Pollyanna! I??m very cynical! I??ve tried to incorporate my faith in all areas of my life??yes, even the gym! When trying to push through the last few repetitions on a machine, I might mutter a Hail Mary to myself, especially ??Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners.??

Something changed, and I don??t know when, but again, there was that inner peace. It strengthens me. It enables me to reassure Chris that he will be OK when he doubts himself. He asks how I know; I tell him that I just do. I can??t explain it. It helps me at the gym when I look at myself in the mirror and see how far I??ve come, yet wonder how much longer I have to go. It guides me when I feel sad about my work situation, even though I??m doing a little freelance work and keeping myself busy. It has aided me in this foray into full time homemaking; while I might have once scoffed at women who do it full time (mostly out of jealousy), I??m seeing how much I do contribute. My strength at getting things done, calmly and on time, helps bring peace and dignity to our home. No more fights about who is doing what, who worked harder, who is distracted by their day and can??t listen to the other. My husband feels stronger because of what I do??being both mentally and physically present for him, especially during the past few months of vague prognoses.

Having been through all of these bad things over the past nine years??Chris?? accident, his two layoffs, issues with our jobs and families, my job loss, his health crisis, other difficult things??I can laugh. Not in an overconfident, cocky way. Nor am I attempting to test God. My laughter is more like ??I??ve been through ALL of this stuff, and I??m alive and well, so I know that I??ll get through whatever else comes my way. I have my faith, I have God, I have my husband and my family. I will be OK.?? This strength does make me feel rather dignified, but not in a holier-than-thou way; that inner peace and calm, via the strength given to me from my faith, keeps me together, helps me hold my head up high, gets things done.

Am I stronger than I think? Probably. It??s not something that I take for granted, and I give thanks to God for helping me to develop it.

(And for those who might by wondering, Chris recently had a follow up with his doctor??all of his lab work came back in the normal ranges! His hard work is paying off and we are so thankful.)

Jenn is currently discerning her true vocation during this forced sabbatical in her life. She and Chris live with their three crazy cats in Connecticut. (Did you like that alliteration?) She blogs at Chronicles of Real Life, which used to be known as The Adventures of Rabbit and Turtle. (She is the blogger formerly known as Rabbit.) On Twitter, she appears as @JentoInfinity. While she has many screen names, she promises she is one and the same.

This last week was so insane for me that I didn’t even look at my database and I missed an amazing guest post on Proverbs 31:21 that was light years better than anything I could have written. Andrea, I’m really sorry and your piece is going up today because I think people need to read it.

She fears not the snow for her house-hold; all her charges are doubly clothed. –Proverbs 31:21

I have personally struggled with Proverbs 31 since the first time I read it. I found each and every verse to be filled with impossible standards, which I thought I could never meet. I chose to write about this verse for Jen because it was this verse that made me realize the standards are impossible for us to do alone, but not impossible if we let God into our lives.

Worrying is what I do. I??m a worrier by nature; my husband would agree. My mind is constantly filled with what ifs for the future. What if my children aren??t healthy? What if I never find a good job? What happened to my husband if he didn??t return my call as quickly as I??d like?

Proverbs 31: 21 tells us that we should not worry, for our ??charges are doubly clothed??. Upon reflection I have found that this means that God blankets us with His comfort and with His wisdom. In times of sorrow, Jesus is next to us. When we are faced with difficult decisions, we can trust that as long as we truly place God in the center of our lives the decisions we make will allow Him to rejoice.

Although this makes sense to me logically, realistically it is hard to live life believing God will always provide. I know I shouldn??t fear for my family, health or finances, but I do regardless. So many women I know struggle with worries about the future. But women are commanded not to fear. God will take care of our lives.
Over the past few years I have actually found myself to be less anxious than I was at a younger age. Most days I trust that my family??s future will be bright.

Everyday I strive towards minimizing my worries. I ask God to take away my anxiety about the future. I ask Him to leave me with a sense of peace and trust. I find that when I pray more regularly, I am more in tune with what God wants and my worries are fewer.

If you tend to worry about your household, I encourage you to give all your anxiety up to God. He is more equipped to handle it.

Andrea is a Catholic, wife, mother and grad student. When she is not tending to bruises, studying or sipping wine she writes for Coffee with Mama Leigh about faith, family, food and budgeting.