Category Archives: Faith

40

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Psalm 40 has been coming up in various ways all of Friday. Unapologetically Episcopalian had it as their morning music and an interview with the monks behind Unvirtuous Abbey talked about the song “40” being sung at a U2 concert and the spiritual aspects of it. (BTW, you need to follow Unvirtuous Abbey on Facebook and Twitter. Trust me on this.)

With all this, I thought I’d just post the text of Psalm 40. As usual with psalms, I’m using the King James Version.

I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.
Blessed is that man that maketh the LORD his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
Many, O LORD my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.
Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.
Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me,
I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.
I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained my lips, O LORD, thou knowest.
I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation.
Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O LORD: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me.
For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me.
Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me: O LORD, make haste to help me.
Let them be ashamed and confounded together that seek after my soul to destroy it; let them be driven backward and put to shame that wish me evil.
Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame that say unto me, Aha, aha.
Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as love thy salvation say continually, The LORD be magnified.
But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God.

And for good measure, here is the video of U2 playing the song.

Got Faith?

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Finn: “How do you do it?”
Russell: “Do what?”
Finn: “Never lose faith.”
Russell: “Some things I hide better than you do.”

These were the last lines of Wednesday’s episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation between Finn (Elizabeth Shue) and D.B. Russell (Ted Danson). In the episode, a little boy was kidnapped and a power outage strikes Las Vegas right after they start investigating the case. Finn is convinced of the veracity of the “three hour rule” in which you have three hours to find the kidnapping victim before they’re dead and Russell keeps telling her that they’ll find the kid alive.

In my life, I’ve had people ask me how I’ve had tremendous faith or how I managed to believe when my back has been in a corner. My answer: I don’t have tremendous faith. I simply hide the fact that I honestly don’t know what is going to happen next. I couldn’t have told you anything about what I was going to do after college until about 3 months before that day. I then could not have predicted that I would not finish my MTS and instead be a vicar’s wife who ended up gaining some minor Internet notoriety over a couple things I wrote for the now-defunct blog portal blogs4God. I couldn’t have even imagined that I’d find a job in Montana I loved so much that I went back to work a week earlier than I should have been allowed to after my c-section with Daniel or that I’d love it so much that I’d go back to work 4 weeks after he came home. (There was also the financial reason but my love for my work was the primary one.) I simply trust that I will react to whatever happens next and that somehow I will probably survive it. There have only been two times when survival was called into question and that was Daniel’s birth (both of us almost died) and a year ago when I had to sign the permission to put Daniel on ECMO. I was probably going to survive the latter if it failed and Daniel died but it was going to be pretty darn hard.

Hebrews 11 is full of examples of people who showed amazing faith even though things got dicey. Abraham left his homeland to journey to a place which had been promised for him and became a father at an advanced age. Moses led the people out of Egypt even though he did not feel suited to the job. Others were executed by inhumane means, were tortured and exiled and did so showing incredible faith even though they may have been quaking in their sandals at the time.

I think it’s more about standing strong on God’s promises even if inside, you have no idea if you’ll make it. There’s no harm in admitting fear — courage is just recognizing that there is something greater than the fear: God.

7 Quick Takes — What I’ve Learned Thus Far in Lent

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7 Quick Takes

My Lenten discipline of writing every day has been fruitful in that it has allowed me to tackle some of the more interesting things going on with my spirit. Here my seven takes on what I’ve learned and what is yet to be discussed.

— 1 —

I’m seriously out of practice in talking serious theology. This is a bit distressing considering that I spent a year doing postgraduate study in that area. I did discover, however, that many of the answers I give are either from Luther’s Small Catechism or from the “theses” that we went through in Systematic Theology. Props to my Systematic Theology professor Dr. Michael Root who is now on staff with the Catholic University of America because I’ve used those suckers for 10 years now in every parish to explain the faith to people. (He used to be a one of the go-to people for ecumenism in the ELCA as well as a professor at Trinity and then professor/academic dean at LTSS but “swam the Tiber” in 2010.) I should probably go back through my notes from those two quarters because 10 years later, I’m in a position to have to talk to my ladies at Bible study about “how it all hangs together”.

— 2 —

I’m not as “over” Daniel’s hospital stay last year as I thought. I’m getting smacked in the evenings with crying jags when it all hits me. Doing my Lenten writing for Wednesday on Tuesday night was excruciating and I’m thankful that one of the pastors I know through Facebook (and other things) happened to be online because I needed someone to pray with me. Their child’s major surgery was 17 years ago and the anniversary still elicits something so I have a feeling that every March 1st is going to be tough for me on some level.

— 3 —

I read an amazing article on the exodus of young people from the Christian faith on which I will be posting thoughts. If you’ve seen the sticky post at the top of ::Meditatio::, it states that I will keep my mouth shut on my thoughts about the GOP field. This doesn’t necessarily apply.

— 4 —

I’m wishing that I had waited until Lent to read Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis by Lauren Winner. I know several pastors for whom it is their Lenten book and the topic as well as her reflections would have been good to do as daily readings. I will still be drawing on chapters from it for posts however.

— 5 —

Doing my Lenten posting has reminded me of how much I deeply love the Psalms. So far, I’ve posted Psalm 55 and Psalm 13 and I’ve used the online Bible site Bible Gateway which has, according to the site, 100 versions in 50 languages. (They’re not lying — I’ve used them for Pentecost posts in the past where I break the Acts 2 passage down by verse into different languages.) Anyway, they have the King James Version which just celebrated its 400th birthday and it’s my choice for the Psalms because I love their rendering in Elizabethan English. There’s a reason they are considered “the songbook of the Bible” other than the fact that they were used in the Temple in Jerusalem — they encompass pretty much every emotion that exists and at least 1/3 to 1/2 are ones that convey disappointment and sadness yet end on a positive note.

— 6 —

I do need to write about prayer and its power at some point. Whatever I write will probably be partially based on the chapter entitled “Healing Prayer” from Lauren Winner’s book because I should talk about it. The times during seminary when we had healing prayer were powerful as were the times I went when I attended Church of the Incarnation in Great Falls. Otherwise, I’ll probably talk about Morning Prayer, Evening Prayer, or Compline. (Yes, all those exist in the Lutheran Book of Worship — the green hymnal which is the predecessor to the cranberry one that exists now for the ELCA which is what we use at Metanoia.)

— 7 —

I do need to find an Episcopal priest to meet with for Confession. Why am I going to an Episcopal priest? I am going to them because they have a rite in their prayerbook for it and I think that after the events of the last couple years, I could use a chance to unburden my soul a bit. The Episcopal church in town is without a full-time pastor (not to mention that if they had one, Jon would probably know them) so I will probably have to go to Sacramento to do this. I need to download a copy of Reconciliation by Fr. Martin Smith for my NOOK so I can read through it and review the preparation necessary. It will likely be after March 15th because I’ve got Daniel things on the 2nd and 9th.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

Lenten Worship Music (II)

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I might be without Internet for about 24 hours so I’m doing my worship music post today (Wednesday) and scheduling it for tomorrow (Thursday).

The piece of music featured today is “I Will Arise and Go to Jesus”. Fernando Ortega and Amy Grant do an amazing duet version which is unfortunately not available on YouTube so you’re getting the Michael Card version which is also good but not good in the same way as the other one. The reason I like the Fernando Ortega/Amy Grant version is that they do the “Cross verses” which I’m pasting below:

View Him prostrate in the garden;
On the ground your Maker lies.
On the bloody tree behold Him;
Sinner, will this not suffice?

Lo! th??incarnate God ascended,
Pleads the merit of His blood:
Venture on Him, venture wholly,
Let no other trust intrude.

Lyrics are here.

Psalm 13

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11 years ago, I was coming back to school after having been to Urbana 2000. It was a positively AMAZING experience (and I don’t say that lightly) but I had developed a severe case of bronchitis which triggered a depressive attack. My mom had dropped me at my dorm and I had unwrapped my new 2001 calendar which she had given me and had pictures of nature with snatches of Psalms on them. (My mom isn’t Christian which should tell you how wonderful that gift was to me.) The January picture had Psalm 13:5 on it which reads as “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.” Seeing that, I decided to read the whole psalm and started weeping in a mixture of sadness and joy because it was like “THANK YOU LORD!!! YOU KNOW THAT I’M SUFFERING AND YOU CARE!!!”

Someone who has become a friend of mine is dealing with depression right now and I thought that it would be fitting to post Psalm 13 again as it is an appropriately Lenten psalm and also one that speaks to depression. I’m posting the King James Version because as I’ve said before, the psalms just sound so much more elegant in Elizabethan English.

How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.
–Psalm 13 (KJV)

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: February 27, 2012

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY February 27, 2012

Outside my window… sunny and neutrally warm.

I am thinking… about too many things to list.

I am thankful… for one of my teenagers who is going to baby-sit Daniel tonight during Bible study.

In the kitchen… I’m liking Bertolli’s frozen soups. Their florentine soup with chicken and tortellini was excellent.

I am wearing… blue maternity shirt, sweats, and my Jameson fleece.

I am creating… just this entry right now and later tonight, I’ll work on my Occupying Lent entry.

I am going… to Bible study tonight. Again, so grateful for one of the teenagers at church who can baby-sit because I don’t have the energy to chase Daniel.

I am wondering… when Daniel will fall asleep so I can wet-jet the Pediasure off the floors.

I am reading… nothing at the moment. I just finished Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis by Lauren Winner which was EXCELLENT and highly recommended.

I am hoping… everything falls into place that needs to this week.

I am looking forward to… being able to eat meat again on Fridays. I miss going and reading at the local sushi/teryaki place which had gotten to be a Friday habit.

I am learning that I am so incredibly out of practice in discussing theology — something I’ve studied at a graduate level.

Around the house… waiting to wet-jet those floors. Woo.

I am pondering… too many things. I’m a hugely introverted person and I think my mind has ADHD.

A favorite quote for today… “When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less.” — C.S. Lewis in “Mere Christianity”

One of my favorite things… good church music. I’m loving the non-contemporary classical stuff coming out of Unapologetically Episcopalian.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Bible Study and “Hart of Dixie” tonight, PT on Tuesday, speech and mid-week Lenten soup supper on Wednesday, OT on Thursday, speech eval on Friday, and hopefully nothing on Saturday.

A peek into my day… The “Occupy Pack n’ Play” movement started by my boys. In this picture, it’s my sissy tabby cat Cullen.

Cullen occupying the pack n' play.

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

I’m Truly Speechless

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Great Falls Tribune: Parents of child born with cystic fibrosis file lawsuit

I’m just going to quote the whole article.

The parents of a child born with cystic fibrosis have filed a lawsuit against health care providers contending they would have terminated the pregnancy had they known of the genetic disorder.

The Bozeman Daily Chronicle in a story published Sunday reports that Kerrie and Joe Evans of Gardiner filed the lawsuit in October in Gallatin County District Court, citing emotional distress and increased health care costs.

Named in the lawsuit are Livingston HealthCare, Bozeman OB/GYN and Shodair Children??s Hospital Department of Medical Genetics. Their attorney has asked that the case be dismissed.

Cystic fibrosis causes sticky mucus buildup in the lungs and other organs, leading to infections, digestive problems and death in young adulthood.

The typical life expectancy is about 37 years, according to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.

I decided to look up whether or not the test could be done in utero and according to March of Dimes, it can if medical tests show both parents to be carriers. If both parents are carriers, it’s a 25% chance that the baby will have CF.

Apparently, both parents did not know that they were carriers. According to the March of Dimes page, the risk is 1 in 29 for Caucasian parents. Doing the math, their risk of having a kid with CF is (1/29)x(1/29)x(1/4) which equals 1/3364 which is 0.0292%. In other words, it’s a very low risk but both parents have to know that they were carriers to have this result.

(By the way, my risk of HEELP Syndrome to the extent that I did was between 0.02-0.06% for comparison.)

As a mom of a special needs child, this is rendering me so angry that I’m almost speechless. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, the medical expenses are insane but apparently nobody decided to tell them to apply for Medicaid or SSI because their child could likely qualify. I’ve been in the NICU with Daniel as well as the PICU and the PICU stay was definitely worse because I saw kids *die* in there whose families I had come to know. Heck, my kid almost died one evening. It was the worst evening of my life and I never want to experience it again. Guess what? I’m not getting any emotional distress compensation for that nor will I ever. I’ve had to fight with Medi-Cal and California Childrens’ Services to pay for the part of his hospital stay and subsequent medical treatment that insurance didn’t cover. Apparently, I’m not getting a medal for that either.

However, if Daniel had died that night, all the angst/trauma/fighting for him would have been so incredibly worth it and I would have praised God for giving me the time I had with him because my life is immeasurably better because of him. Having Daniel taught me how to stand up for myself and not to take any crap from anybody. Getting to hold him for the first time in the NICU was amazing and one of my favorite pictures is of him and I asleep in the NICU on Mother’s Day. He is such a fighter that he inspires me daily and even though I have put God on notice several times since his birth, he has taught me so much about God’s power to heal.

I think the person in my life that most deserves to be angry at this story is Paula Ruter, a mom online who I have gotten to know. Her teenage daughter Anna has MSUD (Maple Syrup Urine Disease) and has suffered brain damage as a result of her protein levels getting so high and edema setting in. Paula isn’t getting any emotional distress compensation nor would she think of asking for any. By the way, MSUD is rare — the odds are 0.00056% so if anyone deserves compensation, it’s her.

I have said that I will never judge anyone on having an abortion because I am not in their shoes and I would not be able to make a decision like that for them. I think I may be proved wrong in this case.

Daniel and I on Mother's Day 2009