Category Archives: Faith

A Really Good Book About Sex

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I just finished Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity by Lauren Winner. I definitely have to say that it’s the best book on arguing in favor of chastity that I’ve seen. The point I think she made best is that chastity does not equal celibacy. Celibacy is the choice to refrain from sexual relations. Chastity is the conforming of our physical desires to God’s will. She explains that sex cannot be separated from marriage and sex works best in a community setting where marriage is respected and two people are uniting their bodies in a relationship that has been blessed.

When I was engaged, my two groups of friends were the Josh Harris cult people and the Rocky Horror Picture Show crowd. Both had things to say to me about my relationship with Jon and it seemed like both were chastizing me for different things. The Josh Harrisites chastized me for kissing Jon and the Rocky people told me I was utterly repressed for not sleeping with him. It was enough of a pain to wait 18 months (from engagement to nuptials) to be physically intimate with Jon and all this criticism did was make me feel guilty about my body, about my relationship, and it made intimacy a whole lot more difficult when we were first married.

It would have been really wonderful if I had been around Christians who did not consider premarital sex to be the most heinous sin in the world. There was no way I could have talked to my church about my physical relationship with Jon because on the few occasions that I tried, I got an earful. I didn’t really feel comfortable talking about it with either of my staffworkers and very few of my Christian friends were not in the Josh Harris cult. If the Church would treat premarital sex like any other sin and not hold it against the person perpetually, it might actually keep single people in the Church and give them some accountability that really does work.

Getting back to the book, Lauren makes these points and she also does a good job of explaining WHY masturbation and pr0n are such destructive things rather than just quoting a bunch of Scripture on the subject. She makes the case for accountability and WHY we should be so concerned about it.

I would very much recommend this book to all my single friends and all my married ones as well because she has words to say about marriage as well.

Confession Is Hopefully Good For This Soul?

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The past couple days have been good for me in terms of affirming that I can be a rock during crisis situations. They have also, unfortunately, made my people-pleasing tendencies rear their ugly heads. It’s making my angst (that I thought was put on hold) a whole lot worse and it’s causing me to doubt that people actually think that I’m a sane person because I had an experience tonight where I attempted to catch someone’s attention to ask them two questions that just completely backfired. (It left me with hives on my legs, a tight chest from my grass allergy, itchy eyes, and a desire to pull the covers over my head and hide from the world while repeating to myself that I am a moron and this other person [and those around them] must think I’m a complete idiot. If you want details, email me.)

I know that people-pleasing is a form of idolatry because the only opinion I should care about is the one of the God who created, sustains, and guides me. His opinion of me is that I am a beautiful daughter of His who He chose to redeem by sending His Son to die on the Cross in my place. With a Heavenly Father who thinks that much of me, I should ideally not care what others think about me, right? I wish…

I have spent the last few months in agony because people have been angry with me and not told me and I’ve had to walk on eggshells every time I’ve gone to one of Jon’s churches because it always seems like someone is constantly angry with me over something I had no idea that I had done. It has unfortunately translated into my personal life and is making some of my personal relationships really fractious.

*sighs* Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Agnus Dei qui tollis pecatta mundi, miserere me.

Deja-Vu All Over Again

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(It’s a Yogi Berra quote.)

I’ve been thinking back to June 2003 which was my baptism-by-fire into ministering to grieving people. Yesterday morning, I went and sat with a family who had lost their youngest son in a (very preventable) car accident and then stood with them at the funeral home as they went to view their son’s body. (Thankfully, the two funeral directors here had cleaned him up pretty well before letting the family see him.) Two years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to do either one. (I still did NOT want to be at the funeral home yesterday, but I was there because these are people I love and part of love is stepping outside one’s comfort zone.)

One thing that the bishop was emphasizing with me on Thursday was his belief in the priesthood of all believers. Jon had capitalized it on his mobility papers and it was an interesting point for me to ponder. My ministry may not be an ordained one, but I still do have one and I’m seeing more and more that I need to develop some of my gifts more because everything I have done as a pastor’s wife has prepared me for my next task.

I’ll be giving a prayer shawl to C (the mother of the deceased) today after I prep for Communion this afternoon. I’m hoping it’s a good thing for her…

the prayer shawl

OK… So It’s Not About Me…

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My angst is on hold at the moment because I need to be a mature adult. The adult son of some parishioners (who are among Jon’s biggest supporters and who are just wonderful people) was killed in a car accident last night. I went with Jon to be with the family this morning and was the hugger and hand-holder.

Being with people in crisis is actually really meaningful to me, so I think I’m going to train to be a hospice volunteer wherever Jon ends up next. It’s not ordained ministry, but it’s a necessary one.

Lord, thank you for reminding me that this is not all about me — it’s about You. However, could You please just smack me with a 2×4 next time instead of taking someone else’s life?

Oh yes… I love all of you very much and please WEAR YOUR SEATBELTS. This death could have been avoided if he had buckled up.

You Gotta Read This Book!

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I’ve been working through Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend and it’s been a really positive experience. Usually when I read psych stuff, I am either bored out of my mind or I start feeling guilty about being so screwed up. While there have been some convicting things said in this book, it has been really good for me overall. It has given me tools to deal with some of the junk that’s been happening in my life lately and it has also really helped my faith, as every point they make is grounded in Scripture.

So… you gotta read this book y’all!

“Girl Meets God”

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When I had lunch with Dawn in November of 2003, she recommended “Girl Meets God” by Lauren F. Winner to me as a book that I might find interesting. I put it on my “to read” list and it unfortunately got postponed indefinitely due to my local library system not having it. (Technically, I could have gotten it from Concordia College on I.L.L. but I didn’t know that until today.) When I was in Sioux Falls last weekend, I finally got a copy at Barnes & Noble.

My thoughts: as a convert to Christianity who came to faith as an Episcopalian, I could sooooooo identify with what Lauren had to say. I found myself saying “that is exactly how I would have said that” when she was talking about a lot of her experiences in the church and it was actually comforting to know that my conversion experience was not the weirdest one in the world. Having also studied Judaism as a Religious Studies major, I also could appreciate the aspects of Orthodox Judaism that she spoke about.

I got on Amazon.Com and got Lauren’s next two books. I don’t usually buy books (since I can find almost everything I want within my library system) but I felt like I’d use both of them in my ministry life (when I actually am [God willing] ordained) and I didn’t really want to have to explain to my local librarian why I was checking out the third one (Real Sex: A Naked Look at Chastity — there are just some things I don’t want to explain to everyone in the small town where I live).