Category Archives: Faith

52 Weeks of Blogging with a Purpose: What Being A Mom Looks Like

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The topic this week: what being a mom looks like. I’m going to borrow Becky’s way of laying things out.

Being a mom looks like an octopus. I have joked for four years about waiting for my third arm to grow in and I keep being really disappointed that it hasn’t yet. It would enable me to hold Daniel propped against my waist while signing some kind of medical document while the third arm goes through my wallet looking for insurance cards. Another great scenario: one arm can be under Daniel who has fallen asleep in my lap while the other two type things up.

Being a mom looks like a DVD player with a copy of “Winnie the Pooh” stuck in it. “Winnie the Pooh” allows me to get so incredibly much done in our house and I was never the mom who claimed that she would limit her kids’ screen time. (That would be seriously hypocritical of me.)

Being a mom looks like a bobblehead doll. I know that I do so much smiling and nodding at the crap people tell me about how to parent Daniel and the “advice” in parenting forums because it is either a.) absolute crap, b.) based on pseudoscience, c.) Sanctimommy sludge, or d.) all of the above. When Daniel was diagnosed with autism, I made the rule that I would only listen to advice from other autistic moms/grandmas because I would probably claw the other so-called “experts” to death. However, Jon really hates me shedding the blood of the stupid, so I do a lot of smiling and nodding.

Being a mom looks like a much-needed shower. I joke that if I can’t remember the last time I showered, it’s probably time. I can’t leave Daniel alone for 10 minutes in order to shower so any showers I get are while he’s sleeping, napping, at school, or being watched by someone else. I have a very simple hairstyle and I don’t wear make-up for this reason — I have no promise that I can do much past combing my hair and brushing my teeth when it comes to my morning beauty routine.

Being a mom looks like a candle lit in a church. Daniel figures into so many of my prayers and I have hopes and dreams for him. It’s not uncommon for me to duck into a church and light a candle for something when I’m out by myself.

Being a mom looks like a gymnastics coach after their athlete has nailed a perfect floor routine to win the Olympics. There has been pain, frustration, tears, and focus to reach a goal and when it finally happens, you want to pick up your child and spin them around.

Now go see Becky and what everyone else thinks of when imagining a mother.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: September 1, 2013

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY September 1, 2013

Outside my window… dark. It was a warm day though.

I am thinking… about all the stuff that has to be done around the house.

I am thankful… for the 5 minute downpour last night. I enjoyed the “after the rain” scent for the first time in probably 6 months. (It has been really dry here this year which has contributed to the massive Rim fire 100 miles away.)

In the kitchen… I need to figure out a meal plan.

I am wearing… blue shirt from Old Navy and blue plaid boxers.

I am creating… entry outlines for the week.

I am going… to my parents’ house this weekend.

I am wondering… when I’ll actually desire to eat normally again.

I am reading… Sundays in America by Suzanne Strempek Shea. I finished Jenny Lawson’s book, Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, last night. It was absolutely lovely and irreverent and crossed so many lines but in completely charming ways.

I am hoping… my stomach settles down. I am no longer able to eat fast food.

I am looking forward to… Ladies’ Night Out.

I am learning life with having to test my sugars.

Around the house… *pulls the covers over my head*

I am pondering… too many things.

A favorite quote for today… ??In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets… Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, “Here comes one who will augment our loves.” For in this love “to divide is not to take away.?? – C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… the smell of rain.

A few plans for the rest of the week: ABA therapy and Ladies’ Night Out on Wednesday, ABA therapy on Friday as well as heading to San Jose to see my parents.

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

7 Quick Takes: Prayer Set to Pop Music, Back to School Night, and News on Kaia

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7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

More than one way to pray. Mayim Bialik (“Amy Farrah Fowler” on The Big Bang Theory) linked up this video of the Listen Up! Jewish Vocal Band singing the Adon Olam to the tune of the Cup Song from “Pitch Perfect”. (There’s also a video of how they made the video.)

I remember teaching various “graces” to tunes like “Zippety Doodah” and “The Addams Family” theme song so it’s not surprising that you can fit various prayers into songs. “Amazing Grace” is another one that works well. I also remember figuring out how to set the Lutheran table grace (the linked version is all fancy, done in canon and then in 4-part harmony) to the tune of “Two Princes” by the Spin Doctors when Jon and I were off doing errands in Watertown, back when he was pastoring in Minnesota.

— 2 —

Camp song fun. The actions for the Cup Song remind me of the camp song, “It’s Not Hard I Tell You So”:

(And yes, I was totally the CIT and counselor who led the really off-the-wall camp songs. Fortunately for me, no recorded proof of this exists because I’d be paying major dollars to keep those quiet.)

— 3 —

Jim Gaffigan’s video “Mr. Universe”. I’ve been listening/watching “Mr. Universe” while I go to sleep lately. It’s positively lovely and it’s clean comedy. (I have it on at 2 a.m. as I’m typing this.) My tabby has been getting grumpy about this because it means that I’m not positioned correctly for him to climb on my side and displace my hips. Currently, he’s talking about McDonalds and is making me crave a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, some fries. and a Coke. (Yes, I’ve seen Supersize Me. I don’t think I ate anything from there for 5 years after that.)

— 4 —

Orphans Do you see these two darling children?

L-R: Brett and Iris
BrettIris

Brett still needs a mama. Iris finally has a family committed to her and they are in the homestudy stage.

Click on their names to see their Reece’s Rainbow pages.

— 5 —

Miss Kaia. I haven’t forgotten about Kaia.

Kaia

Her mama (and, I think, also her papa) are in her country to spring her from her orphanage either today or tomorrow. Once they’re all back in the States, I’ll update people with details of her actual name and everything.

— 6 —

Back to School Night. Daniel’s preschool had Back to School Night tonight and I went on behalf of Jon. It was good to go because I got the hand-out that Daniel’s teacher has given out to other parents before and that was helpful because it talks a little more about autism and ways to work with the kids. The parents of one of the kids who went off to kindergarten were there (their younger son is also autistic and in the class) so it was good to see them again and talk to them. It was also nice to find out that Daniel’s teacher prays for her kids and their families.

One other cool thing: they have an English class for some of the moms at the preschool and are looking for volunteers to help. I am not fluent in Spanish (the other mom is — she’s Mexican and her husband is Anglo) but I have experience teaching ESL so I’m going to email the principal about helping.

— 7 —

New Music. I realized this week that I had never heard “Fat-Bottomed Girls” by Queen so I went on YouTube to find it. Can we just say that I think it is freaking awesome? (I predict Jon cringing when he reads that last sentence.) I also realized that I hadn’t heard “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele before (it turns out that I’ve heard part it) so it’s playing on YouTube.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

Five Favorites: Miscellanea (XIII)

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Five Favorites

Un

The parishioner who called me on Monday night. I’m not supposed to have favorites but she is definitely one. The reason she’s on my “Five Favorites” this week: she called not to ask how Daniel was doing but to ask how *I* was doing. I realize that this is actually paying back the calls I made to her when her husband was in the hospital last fall and when she was in the hospital this spring; but it just really helps me to be strong when I know that I can call her or her husband and they’re standing behind me and praying for strength for *me* during times like Monday when stuff is going down and I really don’t know how I’m going to make it.

This is not to say that I don’t have other people in the congregation who pray for me and take care of me — she just happened to be that person on Monday.

Deux

The parishioners who transformed our fellowship hall into a 50’s diner last Wednesday. They created a booth out of some spare pews and a table, they laid down checkered floor stuff, they hung records from the ceiling, the waitstaff was all in 50’s garb… It was freaking awesome and the evil twin and his wife were impressed. Then again, these are the same people who put together a Haunted Hallway for Halloween, a four-star restaurant in the fellowship hall for Valentine’s Day (and it seriously looks like something out of Sunset magazine, and built a fountain in our parking lot last summer for the parish picnic.

Trois

Jenny Lawson’s book. She is freaking awesome, y’all. I haven’t had as many chances to read as I would have liked this past week but every time I sit down to read, I howl with laughter. I’m currently reading the chapters about her move to rural west Texas with the foxen, the scorpions, the squirrels, and everything else.

Quatre

Daniel’s laugh and smile. I know I’m totally biased because it’s my kid but seriously, it can both make me smile and bring me to tears (in a good way). He is the light of my life.

Mr. Boy

Cinq

Silence. It’s been sorely needed the last couple days. It’s why this post is being written at 2:00 a.m. — I need some time where Jon and Daniel are asleep and I can be alone in my thoughts. Daniel has school tomorrow/today (it *is* technically Wednesday) so I’ll get some needed quiet time then as well.

Go love up Hallie and the others.

{Virtual} Coffee Date (vol. 4)

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{Virtual Coffee Date}

Once you’re done here, go visit Karianna and the other coffee drinkers.

If we were having coffee, I’d let you know that the professor behind Bible Students Say… is grading and you need to go check it out. It’s definitely face-palming to read but that’s what makes it so entertaining.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that my endocrinologist would be a great person with whom to share a cup of coffee but as a medical professional, she makes me roll my eyes. She keeps making helpful suggestions that would work… if they were actually practical for me with my food issues and my life. Example: suggesting eggs as a possible breakfast for someone who is allergic to eggs (which is on my chart) or making suggestions for stuff to cut up and take with me. I can do things like ziploc snack bags of nuts for a snack but some of the meal plan stuff she gave me just left me incredibly hungry. I get that a 1200 calorie diet would cause me to lose a boatload of weight quickly but that’s also not totally reasonable for me. (FitDay has me at around 1500.)

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m bummed that the evil twin and his wife are now Washington-bound and how I’m secretly jealous because I’d love to live in the Pacific Northwest. I hate heat so living in Sacramento is hideous from about late May to early October. I’m also bummed because I was enjoying being close to family for a change. Oh well… this is another excuse to get to Washington on vacation.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that Daniel was his normal self today and I could probably have sent him to preschool but I didn’t want him giving whatever he had to the other kids or getting something else while his immunity was down. I also wish his ER doc had given him something that didn’t require improvising a mortar and pestle before dissolving it in 1 ml of water, and syringing it to him. (I’m glad to have the mad chemistry skillz but still!)

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you to go read Hallie’s Tell Me All About YOU! entry. I’m a wannabe sociologist and people-watcher and this is one of the few ways to do it online.

Thanks for having coffee (or tea) with me. See you next week!

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: August 25, 2013

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY August 25, 2013

Outside my window… dark. It was a sunny day though.

I am thinking… about the craziness that will be my next three days.

I am thankful… for the chance to see my brother one more time before he moves north on Tuesday.

I am wearing… light blue preeclampsia survivor shirt and black running shorts.

I am creating… blog posts.

I am going… to pray Compline soon.

I am reading… Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. I also finished Confessions of a GP by Dr. Benjamin Daniels and read Sweet Tea Revenge by Laura Childs.

I am hoping… Daniel’s cold doesn’t get worse.

I am looking forward to… Thursday when I’ll have a free morning.

I am pondering… too much internally.

A favorite quote for today… ??… We begin to notice besides our particular sinful act, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are. This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light. ?? – C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… Silence.

A few plans for the rest of the week: ENT appt and ABA therapy for Daniel tomorrow, hearing aid appointment on Tuesday, ripping the SSA a new one on Wednesday morning and ABA therapy that afternoon, nothing (yet) on Thursday, and ABA therapy on Friday.

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

52 Weeks of Blogging with a Purpose: 10 Survival Tips To the Expecting Mom

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The topic this week: 10 survival tips to the expecting mom.

Oh boy… I have had probably the weirdest motherhood experience on the planet so it’s weird to think that I’m qualified to offer advice. On the other hand, mi amigo Thomas and his wife Alison are preparing to welcome twins around Christmas/New Year/Candlemas and he put out the word that he needs advice on what they’ll need in terms of gear so I think I’ll make this a dual post seeing as I’m getting a late start (and backdating this — I was traveling today).

01.) Trust your body. For those not in the know, my wee bairn was born at 29.5 weeks because I developed HELLP Syndrome and the only way to save both of our lives was to deliver Daniel by c-section. The reason I lived was that I had medical professionals who caught it before it morphed into full-on HELLP Syndrome so that I was actually already in the hospital when ish got real and they were able to intervene enough to get me to a hospital who could handle it. I also knew that there was something really wrong and I spoke up (OK… actually I sobbed my eyes out — this is ME we’re talking about) about the fact that I knew something wasn’t right so I found out (later) that they were watching me pretty closely when I was in my local rural hospital.

02.) You *are* strong enough to get through “IT” whatever “IT” may be. One of my co-workers gave me the best advice possible when I confided in her that I was terrified of labor: it’s one of those things that nobody can do for you and by the time you’re there, you’re so busy living in the moment that you don’t have time to be scared. It actually even held true for my insane horror story of a delivery — I was so focused on getting through it that I forgot to be scared. It wasn’t until the adrenaline kicked out and I was off all the drugs they were giving me to keep me from going into multiple organ failure that I realized what had happened and completely broke down emotionally. Thankfully by that point, my mommy had arrived (I was in Montana and she was in California) and she was able to help me work through them. (I also had the most awesome high-risk OB on the planet who came back across town to sit by my bedside and talk me off various emotional ledges.)

03.) Trust your mama instincts. Believe this mama when she tells you that you will *KNOW* that baby better than anyone else. You’ve carried that precious sweetling for 9 months and you will get to know them so intimately that you will turn mama grizzly bear on anyone who opposes you. You will learn what their schedule is and what lullaby calms them down. You will also learn what a normal baby cold is and what RSV is and you might even save their lives with that knowledge… twice.

04.) Believe it or not, babies do come with an instruction manual. I kid you not: The Baby Owner’s Manual. I didn’t use my copy much because having a preemie with developmental delays is kind of like showing up to play basketball… with a badminton racquet. For someone with a typically developing baby (or two), I think it would be useful.

05.) The first month is going to suck at times. It gets better. There are going to be magical moments when your baby is asleep on your tummy and is taking a nap with you. There are also going to be times when you’re sobbing because YOUR-BABY-IS-CRYING-AND-OHMIGOSH-YOU-JUST-WANT-A-FREAKING-SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!! As my friend Janelle has said to me many a time when I’ve been flipping out because my life is so freaking hard, “it’s just a season.” She’s right. You will develop a rhythm and you’ll get the hang of things. Meanwhile, bribe people to bring you food and clean your house with offers to let them hold the baby… but only if they don’t have any upper respiratory viruses and have washed their hands up to their elbows according to ICU protocol and applied liberal amounts of alcohol gel. (I am just slightly OCD.)

06.) Invest in some kind of baby-wearing apparatus (not the right word but oh well) be it a mei-tei, an Ergo, or a Moby wrap. Seriously, this was the best thing EVER for church because I could have Jon or a parishioner help me get my Moby wrap secured and Daniel would sleep on my chest or take a bottle while I worshipped. It also was a nice way of having Daniel on me (and keeping him relatively happy) while also being able to do things around the house. The Moby wrap site also has MLB ones… including the Detroit Tigers. (This is a hint for Thomas.)

07.) Own whatever decision you make. I hang around crunchy attachment parenting types on Facebook who breast-feed, cloth diaper, think circumcision is barbaric… and I did totally the opposite. I was too sick to breast-feed (and really, I needed the sleep to avoid spiraling further into post-partum depression) so we went the formula route. Cloth diapering confused the heck out of me… so we went with Pampers. We chose to circ Daniel… and I feel no regret about it nor do I feel the deep need to justify any of this. *YOU* are the mama. The parishioner/”helpful” friend/grandmother/random person on the street isn’t. That’s all that matters.

08.) Make some kind of deal with your spouse or someone else to watch the child while you go run an errand, get a pedicure, go to $tarbux, etc. I know you totally love your baby. That’s awesome. What is even more awesome is getting to leave the house and be human for an hour or so. You can pump enough for a feeding and go have coffee with a friend or go out and have a date night with your husband.

09.) There are some indispensable things to have on hand. Other things, not so much. What I found to be useful were…. a pack n’ play (for travel), microwave steam sterilizer, a car seat with extra bases (one for mom’s car and one for dad’s car), a bouncer or swing (either one — just something to put the baby down into safely so you can drain your pasta or eat dinner), stroller (it helps), and a sense of perspective. That last one isn’t something you can buy in a store — let’s just say that if you understand that there are some things that will not matter in the grand scheme of things, it will make parenting easier.

10.) You are going to screw up. Suck it up and move on. No parent is perfect and [insert expletive] happens. Unless it requires a trip to the ER (who are more than used to dealing with hysterical parents), consider it a lesson learned. I’ve found that having the number of the local 24-hour Walgreens on hand is indispensable (because the pharmacist can tell you the correct dose of Tylenol to give at 4:30 a.m. when your child is teething) as is knowing the number for Poison Control. (Let’s face it… kids put stuff in their mouths. So do adults when they are in a state of severe sleep deprivation.)

Bonus: Every child is unique. Don’t compare yours to anyone else’s child. This is the biggest mistake I’ve made in parenting, especially because Daniel has so many developmental delays. I would have enjoyed his second year a whole lot more if I hadn’t been beating myself up because he wasn’t doing _______________ which his godparents’ daughter Emily had done at an earlier age. Having to fight for those milestones made them ten times sweeter.

Now go see Becky and what everyone else felt was necessary for survival.