Category Archives: Daniel

52 Weeks of Blogging with a Purpose: I Said I Would Never…

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This week’s topic: I said I would never…

I actually rarely say “I would never” about most things because I parent pretty much on the fly — I have to with a kid like Daniel. I’m the completely permissive parent who lets her kid do things that Jon wouldn’t, mostly because I’m the one home with him most of the time and there are only so many battles I can fight.

I pondered this topic (in between prayers for the ER visit this morning to not completely suck) and the only thing I came up with was…

I said I would never let my kids misbehave in church the way _____________________’s kids seemed to be allowed to do.

Does anyone have a good recipe for crow? Because, seriously, I have a kid who opens and closes the sanctuary doors, the bathroom doors, turns the lights on and off in the bathrooms, slams the cabinet doors in the narthex, does laps in the aisles, and melts down if his daddy preaches too long and his mommy hasn’t taken him around the block enough times. I used to sit and mentally glare at the kids who messed around in church and the parents who let them. Let’s just say that my attitude has changed since becoming a parent.

(Oh yes, the ER visit went fine. Daniel was coughing badly and refusing to eat or drink which is not a good sign. After being on hold with Urgent Care at UCD Pediatrics for 30 minutes, I decided to cut out the middleman and just haul tail to the pediatric ER at UCD Medical Center. Four hours, two breathing treatments, a dose of steroids, and one nap later, Daniel was his normal self again and he did not have to be admitted.)

Now go see Becky and what everyone else said they would never let their kids do.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: August 25, 2013

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY August 25, 2013

Outside my window… dark. It was a sunny day though.

I am thinking… about the craziness that will be my next three days.

I am thankful… for the chance to see my brother one more time before he moves north on Tuesday.

I am wearing… light blue preeclampsia survivor shirt and black running shorts.

I am creating… blog posts.

I am going… to pray Compline soon.

I am reading… Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. I also finished Confessions of a GP by Dr. Benjamin Daniels and read Sweet Tea Revenge by Laura Childs.

I am hoping… Daniel’s cold doesn’t get worse.

I am looking forward to… Thursday when I’ll have a free morning.

I am pondering… too much internally.

A favorite quote for today… ??… We begin to notice besides our particular sinful act, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are. This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light. ?? – C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… Silence.

A few plans for the rest of the week: ENT appt and ABA therapy for Daniel tomorrow, hearing aid appointment on Tuesday, ripping the SSA a new one on Wednesday morning and ABA therapy that afternoon, nothing (yet) on Thursday, and ABA therapy on Friday.

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

{Virtual} Coffee Date (vol. 3)

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{Virtual Coffee Date}

Karianna at Caffeinated Catholic Mama made this into a link-up. Woohoo! Once you’re done here, go visit her and the other coffee drinkers.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you about my father-in-law having hip replacement surgery tomorrow at 12:15 p.m. PDT and how it’s a bit more dangerous because of the cancer. I’d also ask if you could pray for him/send positive energy/good thoughts. I had a

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you about how much I appreciated my mother-in-law taking care of me this weekend by watching Daniel and letting him get filthy and covered with Greek yogurt. I appreciated that she took over Daniel duty so I could sleep, rest, and go shopping for Jon’s birthday presents. She also put on an incredible spread for a small family birthday gathering at a moment’s notice.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you about the book I’m currently reading, Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson (a.k.a. The Bloggess) and how I feel like I’m totally going to hell for reading it because it is so incredibly wrong but so insanely funny. Let’s just say that it explains her fondness for taxidermied animals doing weird things and leave it at that.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m kind of nervous for my endocrinologist appointment tomorrow because I haven’t been testing my sugars regularly, I haven’t lost a boatload of weight, and haven’t been obsessively tracking my food intake.

Thanks for having coffee (or tea) with me. I promise I’ll try to be less depressing next week.

52 Weeks of Blogging with a Purpose: 10 Survival Tips To the Expecting Mom

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The topic this week: 10 survival tips to the expecting mom.

Oh boy… I have had probably the weirdest motherhood experience on the planet so it’s weird to think that I’m qualified to offer advice. On the other hand, mi amigo Thomas and his wife Alison are preparing to welcome twins around Christmas/New Year/Candlemas and he put out the word that he needs advice on what they’ll need in terms of gear so I think I’ll make this a dual post seeing as I’m getting a late start (and backdating this — I was traveling today).

01.) Trust your body. For those not in the know, my wee bairn was born at 29.5 weeks because I developed HELLP Syndrome and the only way to save both of our lives was to deliver Daniel by c-section. The reason I lived was that I had medical professionals who caught it before it morphed into full-on HELLP Syndrome so that I was actually already in the hospital when ish got real and they were able to intervene enough to get me to a hospital who could handle it. I also knew that there was something really wrong and I spoke up (OK… actually I sobbed my eyes out — this is ME we’re talking about) about the fact that I knew something wasn’t right so I found out (later) that they were watching me pretty closely when I was in my local rural hospital.

02.) You *are* strong enough to get through “IT” whatever “IT” may be. One of my co-workers gave me the best advice possible when I confided in her that I was terrified of labor: it’s one of those things that nobody can do for you and by the time you’re there, you’re so busy living in the moment that you don’t have time to be scared. It actually even held true for my insane horror story of a delivery — I was so focused on getting through it that I forgot to be scared. It wasn’t until the adrenaline kicked out and I was off all the drugs they were giving me to keep me from going into multiple organ failure that I realized what had happened and completely broke down emotionally. Thankfully by that point, my mommy had arrived (I was in Montana and she was in California) and she was able to help me work through them. (I also had the most awesome high-risk OB on the planet who came back across town to sit by my bedside and talk me off various emotional ledges.)

03.) Trust your mama instincts. Believe this mama when she tells you that you will *KNOW* that baby better than anyone else. You’ve carried that precious sweetling for 9 months and you will get to know them so intimately that you will turn mama grizzly bear on anyone who opposes you. You will learn what their schedule is and what lullaby calms them down. You will also learn what a normal baby cold is and what RSV is and you might even save their lives with that knowledge… twice.

04.) Believe it or not, babies do come with an instruction manual. I kid you not: The Baby Owner’s Manual. I didn’t use my copy much because having a preemie with developmental delays is kind of like showing up to play basketball… with a badminton racquet. For someone with a typically developing baby (or two), I think it would be useful.

05.) The first month is going to suck at times. It gets better. There are going to be magical moments when your baby is asleep on your tummy and is taking a nap with you. There are also going to be times when you’re sobbing because YOUR-BABY-IS-CRYING-AND-OHMIGOSH-YOU-JUST-WANT-A-FREAKING-SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!! As my friend Janelle has said to me many a time when I’ve been flipping out because my life is so freaking hard, “it’s just a season.” She’s right. You will develop a rhythm and you’ll get the hang of things. Meanwhile, bribe people to bring you food and clean your house with offers to let them hold the baby… but only if they don’t have any upper respiratory viruses and have washed their hands up to their elbows according to ICU protocol and applied liberal amounts of alcohol gel. (I am just slightly OCD.)

06.) Invest in some kind of baby-wearing apparatus (not the right word but oh well) be it a mei-tei, an Ergo, or a Moby wrap. Seriously, this was the best thing EVER for church because I could have Jon or a parishioner help me get my Moby wrap secured and Daniel would sleep on my chest or take a bottle while I worshipped. It also was a nice way of having Daniel on me (and keeping him relatively happy) while also being able to do things around the house. The Moby wrap site also has MLB ones… including the Detroit Tigers. (This is a hint for Thomas.)

07.) Own whatever decision you make. I hang around crunchy attachment parenting types on Facebook who breast-feed, cloth diaper, think circumcision is barbaric… and I did totally the opposite. I was too sick to breast-feed (and really, I needed the sleep to avoid spiraling further into post-partum depression) so we went the formula route. Cloth diapering confused the heck out of me… so we went with Pampers. We chose to circ Daniel… and I feel no regret about it nor do I feel the deep need to justify any of this. *YOU* are the mama. The parishioner/”helpful” friend/grandmother/random person on the street isn’t. That’s all that matters.

08.) Make some kind of deal with your spouse or someone else to watch the child while you go run an errand, get a pedicure, go to $tarbux, etc. I know you totally love your baby. That’s awesome. What is even more awesome is getting to leave the house and be human for an hour or so. You can pump enough for a feeding and go have coffee with a friend or go out and have a date night with your husband.

09.) There are some indispensable things to have on hand. Other things, not so much. What I found to be useful were…. a pack n’ play (for travel), microwave steam sterilizer, a car seat with extra bases (one for mom’s car and one for dad’s car), a bouncer or swing (either one — just something to put the baby down into safely so you can drain your pasta or eat dinner), stroller (it helps), and a sense of perspective. That last one isn’t something you can buy in a store — let’s just say that if you understand that there are some things that will not matter in the grand scheme of things, it will make parenting easier.

10.) You are going to screw up. Suck it up and move on. No parent is perfect and [insert expletive] happens. Unless it requires a trip to the ER (who are more than used to dealing with hysterical parents), consider it a lesson learned. I’ve found that having the number of the local 24-hour Walgreens on hand is indispensable (because the pharmacist can tell you the correct dose of Tylenol to give at 4:30 a.m. when your child is teething) as is knowing the number for Poison Control. (Let’s face it… kids put stuff in their mouths. So do adults when they are in a state of severe sleep deprivation.)

Bonus: Every child is unique. Don’t compare yours to anyone else’s child. This is the biggest mistake I’ve made in parenting, especially because Daniel has so many developmental delays. I would have enjoyed his second year a whole lot more if I hadn’t been beating myself up because he wasn’t doing _______________ which his godparents’ daughter Emily had done at an earlier age. Having to fight for those milestones made them ten times sweeter.

Now go see Becky and what everyone else felt was necessary for survival.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: August 18, 2013

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY August 18, 2013

Outside my window… dark. It’s a full moon tonight though and I’m pretty sure my in-laws’ mew-mews are out being lions or something.

I am thinking… about all that I have to get done this week.

I am thankful… for a good visit down here and for my mother-in-law who has taken on a lot of Daniel duty so I can sleep in and take naps. She keeps me sane on these visits.

In the kitchen… cleaned up the leftovers from the manicotti that a neighbor brought over for Jon’s birthday dinner.

I am wearing… charcoal shirt and running shorts.

I am creating… blog entries.

I am going… to have a long drive back up to northern California tomorrow. I’ll actually be reading through most of it so I should hopefully be able to clear some of the “Mount TBR” on my NOOK.

I am wondering… what my kitties are up to back home.

I am reading… Confessions of a GP by Benjamin Daniels MD. It’s an interesting look at how the NHS looks in Britain in addition to anecdotes about his experiences as a doctor.

I am hoping… all goes well with my father-in-law’s surgery on Wednesday. If you could spare a prayer on his behalf, I’d appreciate it. His name is Ray.

I am looking forward to… my mani/pedi on Wednesday.

Around the house… nothing to report because my mother-in-law keeps a completely sterile house to the point that I could eat off of her kitchen floor.

I am pondering… what things to talk about for Thomas’ link-up. (If you have any thoughts/blog posts/etc on what was helpful when your kids were babies, go participate in the link-up. Thomas’ wife Alison is pregnant with twins and he’s picking the brain of the Internet on what to use.)

A favorite quote for today… ??When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of ‘No answer.’ It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, ‘Peace, child; you don’t understand.?? ? C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… solitude.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Daniel starts back to school on Tuesday, Morning Prayer on Tuesday, endocrinologist appointment and mani/pedi on Wednesday as well as my brother visiting, nothing on Thursday (thank God!), and ABA therapy on both Wednesday and Friday for Daniel

A peek into my day… My bed kitty while I’ve been down here. My cats are going to kill me.

Arthur

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

{Virtual} Coffee Date (vol. 2)

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I’m stealing borrowing this idea from Karianna at Caffeinated Catholic Mama again. Go check out her site and find out what she’d tell you if you were having coffee with her. Starting next week, this will be a weekly link-up. 🙂

If we were having coffee, I would explain that I’m sipping on Pellegrini because I’m nauseated from bloodwork this morning. The nurse did a good job at having it be painless but I’m still feeling the effects of it. The garlicky shrimp chow main I had for breakfast didn’t help.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m not sleeping well because I can’t get to sleep before a certain hour. I think if I were to do Compline on time, I’d be OK but my brain is hard to shut off at times. It’s a reason I tend to journal and blog at night — it makes my brain shut up quicker.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m nervous about seeing my father-in-law because I know the progress of his cancer and it is making me really sad. I love him and I want to see him but I’m also a bit afraid. It’s complicated.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about Daniel vocalizing and babbling using various consonant sounds. I will admit I’m looking forward to him learning to talk and am tempted to smack the people who warn me that he’ll never shut up.

Thanks for having coffee (or tea) with me. See you next week!

52 Weeks of Blogging with a Purpose: My Goals for Motherhood

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This week’s topic: my goals for motherhood.

Just resetting the bear...

Yeah… it’s almost 1 a.m. and I’m wrestling with this and also the car sitch. (If you could say a quick prayer that Daniel and I could get to Sacramento and back tomorrow, I’d appreciate it.)

I think my goals would be…

For Daniel to grow up knowing that he is loved by us for who he is. I admit that this is a subject that can keep me up late at night because there is so much that we don’t know about the future. We don’t know what this coming school year holds, if he’ll start talking this year, or what skills he’ll pick up. I’m endlessly thankful that we have an ABA program at the local preschool and that the Regional Center is picking up the tab for his ABA therapy outside of school. I guess I just want him to know that Jon and I love him so incredibly much and will always love him, no matter what.

For Daniel to know his worth as a child of God. This pastor’s wife has no clue how to pass the faith on to her son. Go me. I am hoping that he’ll pick up on me praying with him before we eat and eventually, he’ll be able to sit through church even if it’s with a “busy bag”. I want him to know that he is a child of the living God and that Jesus died for his sins. I want him to know that God loves him. I want him to be able to go to God in prayer and approach Him like a child would approach their Father. For all I know, Daniel has an amazing spiritual life and knows that God loves him — Daniel isn’t verbal so I don’t know how he could communicate that to me.

For Daniel to be more than a kid with autism (or an adult with autism). He is autistic but that doesn’t necessarily define him. He has a fascination for how things work and how they are put together so maybe he’ll be an engineer or an electrician or something like that. The possibilities are endless.

To show Daniel an example of a godly woman so that he will hopefully see that quality in a future spouse. Again, this is one of those things where I have no idea what I’m doing other than just letting Daniel see me praying, singing hymns and spiritual songs to him, and being the woman God wants me to be. If he can pick up on me tossing my trash into the garbage can at Target and the way my mom recycles yard waste, he can probably pick up on this?

To show Daniel a good example of a healthy marriage. Again, this is kind of a monkey-see-monkey-do type of thing at the moment. I want him to know how to talk things out civilly with his future wife and to respect her. I want him to know that it’s OK to disagree on the small things and to pick his battles because you can’t die on every hill.

For Daniel to be independent. This will be one of those things on which we’ll be working with his ABA tutors. I want Daniel to know how to cook something relatively simple, how to wash/dry his clothes, how to shop for groceries, how to clean, and how to survive in the outside world because I’m not going to be around forever.

I guess overall, my goals is for Daniel be the best person he can be.

Daniel and I.

Now go see Becky and what everyone else has for goals.