My friend, the priest’s wife at Remnant of Remnant, did her Quick Takes this week on why she blogs and she brought up a comment made on her site about how there was “something not quite right with [her]” and how it must be because her husband is a “liberal”. (That’s probably the last thing I’d consider labeling her husband.) Actually, I think there is “something not quite right” about a lot of us in the religious realm who blog, especially when we already have a visible role in the community.
One paragraph in particular resonates with me:
Am I cool enough so that people can see the Church as a viable addition to their hipster lifestyles? Am I conservative enough so as not to scandalize a traditional person (well- the Sound of Music is out)? Am I Eastern enough so that my tradition is better understood? Am I Western enough so as not to alienate the majority of the readers? Does my part-timer job and use of a charter school make me a fake stay-at-home mom and homeschooler? Do the cheese crunchies in my pantry make me a hypocrite after I blogged about health? So, I am going to blog for myself as a sort of journal. I’m not not blogging for Jesus and the Church, but I don’t represent the entirety of the Church (of course) so I pray that all readers see my disclaimer of sorts at the top of the page- “Jesus Christ, Son of God- have mercy on me, a sinner.”
Elisabeta (as I am dubbing “priest’s wife” for the rest of this post because I have a deathly fear of too many apostrophes) and I both occupy a position in the community that is rather unique. She is the wife of a priest at several small Byzantine Cathiolic missions. She is Father ______’s wife and whatever she does reflects on him, whether it has to do with her daughters not covering their heads in worship or it has to do with how she deals with prickly people. By the same token, I’m not “Jen” to a lot of people — I’m “Pastor Jon’s wife” and while I am in a much bigger community than I have been in his last two parishes, people still know who I am the second they hear my (incredibly unique and hyphenated) last name. I represent his parish (which I refer to as “Metanoia” on this blog) and I have to be very mindful of this in public. This means that I have to be polite to everyone, even when I would honestly like to apply a cattle prod to women who stop in the middle of an aisle at the grocery store and block the way or when I’d like to use a specific finger to let drivers on Highway 99 know what I think of their driving habits. I *try* to be extra sweet to the checkers at the grocery store and to anyone else with whom I do business, lest someone say that “the pastor’s wife at Metanoia was rude to me!!!!” and I catch flak from the church council over it.
In terms of my blogging, this is actually a blog that none of my parishioners know about (as far as I know) and I could actually use it as my personal soapbox to excoriate people for everything I believe to be a sin. However, I also know that I represent Christianity to a lot of non-Christians and Lutheranism to many believers. I could tell people that this is my own personal little haven and to find another blog if they can’t take what I dish out. Unfortunately, I seem to be somewhat of an anomaly as one who came to faith as an Episcopalian, hung out with Baptists in college, and now is married to a Lutheran pastor. I find my own company to be a bit boring so I welcome everyone who wants to come read this blog. I have never claimed this as a “Christian blog” — instead, I claim to be a blogger who is Christian and this means that those who leave comments are going to (hopefully) have a diversity of backgrounds and opinions. Having a diversity of readers is great because it means that I get a diversity of viewpoints on issues but I also have to remember that if I claim to be Christian, I have to act like it. Instead of mocking commenters with whom I disagree or being condescending, I need to either quietly delete their comments (which usually go to moderation) or be charitable.
Elisabeta and I have both dealt with criticism of ourselves via our blogs and while I can’t speak for her, I know it still rips me apart when someone very nastily criticizes me or criticizes something on my blog. For me, my blog is an extension of me — it’s where I work out a lot of things that are central to my life. I’ve also found that in this election year, people seem to be looking for a fight so anything I say on here can be used in a fight. I think this is something that makes it difficult for me (and probably for Elisabeta) to be a clergy wife — there are a lot of times when we have to smile and nod politely instead of saying what might actually be on our minds. By blogging, both of us are putting more of ourselves “out there” and we are creating even more opportunities for people to criticize us. By doing it, we also create community for ourselves. It was The Simple Woman’s Daybook that started our friendship and I’ve “met” another clergy wife through her.
So yes, there is “something not quite right” about ourselves — in “working out our salvation with fear and trembling” by blogging, we are constantly trying to find a balance between transparency and anonymity. We are setting ourselves up for people to tell us that we aren’t ________ enough but we are also unintentionally representing our faith traditions. In short, we are living out the lives God has ordained us to live and taking all of you along for the ride.
