Before I post my favorite fictitious Twitter accounts, I want to say this:

BOSTON, YOU FREAKING ROCK!

Your blood banks were already full before the explosion happened and you stepped up to house/feed/take care of displaced marathoners. Seeing the spreadsheet of people who volunteered to transport people, house people in spare rooms, and feed people brought tears to my eyes. May God reward your efforts and may your city experience healing.

OK… onto my five favorites…

@UnvirtuousAbbey. I love these irreverent Canadians who inspire myself and many others not to take ourselves too seriously as Christians. Whether it be Star Wars prayers, Beatles prayers, or 80’s prayers, they never cease to make me laugh.

@CatFoodBreath. I have no doubt that there is a real cat inspiring the account but whoever writes it is hilarious. The user info describes the cat as “a 17 pound Siamese cat with a sushi habit” and this doesn’t surprise me given that Siamese cats are considered to be the pitbulls of the domestic cat world. I can imagine my monsters saying just about everything CFB tweets though mine definitely haven’t discovered buttered toast unless Jon has been feeding it to them.

@Rev_Norespect. I think he has my experience in ministry covered except for the Lutheran-specific parts. It’s not all bad but there are some things like getting a boatload of produce during the summer from people (or canned fruits/jams/salsa in our current parish) that are unique to it. I also love his You Might Be a Small Church Pastor If… list because many of them are true.

@AnonChurchSec. I’m not the church secretary here for many reasons but I’ve helped out in Jon’s previous calls so I love Church Secretary. In the parishes where we’ve actually had one, I’ve made friends with them because they frequently are a source of support and also can sometimes be the gatekeeper to keep the crazies at bay. Having helped out, I can totally identify with a lot of what she says, especially her advice to get a guy from the church to come fix something. (I am totally not opposed to batting my eyelashes to get my way.)

@ThePastors_Wife. I most solemnly swear that I am up to no good that this is not my Twitter account. I do identify with a lot of what she writes though, especially on the words she doesn’t want to hear, how to get people to shut up and stop feeding me information that I shouldn’t be privy to, and she also loves (and retweets) Grumpy Cat.

Go love up Hallie and the others.