This past week, I had a guest post over at Worthy of Agape about things not to say to the mom of a child with special needs. In one of the comments, my friend Mandi suggested that I write a post about things to say/things to do to help moms like me. Here you go, Mandi!

I really try not to complain about life with Daniel because I love him and there are so many amazing moments in life with him. However, it *is* hard at times and there are days when I’m not sure how I’m going to make it until bedtime. I know that there are a lot of really well-meaning people who would like to help and don’t know how, so here are a few things you can say/do that will make my life easier:

Compliment me on something… ANYTHING related to Daniel. Seriously, hearing that I’m doing something right in raising Daniel does help. I have a wonderful woman in the parish who finds something to compliment me on every Sunday that I make it to church, even if she’s just saying that Daniel was… exuberant that day.

Tell me how good it is to see me when I’m out doing errands by myself. If you see me at the grocery store by myself, it means that I either found a qualified respite worker to watch Daniel or that Jon is home with him. Asking me pointedly where Daniel is and mentioning that you never got to go do errands by yourself when you had kids is not going to do anything except make me ponder how best to make you shut up. Pleasepleaseplease ask me how I’m doing, compliment me on the fact that I escaped the house to go shopping, and if all else fails, compliment me on the fact that I’m wearing pants and managed to slap on some deodorant before heading out in public.

If you see me struggling with a door or having trouble wrangling the bear child, please ask me how you can help. I don’t know when it stopped being common courtesy to hold doors open for people who are having trouble entering a room or building; but I wish it would come back into fashion. Seriously, opening the door for me and keeping it open while I wrangle a stroller or try to keep my hands on Daniel will make my day better. If I’m in the checkout line at the grocery store and am having trouble getting my items on the belt, feel free to ask if I need help. It might just mean entertaining Daniel in the cart for a minute while I quickly empty all my purchases from the cart’s basket.

Treat Daniel like you would treat any other 4 year old. The people at the Trader Joe’s in Elk Grove are great examples of this. One of my favorite workers will stop and have a conversation with Daniel (albeit a one-sided one) on his way to the back of the store for something and another worker will make race car noises when he’s pushing the cart as he helps us out to the car. Both of these things will make Daniel smile and make my day nicer.

Be patient with us. I know that you’re probably in a hurry and we’re blocking your exit — I’ve been in that situation as well. However, I’m doing my best to keep things moving and if I have the stroller with me, I’m pushing close to 45-50 pounds of dead weight. If you have to brush past us, just say “excuse me”. It’s the polite thing to do.

These are my two cents. I know there are other mamas like Mary, Kelly, and Kathleen who could probably add to this list.