I think the Lord is trying to do some major work on my heart these days…

For example, the earthquake that hit the Indian Ocean has me sad. The loss of life and the devastation is just massive and beyond my comprehension. My mother told me that the quake moved the island of Sumatra 100 feet (!!!) and they don’t even know the extent of the damage after even these days because some remote areas aren’t able to receive communication. My prayers go out to all the affected people — the death toll in all is up around 60K 116K at this point and that stretches across 10 countries. Lord, help me to keep my brothers and sisters in Asia and Africa in my mind that my prayers might be answered on behalf of them.

Various songs are also bringing me close to tears these days. I’ve downloaded quite a bit of Fernando Ortega’s music off of Napster (and yes, I am getting his CD’s so as not to deprive him of the royalties) and quite a bit of it is reaching a part of my heart that doesn’t seem to have been touched in awhile. It might be that the music touches the high church aspect of my life which goes for quiet and reverential worship and I haven’t experienced any good high church worship since leaving St.Paul’s. It might also be that what he’s singing is really echoing what I’m feeling in a way that very few songs can.

I admit that Christmas just didn’t feel right to me this year. I had a really hard time getting into the spirit because my mind was so focused on other things (like Advent) in my life. Christmas Eve didn’t seem right because most of what I was singing at the last service were some of the more happy-clappy popular Christmas songs. When we did sing hymns, we didn’t sing all the verses and I’m used to doing that. I also miss organ and the feeling that everyone is there at Christmas. Could it be that worship just didn’t feed my spirit on one of the most holy occasions of the year?

Lord, I admit that my heart hasn’t been focused on you lately because I’ve allowed other things in my life to distract me from you. Forgive me for not paying attention to you and help me to feel you moving in me again. Remove the feeling of sadness and gloom from me and help me to know Your joy again. Lord, finish the work of breaking my heart and then rebuild it as you would want it to be…