Category Archives: Faith

Five Favorites: Stupid Things People Say When I Tell Them That I’m A Pastor’s Wife

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Five Favorites

If you didn’t know, I’m married to a Lutheran pastor. Most people either know this or smile and nod politely but it causes some people to say some pretty *interesting* things. Here are the five most interesting ones that I remember, three that are reactions to hearing that I’m a pastor’s wife and two that are stupid things people have said because of who I am.

One

“So this means you can have sex, right?” This was said to me at 2003 at a visitation for a parishioner who had passed away by a co-worker of the parishioner’s son. I was standing in the funeral home next to the church in some fairly conservative clothes with my husband and his internship supervisor next to me. My response: “I really hope so.” The person walked away and I remember seeing my husband’s internship supervisor’s face turning an interesting shade of purple and his eyes almost popping out of his head. Apparently, this was one of the more interesting things he had encountered at a funeral visitation.

Two

“Does this mean that you’re a nun?” This was said to me by a Lutheran kid at a Lutheran church camp. (I point out that it was a Lutheran setting because our clergy are almost always married.) Apparently, he really hasn’t paid attention in church because I knew his pastor and said pastor is very much married with kids who are my age!

Three

“But you don’t look like a pastor’s wife!” One of my former co-workers said this during my second week of work when I came to work wearing my “Pastor’s wife of an LQPV Eagle” sweatshirt. (LQPV is the local high school in the area where my husband served his first parish.) Apparently, I’m supposed to be old and wear long dresses or denim jumpers or something??? I mean… I did the long dresses and skirts but apparently I don’t fit the stereotypes otherwise?

Let’s now just go into stupid things people have said to me because I was the pastor’s wife.

Four

“You’re a pastor’s wife! You’re supposed to be holy and doing the work of God’s church!” This was said to me by a 90something parishioner in Minnesota when I told him that he couldn’t just walk into our parsonage unannounced. It had been a week since I had undergone a laproscopic cholecystectomy (“lap chole” for short — gallbladder removal) and I was walking around the upper floor of our parsonage in my sports bra and running shorts, so I was a bit panicked when the front door suddenly opened and I heard someone calling out, “Pastor?!? Mrs. Pastor?!?” Thankfully, one of our elders was nice enough to go talk to him and explain politely why this wasn’t allowed. He was more amenable to him explaining it than the 25 year old pastor’s wife.

Five

“You’re a pastor’s wife. You can’t drink alcohol if you’re out at a restaurant.” This was said to me by one of my “special” people in Montana who decided that she needed to lecture me about my appearance and my reputation when she saw me out shopping in sweats. What she didn’t know: I never drank alcohol around parishioners and I hadn’t had a drink in probably… over a year at that point because my liver had a death wish and they had to scrape scar tissue off of it when I had my lap chole. (I’m also the world’s cheapest drunk so it wasn’t a stretch to give up drinking.) She felt that she had a duty to lecture me about my reputation and standing as a pastor’s wife which meant that she would criticize everything I did, regardless of whether or not everyone else approved of me.

Go love up Hallie and the others.

Five Favorites: Boston and Fictitious Twitters

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Five Favorites

Before I post my favorite fictitious Twitter accounts, I want to say this:

BOSTON, YOU FREAKING ROCK!

Your blood banks were already full before the explosion happened and you stepped up to house/feed/take care of displaced marathoners. Seeing the spreadsheet of people who volunteered to transport people, house people in spare rooms, and feed people brought tears to my eyes. May God reward your efforts and may your city experience healing.

OK… onto my five favorites…

Uno

@UnvirtuousAbbey. I love these irreverent Canadians who inspire myself and many others not to take ourselves too seriously as Christians. Whether it be Star Wars prayers, Beatles prayers, or 80’s prayers, they never cease to make me laugh.

Dos

@CatFoodBreath. I have no doubt that there is a real cat inspiring the account but whoever writes it is hilarious. The user info describes the cat as “a 17 pound Siamese cat with a sushi habit” and this doesn’t surprise me given that Siamese cats are considered to be the pitbulls of the domestic cat world. I can imagine my monsters saying just about everything CFB tweets though mine definitely haven’t discovered buttered toast unless Jon has been feeding it to them.

Tres

@Rev_Norespect. I think he has my experience in ministry covered except for the Lutheran-specific parts. It’s not all bad but there are some things like getting a boatload of produce during the summer from people (or canned fruits/jams/salsa in our current parish) that are unique to it. I also love his You Might Be a Small Church Pastor If… list because many of them are true.

Quatro

@AnonChurchSec. I’m not the church secretary here for many reasons but I’ve helped out in Jon’s previous calls so I love Church Secretary. In the parishes where we’ve actually had one, I’ve made friends with them because they frequently are a source of support and also can sometimes be the gatekeeper to keep the crazies at bay. Having helped out, I can totally identify with a lot of what she says, especially her advice to get a guy from the church to come fix something. (I am totally not opposed to batting my eyelashes to get my way.)

Cinco

@ThePastors_Wife. I most solemnly swear that I am up to no good that this is not my Twitter account. I do identify with a lot of what she writes though, especially on the words she doesn’t want to hear, how to get people to shut up and stop feeding me information that I shouldn’t be privy to, and she also loves (and retweets) Grumpy Cat.

Go love up Hallie and the others.

Surviving the NICU

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For those who don’t know, Jen Fulwiler of ConversionDiary.Com had her baby on April 8th. He has some breathing issues (unrelated to Jen’s pulmonary emboli) and is at a different hospital with better NICU facilities. She’s out of the original hospital but Joseph’s hospital is 30 minutes away. Priest’s Wife of Fear Not Little Flock put together a post on surviving the NICU and I thought I’d share my own wisdom as the picture below represents life for us 4 years ago.

Daniel being baptized on April 10, 2009

[+] Be gentle with yourself. It’s hard having a kid in the NICU. You get to cry as much as you want. If nothing else, you’re post-partum and it’s in the job description. You also need to take care of yourself though which means that you need to make an effort to eat, sleep, and do whatever you have to do to be functional.

[+] Ask LOTS and LOTS of questions. If you have qustionas and the doctor isn’t around, write them down and ask him when he rounds. (Oh yes… find out what time rounds are and be present for them.) There are no stupid questions when it comes to your baby. Want to know why they’re giving your baby a transfusion? Want to know what your child’s blood volume is? (I’m not kidding — I did actually ask the last one.) Ask away.

[+] Be as hands-on as you can. My son Daniel had specific care times at specific intervals. Our NICU encouraged me to be as involved as possible with them so I would take his temperature, change his diaper, and do anything else they needed done. It was good for me because I got to know what his baselines were and learned how to do things like bathe him without having to take a class. It also helps you know when there is something going on that needs attention. Something I didn’t know was that blood oxygen levels for preemies should be between 85-95% — anything higher can cause blindness.

[+] Engage in as much “kangaroo care” as possible. It has been empirically proven that “kangaroo care” (skin-to-skin contact with mom or dad) is beneficial to your baby as it helps them regulate their temperature and breathing. One of the best memories I have is of Daniel falling asleep on my chest. I also had the experience of him puking on my chest and having to remove my bra because of all the puke. 🙂

[+] Get the number for the NICU so you can call if you can’t room in with your baby. We couldn’t room in with Daniel until the end so I’d call the NICU before I left for the hospital and then when I got home. (I had a 2 hour commute each way so my favorite nurse actually instructed me to call when I got home.) I even called at 3 a.m. a few times when I needed an update.

These are my thoughts 4 years later. If you have any wisdom to offer, leave it over at Fear Not Little Flock.

Five Favorites: Literary Small Towns

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Five Favorites

My brain is consumed with literary devices and plot details for a NaNo piece so you’re getting another meme. Yay!!! This one is created and hosted by the illustrious Hallie Lord of Moxie Wife. When you finish reading this, go congratulate Hallie on her new baby Charlie who was born on April 4th.

Anyway, here are five of my favorite literary small towns where I enjoy disappearing when I read.

Un

Alpine, WA. It’s a former logging town that disappeared when the mill closed in the 1920’s. Author Mary Daheim’s family lived there and one of her series of murder mysteries takes place in the town with the premise that the town would still exist today. I think the closest real place would be the town of Skykomish along US-2 going over Stevens Pass. Having lived in small towns, I can completely picture it in my mind’s eye and being a wannabe Washingtonian, it’s one of my favorite places to escape.

Deux

Partonville, IL. This is the fictitious town created by Charlene Ann Baumbich (who used to read this blog) where Dorothy Wetstra lives in the “Dearest Dorothy” books. It’s halfway between Chicago and St. Louis and other than Dorothy, the main characters are Katie Durbin, a city slicker from Chicago who moves there to find her roots, Katie’s son Josh, and a number of other townspeople. It’s another small town where I can picture the layout and I can totally see myself sitting at the counter at Harry’s Grill with Arthur Landers and acting mayor Gladys McKern.

Trois

Pickax. This is the small town setting of “The Cat Who…” mysteries by Lilian Jackson Braun. Local millionaire James “Qwill” Qwilleran solves mysteries with the help of his Siamese cats KoKo and YumYum. I can also see the offices of “The Moose County Something”, the library where Qwill’s beloved Polly Duncan works, the theater in the old Klingenschoen mansion where plays take place and the apple barn where Qwill lives during the more temperate seasons of the year.

Quatre

Colleton County, NC. This is the setting for the Margaret Maron mysteries that deal with Judge Deborah Knott. I would argue that these are some of the best murder mysteries you will ever read. She’s the youngest and only girl of 12 kids, married to a sheriff’s deputy, and step-mom to his son. I love reading about the cases brought before her and some of the places she is sent to fill in for district judges around the state. The stories about her family are awesome and I can get completely lost in one of the mysteries and picture myself there.

Cinq

Mitford, NC. I would be a bad pastor’s wife if I didn’t mention Mitford, especially as I have the Jan Karon books almost completely committed to memory and my copies are falling apart. Having been in a ministry position (well… psuedo-ministry because I’m not ordained), some of the things that Father Tim does show a lack of boundaries, codependency, and a host of other things… but it’s also its own place and you minister to the people you have in front of you. I have a mental image of Lord’s Chapel, Fernbank, the hospital, the rectory, and all the other places you encounter.

OK now… go congratulate Hallie and read the lists of some other people.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: April 8, 2013

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY April 8, 2013

Outside my window… dark. We just got back from So Cal where it rained hard this morning, blew the car around going over the passes on I-5 between LA and Bakersfield. It was windy during most of the drive home and temperate when we rolled in around 7:45 p.m.

I am thinking… about way too many things right now which is why I’m blogging to empty my brain.

I am thankful… for our house sitter who shampooed our carpet in the living room. Can we say “going above and beyond the call of duty?”

In the kitchen… food brought home from my in-laws.

I am wearing… black Arabic “We will not be silent” shirt and navy blue “Left Behind” shorts.

I am creating… nothing at the moment.

I am going… to hope my packed week stays relatively quiet.

I am wondering… what my dreams will hold tonight.

I am reading… Maphead by Ken Jennings. I also finished a bunch of Mary Daheim “Alpine” murder mysteries this weekend.

I am hoping… for interesting dreams tonight.

I am looking forward to… my massage on Friday.

Around the house… unpacking to do.

I am pondering… too many things.

A favorite quote for today… “I must say my prayers today whether I feel devout or not; but that is only as I must learn my grammar if I am ever to read the poets.” — C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… Coca Cola.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Morning Prayer/editing tomorrow, Daniel’s well-child appointment on Wednesday, WIC appointment on Thursday, eye appointment and massage on Friday, and Respite Night on Saturday night.

A peek into my day… My in-laws’ new cat Tony.

My in-laws' new cat Tony.

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

What I Wore on Sunday: Easter 2013

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What I Wore Sunday

I actually made it to church today.

Wait… aren’t you a pastor’s wife?

I am. Unfortunately, it has been “the winter of the sick” for Daniel and I as well as Daniel regressing to “OMG-I-must-throw-a-massive-tantrum-because-Mommy-is-evil-and-won’t-let-me-slam-the-sanctuary-doors” stage which makes worship a complete joy.

This is Daniel and I after church today. I was going to pose with another grumpy object but my house panther was otherwise occupied and my demon spawn Freya had other plans.

What I wore today for Easter

Jen
Dress: Kohls
Cardi: Kohl’s
Shoes: Old Navy flip flops (my other dress shoes are heels and I have to be able to run to catch up with Daniel)

Daniel
Shirt: Target
Jeans: Carters?

Right now, Jon and Daniel are taking naps as are my feline overlords so I’m going to do the same. Ciao!

Oh yes… go see what everyone else is doing at Fine Linen and Purple as well as at Camp Patton.

Camp Patton

Lent 2013: “Ah Holy Jesus”

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It’s Holy Saturday so Jesus is in the tomb and we’ll do one more Holy Week/Triduum hymn — “Ah Holy Jesus”. It’s one of my favorites because it pulls no punches in relating that *I* am responsible for Christ being crucified.

Ah, holy Jesus, how hast Thou offended,
That man to judge Thee hath in hate pretended?
By foes derided, by Thine own rejected,
O most afflicted.

Who was the guilty? Who brought this upon Thee?
Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone Thee.
??Twas I, Lord, Jesus, I it was denied Thee!
I crucified Thee.

Lo, the Good Shepherd for the sheep is offered;
The slave hath sinned, and the Son hath suffered;
For man??s atonement, while he nothing heedeth,
God intercedeth.

For me, kind Jesus, was Thy incarnation,
Thy mortal sorrow, and Thy life??s oblation;
Thy death of anguish and Thy bitter passion,
For my salvation.

Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay Thee,
I do adore Thee, and will ever pray Thee,
Think on Thy pity and Thy love unswerving,
Not my deserving.
(HT: NetHymnal)

This particular arrangements has beautiful harmonies. I don’t know who sings it but it is exquisite.