i went to messiah this sunday as i needed another service for my anthro final project. (getting class credit to go to church — good concept.) when i got home, i decided to take care of something that had been really troubling me the night before. my friend steve lazaar died 2? years ago and i never really got to say good-bye or even grieve properly. it was funny that my Bible reading yesterday was on the woman at the well because jon pointed out that i hadn’t dealt with it yet, telling me to do whatever it took to get closure. last night, jon sat up with me as i let all of the 2? years of grief out. this afternoon, i walked down to the stevenson knoll and entered my favorite redwood grove. there, i stood and sobbed as i talked to steve and told him how much he had meant to me and thanked him for the influence that he had on my life. i then prayed for God to release me of my grief. the wind was whipping me as i left and walked down to the track where i prayed and meditated as i walked. it was a really calming experience. i know that some grief still remains but i have now gotten to say my good-byes.

i’ve realized that my hope boils down to six simple words: I KNOW MY REDEEMER LIVES. simple enough words (job 19:45) but they give me so much hope. i KNOW that He is with me. i KNOW that He will pull me through. i KNOW that i am saved by grace. i also was reflecting today on the most beautiful people i know and i’ve figured out that it is my friend veronica. she would be amazed to know that i think of her this way but she has just so much inner beauty. she is very traditionally catholic and she is religious in a way that really mirrors a complete love for others and love for God. she’s in anaheim this weekend for the catholic educators conference and when i talked to her today, she was just overflowing with joy. i rarely see such joy and it blessed me so richly.