Yesterday as Jon and I were driving around Cols visiting members in the hospital, we realized that we weren’t going to be able to visit D. He had been doing well on Friday and so we headed back to Newark for VBS, planning to visit him today.

Well… when we got there, we found that he had taken a serious turn for the worse. His heart had stopped on Friday night and there was extensive brain damage from a lack of oxygen. Jon and I were the ones sitting with the family when a no-code order (basically, if D’s heart stops, we say “yes Lord” and don’t try to resuscitate him) was issued by the doctor with the family’s blessing. In other words, we were needed TODAY. We ended up hanging out at the hospital for 7 hours and sitting with the family in ICU for much of it. When I wasn’t in the ICU, I was watching the grandkids so G and his wife could sit vigil with F in the ICU.

I seriously have no idea how I have gotten through this other than prayer, blogging, and singing along with my hymn CD’s when I get home. I am the world’s biggest sap and yet I’ve managed to stay stoic. I prayed constantly for D, for his wife F, and for their son G today when I was sitting in ICU. I got some quiet time in this morning which helped tremendously and I made sure to eat three meals, albeit small ones so that I wasn’t bitchy and hypoglycemic like I was yesterday.

I’m tired, headachy, dehydrated (from driving in the 90F heat), and grieving. It’s strange because I don’t recall having ever said more than 5 words to D in the 11 months we’ve been here; but he is part of the church family at Jon’s internship site and as the khouria and vicarette, it’s my job to take care of the members of the family and love them. D and his family are members of the church, so it’s part of my vicarette duties to take care of them in any way I can. I think once D goes home to his Heavenly Father, there can be a funeral and there can be closure for me. I just wish it was that simple for his family and my heart and prayers are going out to them right now. He was OK 10 days ago and now, he’s almost braindead. The surgeon even said that the fact that D has survived so long with everything is a miracle. I can’t even begin to imagine how F, his wife of 53 years, or G, their son, are feeling right now and I probably will never understand it fully.

Right now, my prayer is that D lets go and that his family can cope with his death. He is really at the point where it’s just the meds and machines keeping him alive and prolonging his life is really just for the family, and not for his benefit. I know that it’s completely not what I’ve been praying for in the last week, but it’s what is needed. Not my will Lord; but Thine be done.

Pray for all of us.

Precious Lord, take my hand…