Umm… LORD?

Jen!Â? You’re in Salt Lake City and you didn’t fall prey to the missionaries at the temple!Â? Congratulations on resisting the temptation to do all those things you were threatening to do last night.

OK LORD, you’ve known me for like how long?Â? You know that I wouldn’t bring a frappucino onto the temple grounds and ask one of the hot elders to hold it.Â? Then again, you also made it so that all the missionaries on duty today were sisters.

There is a method to my madness.Â? Now what’s this about you needing a cloak to touch?

Well… you know I’m having this problem where it’s week 3 of my period and I’m bleeding severely.

Jen, the woman you’re thinking of suffered with this kind of thing for 12 years!Â? You can deal with a couple weeks of discomfort.

And what about the damage this is doing to my body?

You know that I have my plans for yo-

I know… to prosper and all that jazz.Â? Could we maybe amend the plans so that they don’t involve me fainting from loss of blood or getting majorly anemic?

I’ll see what I can do.Â? Meanwhile, keep up the protein and avoid salt and caffeine.Â? This means no $tarbuck$ or other satanic corporate foods until the problem is resolved.

What if what I get doesn’t have caffeine?

Stop finding loopholes and go take some Pamprin!

Thy will be done LORD.Â? Amen.Â? Over and out!