giving of myself

well… alisa called in sick today (with hayfever which is no excuse — i’m suffering too and i’m still working) so john worked on his day off. i think that they’re trying to make it up to me for what happened on the 21st. i really did appreciate john today because i needed someone to keep me sane. he’s also a really positive and laid-back person and it makes working with him a lot more fun and a lot easier on me. there is *waaaaay* too much negativity in the workplace and being around it 24/7 doesn’t help.

i’m learning more and more day by day that love is about giving of yourself, even when you just cannot give any more. jon has always been really unselfish with the time he’s spent calming me down in illness and depression and stress. it was wonderful to be able to do the same for him today. it seems like the stressful moments with each other turn out to be the most wonderful ones for our friendship and our relationship. my ex-jon just couldn’t do this. he gave of himself to me but wouldn’t let me give any of myself to him. this really hurt because i felt like i couldn’t repay him for the times when he helped me. apparently, he didn’t think i would understand. hello… i’ve been through many of the same problems. you know this… i know what it’s like to be doubting. i know what it’s like to have a loved one going through cancer treatment. it just really irritates me that he is so thick-headed!!!

my quiet time today had readings from philipians 4:10-20. this passage has two of the coolest verses: philipians 4:11 which states that “i have learned to be content in any circumstances”; and philipians 4:13 which states that “i can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” 4:11 is one that i should probably start living out better since i do have a weakness for whining about my circumstances. many face worse things than i do and the Lord has gotten me through some really hairy trials. 4:13 is my power verse as it really tells me where my strength is located and why i am as strong as i am.

i lift my eyes up up to the mountains where does my help comes from? my help comes from you maker of heaven creator of the earth oh how i need you Lord you are my only hope you’re my only prayer so i will wait for you to come and rescue me to come and give me life…
-“i lift my eyes up” (praise song)