I’ve lived in the LA area for over six months now and have driven on freeways and city streets. In keeping with my reputation as a grouch and cynic, here are my rules (and requests) for those sharing the road with me.

1.) FOR THE LOVE OF [insert deity], DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was on the 60 on Wednesday and was about to change lanes when a car decided to change right next to me. She didn’t signal or give any warning… because she was texting. Yes… she was texting… ON A FREEWAY DURING RUSH HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This, by the way, is extremely illegal as is operating a cell phone while driving. It’s already dangerous enough on those freeways without morons like her texting and driving.

2.) Try to have some idea of what exit you need to take and when you need to move over to exit. Really… they do tell you how far it is until your exit. Try not to be in the farthest left lane and then play the MOVE OVER NOW!!!!!!!!!! game, especially during rush hour. And when you do miss your exit, do not just stop randomly on the freeway which will eventually cause a chain reaction crash. Trust me… you can probably take the next exit and get back on the freeway going the other direction to get to where you need to go.

3.) You might not be able to turn right just because you’re in a right-turn lane. Yes, the light is red and I’m in a right-turn lane. However, there are cars coming at me that are ALSO turning and going out into the intersection right now would not be the best move. Pay attention to traffic, you morons!!!

4.) Honking your horn at me in the above situation is not an effective way to get me to move. I don’t care if you wear out your horn — I’m not moving if it’s not safe for me to do so.

More to come…