My parents are in Ireland right now and asked my brother to send them reports on how the house and the cats are doing. He’s known for his strange reports, most involving destruction to the house and injury to my mom’s cat. So… here is this year’s report on the house, with the caveat that it is not politically correct and all. (It’s meant in humor.)

[tic]

Dear parents,

Yet another episode of my watching the house has come and gone and things couldn’t be better, although I should mention we have a few guests at the house currently. You see, the repairs have been costly every since CHP shot holes in our roof and the monsoon came through, so I figured I would expand my income by taking on a few tenants, so I went down to the old Feed and Fuel and found some nicem individuals, Bubba, Moon Dog, and their entourage. SInce you two have the biggest room, I gave them that one. They pretty much keep to themselves and are quiet during the daytime, orta sleeping in a pile like dogs do, but they are a lot of fun at night. I did not understand why they needed to sacrifice a goat in the middle of the bed, esspecially since they are vegetarians, and I’m still not sure why they had to eat the drapes and a few of our paintings, but I am amazed at just how many tatoos you can get on an orange tabby, well a rather bald orange tabby now. They tatooed the faces od dogs on each of her flanks, so she’s aftraid to turn in any direction. SHe just walks straight, or at a slight angle, so she bumps into a lot, but the bikers love it. They even gamble based on wher the cat will end up. Trail KItty is in the corner of the kitchen in the fetal position rocking backward and forward, eyes fixed forward, doing the kitty equivalent of muttering softly. I guess he doesn’t like it when they ride their Hogs though the house, hogs they found
up in Quicksilver.

Their rent was still not enough to fix the roof however, so I took on a group of Muslim extremists and put them in Jenny’s old room. They immediatly destroyed all the computers and burned them as the Great Satan and began removing all the alcohol from the house, which saddly included the moonshine stills the bikers had set up. The bikers in turn sacrificed one of the hogs and served it to them, which led to the manufacture of bombs and, well, we still have most of the living room left I shoiuld stay. I think if we get a few cubicle dividerswe can live in relative privacy.

Of course when the building inspector came by wantingt o condemn the house, I chased him off, shooting at him and accusing him of being a communist. He said he’d be back with back up, so I’ll be waiting for that. Anyway, I hope the trip is going well. YOu might want to buy a tent incase I can’t fend the state off.

[/tic]