The events of the last few days have reminded me of some words from Isaiah:

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:8-11)

In other words, our will is not automatically that of the Lord and we need to be cogniscent of that. For the last week I had been praying for D to survive and recover and my prayers shifted when I discerned that God’s will was not that he survive. The decision is probably going to be made today about taking the breathing tube out and decreasing the meds keeping him alive. Those are artificial things, which means that he’s not really himself and God’s will seems to be that he lay down his sword and rest instead of keeping up the fight.

I slept fitfully last night and the tears I was fighting back yesterday finally flowed this morning during my blog-reading and prayer time. (My devotions are situated in the middle of my blogroll so that they are part of my wake-up ritual.) I was listening to “There Is Love” by Paul Stookey and I can’t think of a better place than in my study with a soft and furry stressball next to me to pet. I also got a little weepy when Jon and I went out to run errands today. I’ve sat with D’s family, held their hands, hugged them (which I think shocked G when I asked him if I could hug him), prayed with them,… I can’t help but be emotionally involved. We gave the news to the head of the Licking County Center for the Visually Impaired today (as D and F are his volunteers) and it was brutal. We prayed with him and we hugged. (It shocks me at how anti-hug Ohio is. *EVERYONE* hugs in California.) I’m gonna be OK once D let’s go and goes home to be with his Father; but the prolonging is tough.

I realized today that there *IS* a reason why I’ve been unemployed for so long — it frees me up to do the Lord’s work. I would have felt bad about not being able to be there for Jon (not to mention possibly being stranded at work) if I had been working during this time. It has also allowed me to get to know D’s family who are really cool.

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, help me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn…