The last few days have been proof of how much love and support I have here. I met with my pastor after my Hebrew quiz on Tuesday and he really affirmed my decision and told me that he would totally support me in whatever I did. Pastor Tom also asked me a lot about my stomach and grilled me on my Crohn’s disease (something that I’ll have to get used to as it *is* stress-related). He suggested I talk to our seminary president who is a former bishop to see if I would stay with Southern Ohio Synod for my candidacy or not.

I talked with Dr. Ramseth (our seminary president) yesterday and he was incredibly affirming and also (I think) very shocked. He was trying to come up with answers so that Jon and I can stay which was really hard for me because I felt really conflicted between what I felt God wanted and what I want (which is not to leave the community). He asked what was said and he is going to look into it to make sure that my needs are met as well as Jon’s. I was really thankful because I honestly feel like Jon and I were treated badly by the Contextual Ed person (who is being badmouthed by some of the students in her advisory group). When I started crying, he passed me some Kleenex and also prayed with me for God’s guidance.

This morning in chapel, I started crying and could not stop. I tried cleaning my face after class but people decided to hug me which got me started crying again. Then, we had the Junior Class Prayer Meeting because a lot of the people in my class are going through some pretty tough times. I felt bad because other people have been through death and illness and I was sitting there crying because I was upset about leaving. People were incredibly accepting though and I feel like I have an incredible support base here.

It’s ironic and probably not coincidental that all of this is coming out on Valentine’s Day. It was an agape kind of love that led to the first Valentine’s Day when St. Valentine sent messages to people from his cell and counselled young lovers. I think that the love and support of the community was the best present I could have received today. I just really wished I knew what God wanted for me right now. I am feeling so torn and conflicted and I just feel helpless. I know that I can pray and that prayer is the best weapon; but I just still feel like I am in a mire of despair at times. C/S