Normally, I’d be giving you passive-aggressive Quick Takes about how Spain had to import diptheria anti-toxin emergently from Russia because a 6 year old boys parents fell for the anti-vaccination scheme and how he’s in the ICU as a result. (Seriously people, VACCINATE YOUR FREAKING KIDS!!!!) Instead, you get to see me blog about water-saving efforts in my normal tonge-in-cheek fashion. (I’ll try to make it entertaining, m’kay?)
Give up your lawn. That beautiful green grass that you spent a fortune putting in last year is a waste of water that could be better spent keeping the greens at the local country club in tip-top shape. Not to mention, ye olde city council has sacrificed the running of the beautiful fountain in front of the municipal offices so you’re just going to have to let that nice lawn go brown and spend the money to re-sod it next year. Just remember: it’s a violation of city code to have those weeds making everything look shaggy so make sure you remember to cut the grass every week in the hot sun!
Catch wasted water in your shower by using a bucket. Do you know how much water gets wasted by running it until it reaches a temperature that will not freeze you to death or boil you??? A lot of it! Stick a 5 gallon bucket in that shower and use that water to water your garden which you have redone with all drought-tolerant plants! Well… if you haven’t offered up your dashed gardening hopes on behalf of people in sub-Saharan Africa who have no clean water, that is.
Take “camp showers”. You know how you were only allowed to have the shower on for 30 seconds at camp to wet yourself down, rinse the shampoo out of your hair, and rinse the soap off? Time to implement those at home! You only need like 30 seconds to wet yourself down, 30 seconds to rinse the shampoo out, and 30 seconds to rinse the soap off, right? Think of all the water you’ll save that Nestle can extract and bottle for their corporate profits!
Use the bathroom outside the house. Do you need to make a Target run? Combine it with answering the call of nature and make a stop in the fabulous Target bathrooms! The alcohol gel you’ll want to douse yourself with afterwards (that is, if your Target’s bathrooms are as foul as the ones at my local store) is on aisle F27!
Shower at the gym. What? You don’t have a gym membership? Don’t you care about personal fitness?!?!?!?!?
Replace all your appliances (mainly your dishwasher and washing machine) with more efficient ones. Trust me… you can’t wash dishes by hand more efficently than a dishwasher can wash them. You know you needed new appliances anyway, right? What else are credit cards for?!?!?!? (Seriously, I’m kidding on this one.)
Move. Apartment buildings aren’t subect to the serious water restrictions placed on homeowners by municipalities. (Homeowners are being told to cut 25-35% of their 2013 usage depending on the municipality.) Better yet, move to a state where this weird phenomenon called “rain” exists!
For more Quick Takes, visit Kelly at This Ain’t The Lyceum.