Every now and then, I ponder a return to the Episcopal Church. It was my first stop when I accepted Christ and one could say that I “imprinted” on it. I love liturgy, organ music, hymns that date back hundreds of years, the fact that I am allowed to have a brain (instead of the “you can be a Christian intellectual if you agree with what we’re talking about” that I get from all other Protestant and Reformed groups), the idea that the Eucharist is an integral part of the service (still getting used to Communion once a month instead of once a week), the reverence that I have yet to find anywhere else…
I cannot describe the feeling of Episcopal/Anglican worship any other way than the feeling that I’m home. Jon’s internship parish was the only other place that came close — it’s the idea that the church service isn’t just an hour of listening to people talk about God but a time of communal prayer/singing/celebration which is over when it’s over and not subject to a specific time limit. (Well… other than Sunday school.) It’s having worship being a verb and not a noun. It’s letting some things about the Lord remain mysteries and reveling in the fact that there are so many incomprehensible things and yet we serve a God who wants to love us. It’s understanding the traditions of those who have come before us and saying the same creed as people on 6 other continents. It’s being able to enter a church on all 6 of those continents and be completely at home with the worship service. It’s the liturgy which gives my life direction as the church calendar cycles through the seasons in a way that covers the life of Christ and the Church. It’s the tradition of sung worship.
So what’s stopping me? Well, there’s the fact that the nearest non-mission congregation is an hour away and we have only one car. There’s the fact that me attending an Episcopal church would potentially undermine Jon’s ministry in the ELCA and would royally irritate some members of our church who are active in Word Alone. (I’ll disclose my thoughts on Word Alone another time.) There are the serious issues I have with the consecration of Bishop Gene Robinson. There’s the fact that you have people in the Church who are syncretistic. (Well… you have that in most mainline Protestant denominations.) There’s the fact that any seminary that is as conservative as I am wouldn’t accept me as a student because I have an extra X chromosome.
Yet, I feel like I need to do something. Jon is a Pietist and that’s great for him if it works for him. I, on the other hand, am very high church and am not being fed by having to worship with people who are allergic to Catholicism as most Protestants are. I *WANT* to sing prayers and psalms. I *WANT* to celebrate the Eucharist weekly. I *WANT* to be part of a body that lets me have a brain. I *WANT* to be part of a body that doesn’t dictate to its members how they should vote. I *WANT* to be part of a church that thinks about the world around them. I *WANT* to be part of a church that isn’t terrified of Latin.
Guess I’m staying put for awhile. Hopefully, I can find some high church friends in seminary (when the ELCA decides that they want to let me start my candidacy) so that I don’t feel like such an anomaly. Otherwise, I’m guessing that I’ll be one of those strange Lutherans who ends up serving an Episcopal church.
Ah Jen, I know what you mean. It shouldn’t matter but it does. I’m surprised at the once-a-month communion. Is it because they are small congregations sharing a pastor? Seems one could celebrate communion every other week. No?
There are more than a few Lutherans who have ‘crossed the Tiber” writing on the Internet. Bill Cork is one and I think Novak at “First Things” is another.
My flirtation with the Anglicans ended in disappointment – they didn’t seem to BELIEVE in anything. That may have been that congregation but it didn’t make up for a beautiful worship as there was no substance underlying it as evidenced in Bible Study and other activities. Very postmodern group they were.
Ellana
The once a month communion is more because it’s an old Norwegian congregation (very low church and suspicious of anything Catholic like weekly communion), they had circuit riding preachers originally (the “it’s always been done this way”), and most of the old timers are used to 4 times a year. I think the older people would refrain from taking it if we offered it more than once a month because it wouldn’t feel right to them.
As far as your experience with Anglicans, it really depends on the parish. There are some that are very strict, traditional people and others that are very postmodern and syncretistic. I’ve been lucky so far to get ones that actually know what they believe.
Wouldn’t Wycliff in Toronto take you? It’s v. conservative, I think. It’s also in Canada, unfortunately.
Therein lies the problem: I have to become Anglican before I could do any studies there. Jon and I can’t really move to Canada for at least the next 10 years.
What might happen is that we get student loans and stuff paid off and then jump ship (if we can get both of us ordained) to the Anglican Church in Canada.
I was raised (and still am) a Baptist – American Baptist to be specific. When I first moved to the Bay area, I wanted a church that both Dean and I could go to (he was raised Unitarian), so we ended up at First Congregational Church of Berkeley – United Church of Christ. While I truly loved the ritual and the “high church” feel, there was no substance behind it. By the time I’d been there about 9 months or so, Dean had quit going, and their theology made me cringe. UCC is a liberal denomination, and the Berkeley branch even more so. The proverbial straw was on Easter Sunday morning. I’m sitting in the choir loft – I happened to be almost dead center – and the pastor said from the pulpit that while we knew *something* happened on that first Easter morning, we’re not exactly sure what. Very shortly thereafter I was church shopping, and wound up back at an American Baptist church.
I love the ritual, but it has to have meaning, and substance. Not a little bit from Christianity (excluding Jesus, of course), a little from Buddhism, a smattering of Hinduism, and several other isms thrown in for good measure. I do love the old hymns and the organ, and even singing & chanting in Latin. But I’m comfortable with praise choruses as well (and I wish my new church had a band).
Everything in Berkeley is more progressively liberal than the rest of the world except for the evangelical churches.
I’m actually comfortable in both uber-traditional and uber-contemporary settings. I just am feeling more fed right now by traditional worship. I’ve found that the conservative Episcopal congregations as well as the parish where Jon did his internship are what really feed me and make me feel connected. It’s just a sense of reverence that I don’t get in a contemporary or low church setting.
*hugs* this sounds like a tough situation, and i don’t envy you in it.
at times i’ve considered going episcopalian (when i researched denominations, i agreed with them the most followed very closely by methodists, which isn’t surprising; however, i prefered the local umc so we stuck there). i’ve also considered a couple of other even more liberal denominations.
anyway, what i’m saying is, “i feel ya” yet i know that i don’t know everything you’re going through because i don’t have a husband in ordained ministry and all that. so… *HUGS*
Call me if you ever want to talk about it. Love ya.