you have to explain to your fluffball that he cannot collect multiple benefices for his multiple cathedras (chairs). (We refer to Finian as our “bishop”.)
you make the sign of the Cross on the “Mary mark” (the “M” tabbies have on their foreheads) on the forehead of your killer attack lemur and notice that it is corrupted with an Om sign along with the yin yang that appears on his side. You then attempt to explain to him that syncretism is not allowed at Casa K-M. (Cullen has a a few intricate designs on his head by virtue of being a tabby.)
you explain the yowling cats at 5 a.m. by saying “they’re singing Matins.”
you use the rings on a lemurpuss’ tail to count prayers.
you marry your spouse for their Greek Bible and Commentaries. (I did this, as did my Systematic Theology professor. Those things are expensive!!!)
your spouse is asked to do a funeral/wedding/supply preaching gig and you immediately think “groceries!”
you each have to have your own copies of the Lutheran Book of Worship because you don’t trust the other to give yours back if they borrow it.
you do LBW Morning Prayer so often that your cats have the sung parts memorized.
you know that the marking ribbons in your prayerbook make good cat toys.
you compliment your spouse on their form when they make the motion to bless people.
you discuss sermon ideas at 3 a.m. with your sleepy spouse when your sermon should already have been written. (Ahem JON…)
you show up to class with the last edition of the book your professor assigns with the pertinent passages highlighted and notes in the margin.
something from the Small Catechism or other parts of the Book of Concord come up in every discussion.
you can translate passages in archaic languages into English but cannot fold a map to save your life.
you discuss the pros and cons of the coffeehour at the churches where you supply preach. (Good coffee is a sacrament in the Lutheran Church.)
you have certain hymns memorized and they evoke memories of weddings/funerals/hymn sings in your family. (“Children of the Heavenly Father” is sung at every funeral in Jon’s family.)
you refer to “A Mighty Fortress is Our God” as the Lutheran fight song and can even sing both versions rhythmically correct.
you know how to sing “Amazing Grace” to the Mickey Mouse Club March. (It’s a Prairie Home Companion thing.)
you know which dishes to avoid at church suppers and how to tactfully explain to the maker of said dishes that their food will cause a severe allergic reaction/Crohn’s flare-up or violate your strict vegetarian diet. (This is how I avoid lutefisk. You know there’s a problem with the food when the EPA bans its preparation because the ingredients are toxic.)
you can tell how long the communion wine has been sitting in the bottle by a small taste.
you’ve ever gone to class drunk as a skunk from consuming the elements after the Wednesday Eucharist. (Like my classmates are going to let me live *this* down. Was it my fault that we had too much wine [see above] left over and it was the stuff from the bottom of the bottle?)
you can put a worship book together in under 3 minutes.
you speak a strange language in which acronyms like ELCA, LCMS, WELS, WOV, LBW, PLTS, TFBF, and WELCA have everyday meanings.
you have a roll of duct tape in every closet for the sole purpose of removing fur from your clericals. (I wish peach fur matched Jon’s clericals because Finian likes to sleep on them.)
you keep a spare tab in the glove compartment for emergency hospital calls.
it shocks you that your church choir is singing “Stand Up Stand Up for Jesus” *STANDING UP*!!! (One of the jokes about being Lutheran is that you always sing it *sitting down* because it’s usually a Communion hymn. We actually stood up to sing it during Communion today.)
you have to put a bumper sticker or something unique on your planner because everyone has the same desk planner in class/at cluster meetings. (Thrivent gives them out to all pastors and seminarians. They’re great because they print the lectionary for all the churches in there.)
your church conducts services in German/Danish/Swedish/Norwegian/Finnish/Slovak at least once a year.
you sing random parts of the liturgy while walking down the street.
