Last night, I was journalling and doing my study on Isaiah and at the end of the study, it was put on my heart that I have to forgive everyone involved with the church debacle. I’ve known I’ve had to do this for awhile but I’ve had too much anger and bitterness. I journalled for a good half hour on it in my paper journal, part of it being prayer about how I’m a broken person and I can’t do this on my own.
I will readily admit that I am a broken and sinful person and that I need God to be whole — what would be the point of the Cross if I could be whole on my own? I didn’t realize, however, how much anger and bitterness I was storing in my heart and praying about it, both in my journal and afterwards on my own, was humbling. It was like seeing the gaping chasms in my soul and realizing that the anger and bitterness were just making them larger. Praying and seeking forgiveness from God was a step toward filling those chasms in.
Forgiveness is going to be hard but it’s something I have to do. Pray for me. I have a rocky road ahead.