Is There Something Wrong With Me?

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of comments that are starting to make me a bit irritated. At church, we have several new babies and if I hold one (especially since I’m one of the few that can get him to sleep through church), the older women smile and say “that looks so natural” with the inference being that I should start having some of my own now that I’m married. I’ll also get people asking “so are you and Jon trying right now?” Then there are some of Jon’s family members who have remarked that we’ve been married longer than 9 months (it will be 2 years next week) and “where are the kids?” My response: “we’re waiting.”

Don’t get me wrong — I love kids and I do want them someday — just NOT NOW. Our lives are still not settled enough, I could be going back to school this fall or next, and we also don’t know that what I have isn’t Crohn’s disease (they’re not sure anymore) and if it is Crohn’s, having kids could endanger my life because it would cause a flare-up. It is just not a good time to consider having children and hearing from people that “I should let the Lord control my childbearing and fertility” is not exactly helping.

Is something wrong with me that I actually want to wait until things are more stable?

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About Jen

Jen isn't quite sure when she lost her mind, but it is probably documented here on Meditatio. She blogs because the world needs her snark at all hours of the night... and she probably can't sleep anyway.

9 thoughts on “Is There Something Wrong With Me?

  1. actually, I think you’re doing the right thing. it’s perfectly okay to want kids later. you and Jon are still young, and like you said, things are still so up in the air that it wouldn’t be the greatest idea to add a child to everything else going on!

    Mike’s mom has started hinting about grandkids and we’re not even married yet. arg.

  2. No, there’s something wrong with them. YOU are being responsible. They are trying to convince you to have children on a whim. This just confirms my suspicion that people used to have children just because that’s what you’re “supposed to do.” well…some people still do i guess.

    anyway, i hate those kinds of comments, and, having been married for nearly six years, i get them myself. argh.

  3. No! Nothing’s wrong with you for wanting to wait. I find myself in a similiar predicament from time to time. There are times when I know that I – we – are doing (or not doing) just what God has for us right now, but sometimes it feels good to be affirmed.
    By the way, I like the new look and sorry, no ideas for a new name. In fact, it was the name that partly attracted me to your site in the first place.

  4. Something’s wrong with nosey people who ask questions that are none of their business and say things before thinking about them fully.

  5. Nothing’s wrong with you, Jen. I keep getting similar comments, especially since I’m almost 28 and married for 4 years. So what? It’s my life and I want to have a baby one day because I will feel like I’m missing something important and not because other people think it’s “too long”!

  6. Nothing wrong with you at all, Jen. You’re being sensible, which means you’re likely to be a better parent when/if you *do* have kids.

    Hey, so if nosy people ask you if you and Jon are trying, you should say “Yeah, as a matter of fact. We tried twice last night, once in the shower, and then once this morning up in the organ loft.” See if that shuts them up.

  7. Well, I was going to say that there’s nothing wrong, but you have so many already. I guess that means I get to be the bad guy.

    I hate to break it to you, but you will never feel ready. You may think you are ready at some point, but as the due date gets closer, you will begin getting anxious. Our daughter will be born in July, and I know our life isn’t in order. However, our God is in control.

    During Kristen’s pregnancy I’ve started thinking a lot on Mary. I can’t imagine someone as young as she is said to have been, unmarried, and carrying a child. True, it was God in her womb, so maybe the morning sickness wasn’t that bad. Our lives will never be calm and ready, but as long as Christ reigns, we have hope.

    Please take my comments in the context of what has already been said.

  8. Mike, I am taking your remarks in context and I don’t think you’re the bad guy at all. I actually really appreciate you taking the other side on this because I think all viewpoints need to be represented.

    The reason it’s really getting on my nerves is that I’m asked the question every week and I’m not really all that enthusiastic about having to explain why Jon and I have chosen to wait. It’s almost impossible to explain what Crohn’s Disease is in a way that doesn’t freak people out and when people find out I might have it, they start treating me with kid gloves. Added on, I’m feeling more and more called to go back to school and finish up, which would make having a baby a whole lot more complicated. Jon and I have talked about it and have agreed that we’re not thinking about having kids until I finish because it would be easier for me to have a baby while working in the parish than it would be while I was still in school.

    If nothing else, we’ve prayed about having kids and the answer we’ve gotten has been “not now”.

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