I Think We’re Missing Something Here…

Last week was the 40th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision Roe v. Wade and I saw a number of blogs mentioning and quoting from the following Salon.Com article that I’ve printed in its entirety.

Of all the diabolically clever moves the anti-choice lobby has ever pulled, surely one of the greatest has been its consistent co-opting of the word ??life.?? Life! Who wants to argue with that? Who wants be on the side of ?? not-life? That??s why the language of those who support abortion has for so long been carefully couched in other terms. While opponents of abortion eagerly describe themselves as ??pro-life,?? the rest of us have had to scramble around with not nearly as big-ticket words like ??choice?? and ??reproductive freedom.?? The ??life?? conversation is often too thorny to even broach. Yet I know that throughout my own pregnancies, I never wavered for a moment in the belief that I was carrying a human life inside of me. I believe that??s what a fetus is: a human life. And that doesn??t make me one iota less solidly pro-choice.

As Roe v. Wade enters its fifth decade, we find ourselves at one of the most schizo moments in our national relationship with reproductive choice. In the past year we??ve endured the highest number of abortion restrictions ever. Yet support for abortion rights is at an all-time high, with seven in 10 Americans in favor of letting Roe v. Wade stand, allowing for reproductive choice in all or ??most?? cases. That??s a stunning 10 percent increase from just a decade ago. And in the midst of this unique moment, Planned Parenthood has taken the bold step of reframing the vernacular ?? moving away from the easy and easily divisive words ??life?? and ??choice.?? Instead, as a new promotional film acknowledges, ??It??s not a black and white issue.??

It??s a move whose time is long overdue. It??s important, because when we don??t look at the complexities of reproduction, we give far too much semantic power to those who??d try to control it. And we play into the sneaky, dirty tricks of the anti-choice lobby when we on the pro-choice side squirm so uncomfortably at the ways in which they??ve repeatedly appropriated the concept of ??life.??

Here??s the complicated reality in which we live: All life is not equal. That??s a difficult thing for liberals like me to talk about, lest we wind up looking like death-panel-loving, kill-your-grandma-and-your-precious-baby storm troopers. Yet a fetus can be a human life without having the same rights as the woman in whose body it resides. She??s the boss. Her life and what is right for her circumstances and her health should automatically trump the rights of the non-autonomous entity inside of her. Always.

When we on the pro-choice side get cagey around the life question, it makes us illogically contradictory. I have friends who have referred to their abortions in terms of ??scraping out a bunch of cells?? and then a few years later were exultant over the pregnancies that they unhesitatingly described in terms of ??the baby?? and ??this kid.?? I know women who have been relieved at their abortions and grieved over their miscarriages. Why can??t we agree that how they felt about their pregnancies was vastly different, but that it??s pretty silly to pretend that what was growing inside of them wasn??t the same? Fetuses aren??t selective like that. They don??t qualify as human life only if they??re intended to be born.

When we try to act like a pregnancy doesn??t involve human life, we wind up drawing stupid semantic lines in the sand: first trimester abortion vs. second trimester vs. late term, dancing around the issue trying to decide if there??s a single magic moment when a fetus becomes a person. Are you human only when you??re born? Only when you??re viable outside of the womb? Are you less of a human life when you look like a tadpole than when you can suck on your thumb?

We??re so intimidated by the wingnuts, we get spooked out of having these conversations. We let the archconservatives browbeat us with the concept of ??life,?? using their scare tactics on women and pushing for indefensible violations like forced ultrasounds. Why? Because when they wave the not-even-accurate notion that ??abortion stops a beating heart?? they think they??re going to trick us into some damning admission. They believe that if we call a fetus a life they can go down the road of making abortion murder. And I think that??s what concerns the hell out of those of us who support unrestricted reproductive freedom.

But we make choices about life all the time in our country. We make them about men and women in other nations. We make them about prisoners in our penal system. We make them about patients with terminal illnesses and accident victims. We still have passionate debates about the justifications of our actions as a society, but we don??t have to do it while being bullied around by the vague idea that if you say we??re talking about human life, then the jig is up, rights-wise.

It seems absurd to suggest that the only thing that makes us fully human is the short ride out of some lady??s vagina. That distinction may apply neatly legally, but philosophically, surely we can do better. Instead, we let right-wingers perpetuate the sentimental fiction that no one with a heart ?? and certainly no one who??s experienced the wondrous miracle of family life ?? can possibly resist tiny fingers and tiny toes growing inside a woman??s body. We give a platform to the notion that, as Christina Locke opined in a recent New York Times Op-Ed, ??motherhood had slyly changed us. We went from basking in the rights that feminism had afforded us to silently pledging never to exercise them. Nice mommies don??t talk about abortion.??

Don??t they? The majority of women who have abortions ?? and one in three American women will ?? are already mothers. And I can say anecdotally that I??m a mom who loved the lives she incubated from the moment she peed on those sticks, and is also now well over 40 and in an experimental drug trial. If by some random fluke I learned today I was pregnant, you bet your ass I??d have an abortion. I??d have the World??s Greatest Abortion.

My belief that life begins at conception is mine to cling to. And if you believe that it begins at birth, or somewhere around the second trimester, or when the kid finally goes to college, that??s a conversation we can have, one that I hope would be respectful and empathetic and fearless. We can??t have it if those of us who believe that human life exists in utero are afraid we??re somehow going to flub it for the cause. In an Op-Ed on ??Why I??m Pro-Choice?? in the Michigan Daily this week, Emma Maniere stated, quite perfectly, that ??Some argue that abortion takes lives, but I know that abortion saves lives, too.?? She understands that it saves lives not just in the most medically literal way, but in the roads that women who have choice then get to go down, in the possibilities for them and for their families. And I would put the life of a mother over the life of a fetus every single time ?? even if I still need to acknowledge my conviction that the fetus is indeed a life. A life worth sacrificing.

I’m not going to deny that it chafes me that she speaks callously about the fact that she’s fully aware that life begins at conception and that it hasn’t changed the fact that she’s pro-choice. I’m not going to deny that she speaks derisively of pro-life people like me.

However…

I’m seeing things that were missed in the rush to mine the piece for sound bytes. For one thing, she’s asking her fellow pro-choice people to admit that they’re dancing around the question of what makes someone “alive” and that we need to all be on the same page. This is, at least to me, a positive step because we can’t have meaningful dialogue if one person just believes it’s a mass of cells and another person believes it’s a baby.

She also fails to mention why she would get an abortion if she got pregnant during the drug trial. Does it have something to do with the tetragenic effects of the drug? Would becoming pregnant prevent the drug from being effective? I know that these questions ultimately don’t matter to most people but I’m one of those special people who has actually been in the situation where prolonging the pregnancy put my life in danger. The only difference is that it happened to me at a point in my pregnancy where they could sustain Daniel outside the womb.

The author talks about Planned Parenthood’s current campaign being that “it isn’t a black and white issue”. I think that’s probably the most accurate statement I’ve heard. Don’t get me wrong — you do have the people who have an abortion because the baby is an inconvenience; but you also have the people who are doing it because they’ve been kicked out of the house, they don’t know that they have any other options, or because they’re terrified. Most of them regret their decision and have to live with the consequences for the rest of their lives. These last reasons are why we need to better fund our crisis pregnancy centers — let’s give the women some other options.

Don’t get me wrong — parts of the article disgust me but I think we need to look at the article in terms of the audience to whom it is directed: pro-choice people. If we read it in that light, the author is actually making some pro-life arguments.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: January 27, 2013

Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY January 27, 2013

Outside my window… dark now but temperate today — maybe high 50’s or low 60’s?

I am thinking… about the calls I need to make tomorrow morning.

I am thankful… Daniel is home.

In the kitchen… dishes to do.

I am wearing… blue shirt and light blue striped pajama bottoms.

I am creating… afghan squares and blog entries.

I am going… to hope Daniel’s pediatrician hasn’t left UC Davis and we can get in with them next week.

I am wondering… about too many things tonight.

I am reading… Bliss by Kathryn Littlewood. It was a freebie on Friday and looked interesting. I also just finished re-reading The Buzzard Table by Margaret Maron and am of the opinion that I’ll be starting to stock my NOOK with her works because she’s so brilliant.

I am hoping… Daniel can go back to school on Tuesday.

I am looking forward to… Morning Prayer on Tuesday and my massage on Friday.

I am learning that self-care is important.

Around the house… vacuuming to do. Gah.

I am pondering… the Salon.Com article that all my pro-life friends were quoting this week. Having read it, I’m not quite sure where my heart and mind are with regard to it. On the one hand, the author *did* make those statements. On the other hand, I think a number of people missed the point.

A favorite quote for today… ??Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.?? — C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite things… Coca-Cola. It is sooooo bad for me but I love it.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Morning Prayer on Tuesday, WIC on Tuesday afternoon, work on editing Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, massage on friday afternoon.

A peek into my day… I finally got my giveaway items staged for my day on Forty to Forever. It’s a coffee cup from Peet’s, a pound of their Fair Trade blend, some Pepperidge Farm Lexington cookies, and a copy of Kisses from Katie.

Giveaway for Forty to Forever.

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

Positives of This Last Week

If you haven’t read my blog lately, you probably didn’t know that Daniel was in the hospital from Monday afternoon to Friday afternoon with a 7 hour ER visit on Sunday. In order to clean out my brain and try not to have this be hugely traumatic, I’m going to list the positives from this week.

[+] The ER staff: Our resident was wonderful and the ER doc on Sunday was one that we had before. Considering that they were slammed, they were good at listening when I had questions or was flipping out. Even though one of the triage nurses on Monday was a wench, the other one listened to me, took a rectal temp (which showed the fever), and got us back there quickly.

[+] Radiology: They were super patient with Daniel, pleasant with me, and didn’t act like it was a complete imposition to work with him. (I’m used to really bad radiology people from the hospital near where I grew up.)

[+] The PICU staff: they were wonderful as always. I wasn’t amused with the doctor on Tuesday morning at midnight who had no bedside manner skills for dealing with parents but the nurses were fabulous and the doctor on call for the week listened to me and let me ask questions in rounds. Our residents were gentle with him and more than happy to answer our questions. The nursing staff was freaking awesome. Our day and night nurses actually cared about how I was doing as well as Daniel and let me help with cares as much as I was comfortable. (Seriously, they let me help with putting in IV’s by being present with Daniel and talking to him while they poked him.) Some of them remembered us from two years ago which is both good and bad (mostly good). I think the best scene was his day nurse stroking his head and talking to him while he looked up at her with love.

[+] The respiratory therapists: They continue to be the most awesome people ever. I had two that I knew from the last time and the one working with us during the Tuesday midnight insanity was the best of the best, partially because he has an autistic kid and got Daniel used to the mask and calmed down while we were waiting for the Versed to kick in. The rest of them were patient with him and very gentle. Because of the way they worked with him, I can get him to do breathing treatments without a problem.

[+] The peds floor staff: They were swamped this week so there were some grumpy moments on my part. The best thing ever was that our favorite nurse in the world was assigned to him on Friday and she loved him up. I made sure he blew lots of kisses at her. She told me that she had signed up to be his primary nurse two years ago if he ever ended up in the hospital again and this makes me feel so much better knowing that we’re going to get her if she’s working. Two years ago, she’d take him and put him in her lap if she had charting to do. This time, she did everything she could to get us discharged and to get Daniel allowed to be out of his isolation zone.

[+]The residents and doctors: The attending on the floor was one that I knew from two years ago and she was happy to see Daniel looking good and to see how much she had grown. I have no complaints about the residents — they were great about answering questions and involving me in the decision-making.

It was a good week in many ways but a tiring one for me. I spent most of Saturday sleeping and will be asleep once this posts and my house panther removes her claws from me. I missed her a lot and asked Jon to bring her to me daily. Unfortunately, I didn’t get my wish on that.

7 Quick Takes: Bible Students Say, March for Life, and Hospital Adventures

7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

March for Life. You’re probably not going to see it featured anywhere on the evening news apparently (I honestly haven’t paid attention because I’ve had other things going on this week like a kid in the hospital) but it’s taking place tomorrow in DC and smaller ones in cities across the nation. Online, there are various bloggers and others who are going dark and using their social media time to pray instead for an end to abortion. #godark4life UPDATE: NBC actually mentioned it and showed footage. I know some of my pro-life friends were shocked by this because it’s kind of hard to ignore 500K people in DC but most networks pretend it didn’t happen.

— 2 —

Really? I saw this on a friend’s Facebook: Do Your Kids Respect You? 9 Ways to Change Their Attitude. I seriously *weep* for my generation if any of these things are surprising parenting techniques. They’re from Janet Lehman who appears on TV pushing her “Total Transformation” program for modifying your child’s behavior, also known as “setting limits and boundaries for your child and other things that should be common sense”.

— 3 —

Update on Daniel. We got a positive diagnosis of RSV yesterday. On one hand, at least we know what it is. On the other hand, he’s down on the regular peds floor so he’s confined to his crib and his half of the room. This is irritating because he would like to go do laps around the peds floor thankyouverymuch. (It’s a gigantic square.) God willing, we’ll be discharged tomorrow and he’ll be back in school on Monday or Tuesday.

— 4 —

The BEST Twitter EVER!!!! Rachel Held Evans introduced me to the awesomeness that is Bible Students Say… in which a Bible professor at an unnamed Christian college shares some of the more *interesting* things his students say in papers. It’s hysterically funny to me as someone with postgrad study in Bible and theology and the user pic of Jesus face-palming is totally fitting.

— 5 —

What freedom looks like. I don’t remember who shared it but this is a Buzzfeed article on what happens when you leave Westboro Baptist Church. Answer: amazing things. Libby Phelps is forbidden to contact her family (probably that whole “shunning” thing) but she has gotten to cut her hair for the first time in 25 years, attend the inauguration, travel, make real friends, and get married.

— 6 —

Kaia. You see this beautiful girl?

Miss Kaia

She needs a mama. Go here to see her profile and please share it with family and friends. Please also consider committing to pray for her.

— 7 —

Brett. This adorable little boy needs a mama.

Brett's profile

Do you know who could be his mama? His profile is here. Go love on him.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

Blogging for Life, Take Two

OK… Daniel is doing better and I’m awake enough to see straight now.

It’s the 40th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision Roe v. Wade today and I have friends who have published posts on their blogs condemning the decision and talking about the 55 million babies killed since the legalization of abortion. I could probably do the same except that a.) I’m doubting the veracity of the number 55 million (it was 40 million 5 years ago and I don’t think things have been stepped up THAT much) and b.) I’d like to focus on some alternatives instead.

One of my (many) tangents is that those who want to put Planned Parenthood out of business need to fund their neighborhood crisis pregnancy center. Unfortunately, not every baby is wanted or comes at an opportune moment and these organizations can usually help in both situations.

Ramah International – California
Lifecall – California

Blogging for Life

Daniel is in the PICU at UCD Medical Center. (Updates can be found here.) I’d love to blog about the fresh hell that was last night in having to help hold him down for IV pokes and all but I’m massively sleep-deprived so pretend that there’s a lovely entry here and I’ll write it when the walls stop looking like they’re spinning.