My Ofoto Email

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Those of you who have seen my photo albums know that the address I use for it is different than my domain email. Part of it is that I get a lot of Ofoto spam stuff; but the other reason is that my domain email account with them got used by other people, and when I logged in a few weeks ago, I found some photo albums that I had never viewed and that really scared me. I deleted all of them and then changed the email and password on that account so that whoever went in and played with my Ofoto stuff can’t get in again. The really strange thing: the photo albums were of some person who went to high school with me. I’ve pretty much divorced myself from the people with whom I went to high school (Eric and Abra being the exceptions), so I’m wondering who got into my account.

Hope without Optimism

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Richard used my title phrase in one of his blog entries. I feel like it describes my day (and life) to a T.

This morning, I went to Columbus with Jon for his last psych appointment. While Jon was meeting with his therapist, I got maps to OSU Hospitals (the main ones) and did some surfing. Afterwards, we went to the sem so I could drop off my application for Seminary Sampler while Jon returned a library book. We ran into lots of people there and as great as it was to see them, it reminded me of what I gave up this year. Yes… it’s true. I feel jealous of my classmates who are slaving to get exegeticals in three languages done and who are freaking out about finals. Yes… I feel jealous of classmates who are up to their ears in Ethics reading and who are wondering how they are going to get their Church History II papers written because their confirmation kids have a retreat this weekend.

After grabbing lunch at Chipotle and Grinders, we headed to OSU Hospitals and I chilled in the lobby of Dodd Hall while Jon did his hospital visit with a patient. The hospitals are actually a set of buildings with a shuttle that goes between all of them. It’s a major medical center and we saw Lifeline helicopters everywhere in the sky.

We return to Newark and deposit Jon’s paycheck and found out that we probably have $20 in the account before the check goes through tomorrow. When I got home, I found out that it’s actually more like $3 and my evil health insurance company hasn’t reimbursed us yet ($127). So much for grocery shopping today! I promptly lose my cool because I am feeling useless and lazy and like I am contributing nothing to the household. (Yes, I am actively looking for work. I’ve put out 5 resumés in two days. The three I sent out today are clerical/receptionist positions. My temp agency person thinks she has me a lead on a job, but the client only wants to pay $6.50/hr for 15 hours of work. Unfortunately, that wage isn’t enough to really help out with bills, especially once the temp agency gets their cut.)

Jon reminds me of the library position in Granville, so I make myself look like I haven’t been bawling my eyes out and we drive to Granville, which is where I’d want to live if I had my choice. (Think of a New England village or the town of Mitford in the Jan Karon books. That’s Granville in a nutshell.) I fill out a library application and find out that the library position starts in 2 months. It’s something at least, so I fill out the app. (I’ll only be there for four months at that point, but I can figure out how to break it to them later.) We stop by the Lutheran church to say “hi” to the pastor and end up talking with him for four hours. It’s great and makes me forget that my life sucks.

*****

I seriously prayed today when I got home (right after I discovered my single digit bank balance) and thought that today’s ODB devotional might cheer me up. Ummm… didn’t quite happen. It was about how many of us believe in the facts but many people haven’t addressed the question of whether we believe in Christ enough to trust Him with our lives. My answer is “Yes Lord. I do trust you with my life. However… I am scared spitless right now.” I do trust the Lord with my life but it’s hard when I’m scared about my bills (which I *have* lifted up to Him) and about making ends meet next month. My mother-in-law has reminded me that after this year, I will be a better pastor because I will be able to look my congregation members in the eye and tell them to be of good cheer and that there are things like foodbanks and unemployment to help them deal with being laid off from the factory or when the harvest is bad. She is right (of course) but it’s hard to hear that right now. I am having problems praying and it has nothing to do with not believing in Jesus. It has to do with the fact that I am bored and depressed and frequently cannot motivate myself to do my “quiet time”. (My disdain for the cookie cutter “quiet times” will be addressed later.)

Lord, I believe in You. Help my lack of trust.

Bored to the Point of Procrastination

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I’ve realized that my prcrastination of all things is related to the fact that I am simply bored out of my skull. I have nothing to do but get these things (compiling my resumé, responding to letters and emails, cleaning my study) and pretty much the only thing I’m living for (besides God) is seeing my family in Washington in a month and a half. Yep… Jen needs a job. If I was working, I’d have less time to do stuff like redesign my website and the time I’d have would be more precious.

It probably also doesn’t help that Jon is at the church right now for a Council meeting and he has the disk with all my resumé files that I am too lazy to download off of Monster.Com.

Maybe the aftermath of “Joe Millionare” (which I’m watching only because I saw the final choice last week) will have some benefits.

My So-Called Job Hunt

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Ohio has ruled me ineligible to collect unemployment (for reasons which I can’t understand), so my job hunt is intensifying. My ex-store manager at Drug Emporium offered to interview me in a month if I haven’t found work, but I really don’t want to go back there. The store was badly managed and I really hated going into work. I’m trying to avoid retail (since I have decided NO FAST FOOD) because very few stores really treat their employees well around here. Drug Emporium was *always* getting applications and I have no doubt that they replaced me with someone who would work Sunday mornings and who would take crap from the head cashier.

Jon is going into Columbus tomorrow and I need to give him my resumé and cover letter to take to the sem to be a counselor for Seminary Sampler this summer. I didn’t apply immediately because I wanted to make sure that I was doing it for the experience of working with youth and showing them about the diversity of ministry instead of for the $3000 stipend. Now, I’m having problems motivating myself to get the resumé done and I think part of it is that I’m nervous about applying. I don’t have as much youth experience as a lot of people have and I blew my chance for any youth experience at St. Paul’s by getting sick and not going to Festival of Faith this weekend. Some of the people applying undoubtedly have years more than me and since I wasn’t at the sem last year, I don’t know how that is going to affect my chances. I am signed on with a temp agency and could just do temp work until June, but I’d really like the job because I think that this program is really wonderful and I wish I’d had it when I was in high school.

My brother pointed out that I chose a good time to get this sick — I don’t think I would have been able to deal with my cyst if I was still working at Drug Emporium.