Monthly Archives: May 2005

Plastic Fantastic Cat Cave

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I’ve been keeping the tsunami afghan (so named because a portion of what I sold it for is going to help tsunami victims) in a plastic blanket bag to keep the cat fur off it. I got the check from the buyer last week and I was prepping the box to ship it today. I had taken the blanket out of the bag, put it in the box, put another box on top to keep a certain unnamed black cat (who we’ll call “EDDA”) from sleeping on it and accidentally getting shipped to Tennessee, and was in my study working on the inserts and packing label when I heard Jon come in and bust up laughing. I walked out and saw that the plastic blanket bag was now a cat cave and my little Viking goddess (who we’ll call “FREYA”) was in it surveying her domain from her new cave.

Space Cat!
An aerial view

Forgiveness

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Last night, I was journalling and doing my study on Isaiah and at the end of the study, it was put on my heart that I have to forgive everyone involved with the church debacle. I’ve known I’ve had to do this for awhile but I’ve had too much anger and bitterness. I journalled for a good half hour on it in my paper journal, part of it being prayer about how I’m a broken person and I can’t do this on my own.

I will readily admit that I am a broken and sinful person and that I need God to be whole — what would be the point of the Cross if I could be whole on my own? I didn’t realize, however, how much anger and bitterness I was storing in my heart and praying about it, both in my journal and afterwards on my own, was humbling. It was like seeing the gaping chasms in my soul and realizing that the anger and bitterness were just making them larger. Praying and seeking forgiveness from God was a step toward filling those chasms in.

Forgiveness is going to be hard but it’s something I have to do. Pray for me. I have a rocky road ahead.

Getting Up On Sunday Mornings

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Rick has a really good audio post on his musings this morning while driving to church. Go listen to it!

What I liked about it is that he admits that he did not want to get up and go to church because he woke up feeling icky. He goes in to talk about how he wants to go to church more than he wants to be lazy. I so agree when he says…

I would rather be with God’s people on God’s day and give God more than my whining.

I’ve had a really rough couple months and I went to the BIG LUTHERAN CHURCH IN TOWN this morning because it was getting to the point where I was having to take massive doses of anxiety meds to deal with worship on Sunday due to my hurt and anger. I had taken some Seroquel last night to calm my nerves and it meant that I was really sleepy this morning but I got up anyway, showered, tossed down cereal and milk, got dressed, and trudged through the snow flurries (!!!!!!!) to church this morning. I really pushed myself to get up and do church and it was worth it. The sermon spoke to me (mostly because it was preached differently than Jon preaches) and the music was wonderful. I got to sing harmony on Love Divine All Love’s Excelling and it was set to correct tune, which made me even happier.

I think it’s good that I’m taking May off from Jon’s churches — I need some perspective right now and I feel like I’m getting it.