7 Quick Takes Friday — Rules from Your Pastor’s Wife

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7 Quick Takes

This is my first week of doing the 7 Quick Takes and I guess my topic will be rules from your friendly neighborhood pastor’s wife/khouria/preoteasa/rebbetzin. (Let’s assume for this exercise that the clergy spouse is female, OK?) Keep in mind that this is written a bit tongue-in-cheek.

01.) Thou shalt remember that you called the pastor, not the pastor’s wife. Our husbands are the ones with the call to ministry — not us. We’re the bonus you get. Our primary role is to support our pastor husbands and if we have any energy left over (which isn’t much at the moment in my case), we’ll plug ourselves into the church.

02.) Thou shalt not use us as our husband’s answering service. If you have something to tell Pastor Husband, you need to tell HIM. Telling me is a bad idea — I have a bad short-term memory and it just looks silly to have me standing outside the sanctuary with a notebook so you can write down messages for the pastor.

03.) Thou shalt respect the pastor’s day off. Pastor Husband works on Sunday so he gets a day off during the week — it’s in the Letter of Call. This day is to be used to be with family, take care of errands, make appointments, and have a life. The pastor *WILL* respond to genuine pastoral emergencies which are the following: death, hospitalization, and fire. If none of those apply, wait until the next day.

04.) Thou shalt pray for the pastor’s family that they have the patience and that which they need to best live up to the expectations of parishioners. We live in a fishbowl. Our lives are on public display whether we like it or not and regardless of whether the parish is respectful of our boundaries. We’re human and we can ALWAYS use prayers, especially to deal with our human condition and find ways to overcome it and be the saints that people expect us to be.

05.) Thou shalt not drop by the parsonage unannounced. The parsonage is our home. It is not an extension of the church — it is the place where we are entitled to our privacy. If you want to have coffee with me, call me and ask. The answer might be “yes” if the wee bairn is having a good day. The answer might be “no” if the wee bairn is asleep and the pastor’s wife is dealing with a nasty fibromyalgia flare-up. Bottom line: call first. It’s the polite thing to do.

06.) Thou shalt not badmouth other people to the pastor’s wife. Pastor Husband doesn’t tell me what he hears in counselling sessions and I prefer it that way. Thus, I don’t know who in the parish is an alcoholic and who in the parish is going through a messy divorce. I prefer this and I would rather not have people tell me these things out-of-turn because it’s none of my business. It also creates the problem of someone trashing people so often that the one time they have something valid, it gets ignored because it’s regarded as just another useless piece of gossip.

07.) Thou shalt love thy pastor’s wife and their family. Seriously, it makes it easier on all of us if you love us and make us feel welcome. It’s hard to get a baby fed and clothed in addition to making myself look like I haven’t just rolled out of bed. Please make my efforts to make it to church worthwhile. It means I’ll make a more concerted effort to be there and I’ll be in a better mood.

Letter to Daniel

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Dear Daniel,

Wow! You’re 2. Where did the last two years go? I intended to write you a letter on your first birthday and it didn’t happen so please count this as a two-fer.

It seems like another lifetime that I was dealing with this baby:

Daniel at 2 days old.

You were a surprise to all of us — nobody could have predicted that you would be a Holy Week baby instead of a Father’s Day baby. Your birth was definitely NOT how anyone would have wanted or predicted but you did make a fairly decent entrance.

In the two months that followed, you proved to be a force to be reckoned with. You didn’t have ANY brain bleeds, you got off your ventilator after about 3 weeks, and turned into a little cuddle bug.

Jen holding Daniel.

You came home after only two months and proceeded to worm your way into things. The cats were not impressed by your arrival (and still aren’t truly impressed by you though they know that you can crawl about as fast as they can run and that they really shouldn’t leave their tails dangling down) but they dealt.

A year ago, we had just moved to Pomona.

Daniel at 1.

Mommy and Daniel

Your grandma had a neighbor make you a cake and we all put frosting on our noses for a picture with it.

Over this past year, you’ve done all the things that you were supposed to do in your first year. You learned to sit up. You learned to crawl. You learned how to pet kitties (with help from your mizzle). You won the hearts of your physical and occupational therapists and all your grandparents’ neighbors.

At the beginning of last month, we almost lost you and I’m still recovering from the fear and pain of that. You are my little bear, my miracle, and my sunshine in the morning (even after waking us up multiple times in the night). I love you so much and the night they almost put you on ECMO was arguably one of the worst of my life. You hung on though and pulled through it, entwining yourself into the hearts of the PICU and Peds units at UC Davis Medical Center.

In the next month, I’m expecting you to mesh things together and start walking. This will greatly complicate my life as you’ll be fast but… it also means that my back will get a break as you’ll be able to to move on your own.

Jen and Daniel

You are my blue-eyed little bear and I adore you. I look forward to another year with you.

Love,

Mommy.

The Simple Woman’s Daybook: April 4, 2011

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Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY April 4, 2011

Outside my window… beautiful and sunny. Spring is here.

I am thinking… about Daniel’s SSI hearing… down in Pomona. (Guess who forgot to tell them that they moved? Yeah… March kind of got away from me.)

I am thankful for… Daniel turning 2 (story below), my seeds that were started this weekend, and black cats that consent to be petted by toddlers.

From the kitchen… nothing “homemade” but a whole lot from Trader Joe’s.

I am wearing… a blue t-shirt and running shorts. It’s cold in the parsonage so I’ll be putting sweats on imminently.

I am creating… this entry and a baby blanket if I can manage to stick to my Lenten discipline. (Not doing well thus far.)

I am going… to Walgreens in a bit, bloodwork for Daniel tomorrow, Daniel’s 2 year old Well-Child appointment on Wednesday (his 2nd birthday is actually Thursday), and Metanoia’s Ladies Night Out tomorrow at a local restaurant here in Gold Country.

I am reading… The Diva Cooks A Goose by Krista Davis. A nice fluffy murder mystery.

I am hoping… Daniel will go down for a nap or something. (I took a break from this and put him down in his crib with his bottle.)

I am hearing… Daniel babbling and “A Clamor & A Whisper” by Anberlin.

Around the house… there’s cleaning to do… around Daniel’s taking apart of the kitchen and anything else he can find.

One of my favorite things… Daniel’s smile when he sees me.

A few plans for the rest of the week: See “I am going” and add in Daniel turning 2 on Thursday and Midweek Lenten Soup Supper on Wednesday.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing… Daniel 2 years ago. Yes, that’s my nasty-looking hand next to him. (My skin was cracking from being so dry and I also had a few IV pokes in there as well.) For those who don’t know the story, they had to do an emergency c-section at 29 weeks because I developed HELLP Syndrome which is a nasty variant of pre-eclampsia. This was taken on April 8, 2009 (his second day of life) and at this stage, the only contact I could have was “finger-holding” because he was on a ventilator and all those wires and such. He knew my voice and his little hands would squeeze my fingers. It was really amazing at the time and seeing this picture reminds me of how amazing it is that he’s turning two this week.

Wanting to put my money where my mouth is, I’m taking part in the Promise Walk for Pre-eclampsia on May 7th. Click the image on my sidebar if you want to sponsor me.

Daniel two years ago.

Hosted by The Simple Woman’s Daybook

Flattened (XV)

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Daniel has been home for two weeks and is doing great. I’m still fighting exhaustion though so we’re still “flattened”.

[+] We had to hit up UCD Medical Center on Thursday For Daniel’s Lovenox. We ran into his speech therapist on the way back out and she was very impressed with how he looked. I was asked by a couple people if we’d gone up to the PICU or the Peds Unit and the answer is “no”. For one thing, I don’t know that we would have been welcome on the PICU because of the infection risk and all that. For another thing, we’re going to send pictures of Daniel at his second birthday party with a thank-you note.

[+] I’ve witnessed a fair amount of cattiness between atheists and Catholics over Jennifer Fulwiler’s guide to atheists for Catholics. Atheist blogger PZ Myers (who is quite anti-Catholic) took her on and managed to make himself look like a complete jerk (as did the majority of his commenters). Jennifer asked her readers if she should have responded and the majority of us said “no” though there was some fisking of PZ Myers in the process. One person who did emerge from all of this (at least in my reading) is Leah at Unequally-Yoked who I’m finding to be pretty amazing (the girl is a Yale student so she’s obviously wicked smart). She actually wrote an impressive guide to Catholics for atheists (which could actually apply to Lutherans and Episcopalians) and does a really fantastic job of engaging Catholicism (and Christianity) in a respectful way. Her blog started as a way to argue faith with her Catholic boyfriend (she is an atheist) and she actually participates in the weekly 7 Quick Takes (a largely Catholic meme). Anyway, go check her out.

[+] All the reading of atheist blogs and the wiki article on Anberlin I read recently (the chorus of “A Whisper & A Clamor” was stuck in my head for three months) made me want to affirm something: this is not a Christian blog. I am a blogger who happens to be Christian. I do talk about faith issues on here inasmuch as they’re affecting my daily life though less so over the last year due to the lack of Internet access from March 2010 to February 2011. I’m not really in a complacent place with my faith — just not vocalizing a lot of what I’m dealing with internally. I also really have no interest in fighting with people about whether or not God exists and whether or not Christianity is a pack of lies. There’s a point at which people cannot be convinced without something very drastic happening and until that happens for people like PZ Myers or Jen McCreight (who I do read on a daily basis), I think there will continue to be people who want to have fights over this stuff.

[+] I started some seeds yesterday. I planted pumpkins, sunflowers, tomatoes, basil, cat grass, oregano, lavender, spinach, and cucumbers. I’m hoping they do germinate and I have seedlings in the next week or so.

[+] I made it to church today. Go me. (Actually, the deciding factor was that I needed a parishioner to look at the knot on Daniel’s leg. She’s a nurse and her daughter is diabetic so I figured she’d know something about it.)

Idiocy Breeds Violence

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CNN.Com: 12 killed in Afghanistan amid protests over reported Quran burning

Most news outlets in the U.S. downplayed the burning so as not to give that idiot pastor in Florida any more publicity. However, Pastor Jones’ actions caused protests in the Muslim world and twelve people were killed in Afghanistan because of his bigoted actions.

Guess what, moron? YOU JUST PROVED THEIR ASSERTION THAT AMERICANS HATE MUSLIMS. Granted, people used the burning as an excuse to be violent (and thus proved Pastor Jones’ point) but the idiot gave them the ammo to do it.

This man makes me ashamed to be Christian. I wish I could tell Muslims across the world that WE’RE NOT ALL BIGOTS LIKE HIM!!!!!

On the other hand, security costs for his 60-member church are so high that he had to put his church building up on Craigslist. (Heard via Nightline)

Flattened (XIV)

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Daniel has been home for almost two weeks but I’m still… flattened.

[+] I met with the case worker for Medi-Cal today and she was great — she treated me like a person and we did everything we could to get the case closed with what I had on me today. Unfortunately, she does need some more documentation. Drats!

[+] I’ve had a definite “pain day” today. Fibro really sucks. There’s no two ways about it.

[+] People have been telling me how wonderful I am and how amazing I handled the situation with Daniel. Thing is… other than two people from Metanoia, I don’t think anyone knows about the tears I shed, the helpless feelings, the angst, and anything else I went through. Our organist had no idea that I didn’t go home at night — she thought I commuted every day. I couldn’t commute with Daniel at this age — I honestly didn’t feel like I could leave him and I don’t think there’s a person out there who would fault me for that. Granted, I did leave the hospital to go out to dinner three times and to go to Michael’s once as well as showers every 3-4 days. (If it tells you guys how intense things were, showering was not a priority.)

There’s a video that fits my life…