Category Archives: Occupying Lent

Learning to Trust

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The lovely and irreverent Kate of ImperfectKate posted on perspective today and I think she has a point so I’m using her post as a jumping-off point. There is some language (it wouldn’t be Kate if there wasn’t) but it’s worth reading. Go read it. Do it now. I’ll wait here.

*crickets chirping*

Now that you’re back, I’ll answer that the way my perspective is shifted and my focus realigned is to have the rug pulled out from under me. For example, I was in the candidacy process for ministry in the ELCA in 2003… and was rejected. Hindsight being 20/20, me doing seminary would have destroyed my marriage. We always ended up far enough away from a seminary that I’d have to reside on campus during the week and that would not be a way to have a marriage, especially a new one. In addition to destroying my marriage, it would have put me in a precarious position because my current Lutheran denomination doesn’t permit the ordination of women and in order for Jon to take a call with them, I would have to leave the ministry.

Another example of shifting perspective/realigning focus is Daniel. Every time I think I’ve got the parenting thing down, he pulls a game changing move which throws things into flux. He was born prematurely, he was hospitalized for 3 weeks last March with an unknown respiratory virus, he had another hospital stay at Thanksgiving, and he was diagnosed with autism in January. The autism diagnosis threw an already precarious situation (developmental delays) into even more flux and I find that I’m parenting by the seat of my pants. I’ve been forced to lean on my church ladies which is hard because while the ladies at Metanoia are seriously awesome, I’ve had people in my life screw me over and it’s a lesson in learning to trust.

Learning to trust God is probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life. I’m a convert to Christianity and I’ve now hit the point where I’ve been part of the faith longer than I haven’t if that makes any sense. (It’s been 17 years which means it’s been over half my life.) I may have been Christian for a long time but I still have the convert mentality that I have to have solutions to everything and I have to rely on myself. It’s the reason why the Holy Spirit’s 2×4 gets a decent work-out in smacking me in the head — if I could do it myself, I wouldn’t need God and Christ’s death on the Cross would be meaningless. Quoting the answer to the Third Article of the Creed in Luther’s Small Catechism:

I believe that I cannot by my own reason or strength believe in Jesus Christ, my Lord, or come to Him; but the Holy Ghost has called me by the Gospel, enlightened me with His gifts, sanctified and kept me in the true faith; even as He calls, gathers, enlightens, and sanctifies the whole Christian Church on earth, and keeps it with Jesus Christ in the one true faith; in which Christian Church He forgives daily and richly all sins to me and all believers, and at the last day will raise up me and all the dead, and will give to me and to all believers in Christ everlasting life. This is most certainly true.

(For my Catholic readers: think of this as one of the catechisms produced by St. Peter Canisius.)

In other words, I can’t come to God wholly on my own but do so with the help of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit enables me to work on my trust issues with God and as my trust issues improve, so does my focus and my perspective. Is it perfect? Far from it. Do I have issues with belief? More often than I like to admit. The important thing is that I’m moving forward on my journey through this world to the next and each step I take in faith is a step toward complete faith.

Hymns That Speak to Me Right Now (III)

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Again, I’m finding myself with insomnia in the wee hours of the morning with severe writer’s block so I’m going to continue posting on hymns and praise songs that speak to me at this moment. “It Is Well With My Soul” has long been one of my favorite hymns and one that I *know* I sang to Daniel in both the NICU and PICU. (I distinctly remember the NICU experience because I was rocking him and he was just looking up at me like I had created the entire world just for him.) I learned it during my college years in Intervarsity and it is one that I have loved since then. I think the reason I love it so much is that it bears the message that in the midst of everything that can happen, we are called to be at peace and to be able to say “it is well with my soul”.

The story behind this hymn according to Cyberhymnal: This hymn was writ?ten af?ter two ma?jor trau?mas in Spaf?ford??s life. The first was the great Chi?ca?go Fire of Oc?to?ber 1871, which ru?ined him fi?nan?cial?ly (he had been a weal?thy bus?i?ness?man). Short?ly af?ter, while cross?ing the At?lan?tic, all four of Spaf?ford??s daugh?ters died in a col?li?sion with an?o?ther ship. Spaf?ford??s wife Anna sur?vived and sent him the now fa?mous tel?e?gram, ??Saved alone.?? Sev?er?al weeks lat?er, as Spaf?ford??s own ship passed near the spot where his daugh?ters died, the Ho?ly Spir?it in?spired these words. They speak to the eter?nal hope that all be?liev?ers have, no mat?ter what pain and grief be?fall them on earth.

Here are the four verses usually found in hymnals:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

The recording is of Chris Rice singing it off of his album “Peace Like A River”:

Anniversary Posting: “As the Bridegroom to His Chosen”

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Today is my 10th wedding anniversary and unfortunately, I didn’t put any post seeds together on Wednesday night so I’m having to come up with something at 2 a.m. Go me.

I got a CD of Rutter pieces from my mom for Christmas a few years ago and this one is probably my favorite. It is called “As the Bridegroom to His Chosen” and is based on poem written by the 14th Century German Dominican, Johannes Tauler (1300-1361).

The lyrics:

As the bridegroom to his chosen, as the king unto his realm,
As the keeper to the castle, as the pilot to the helm.
As the captain to his soldiers, as the shepherd to his lambs,
So, Lord, art thou to me.

As the fountain in the garden, as the candle in the dark,
As the treasure in the coffer, as the manna in the ark,
As the firelight in the winter, as the sunlight in the spring
So Lord art thou to me.

As the music at the banquet, as the stamp unto the seal,
As refreshment to the fainting, as the winecup at the meal,
As the singing on the feast day, as the amen to the prayer,
So Lord art thou to me.

As the ruby in the setting, as the honey in the comb
As the light within the lantern, as the father in the home,
As the eagle in the mountains, as the sparrow in the nest,
So Lord art thou to me.

As the sunshine in the heavens, as the image in the glass,
As the fruit unto the fig tree, as the dew unto the grass,
As the rainbow on the hilltop, as the river in the plain,
So Lord art thou to me.

The first three verses are Tauler and I believe Rutter wrote the 4th verse? (I’m trying to recall from the album notes which are at home and I’m in the guest room at my parents’ house.)

It’s sung on this YouTube video by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and they do it complete and absolute justice.

7 Quick Takes — Writing About Music, Blegging for Promise Walk Donations, and a Synopsis of My Life

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7 Quick Takes

— 1 —

We didn’t get to have dinner with friends on Friday. Between Daniel and I and the weather, it was not a good idea to venture northward into the Sierra foothills. Daniel was better than Wednesday but had thrown up that morning and I hadn’t slept well meaning that I was not going to be great dinner company. (Sleep deprivation does not do good things to me.) The weather was foul and I actually did well by only going to Elk Grove to get a new router and then for some basic groceries. The upside of the rain was that I just had to leave Daniel’s crib mattress out in the morning and it got washed off.

— 2 —

Dinner with my parents, evil twin, and his fiancée was excellent. The only downside was Daniel being grumpy because he couldn’t go outside and play in the rain as well as not having a full nap. Dinner was lovely and it was good to see Sean (the evil twin) and Jeanette again. We also got to see Daniel sign “more” spontaneously as we bounced him on Jeanette’s exercise ball. When he signed it, he got LOTS more bouncing. We’ve been trying to get him to do this for almost 2 years so this was some pretty sweet success.

— 3 —

Sunday, I slept until 4 p.m. with a few wakings to change Daniel’s diaper and take care of his basic needs. I think my body was kind of tired of me beating it into submission through all the sleep deprivation. Thankfully, our living room and hallway are Daniel-proof and Jon got home at noon so Daniel wasn’t without supervision for too long. (I fell asleep in the recliner in the living room so I would have heard if he was screaming or if something happened.) I also think there was some leftover Sudafed in my system or something?

— 4 —

My 10th wedding anniversary is Friday so we headed to San Jose today. The purpose of going to San Jose is obtaining cheap babysitting via my parents and also having an Olive Garden close enough for dinner. Yes, I’m aware that Olive Garden is the McDonalds of Italian food. However, I’m trying to be faithful about not eating meat on Fridays and I know that their calamari and minestrone soup are not going to irritate my stomach.

— 5 —

It’s been nice weather for the past two days. Fortunately (or unfortunately if you have outside plans this weekend), we are supposed to be having rain in the forecast for the next few days. From here, it looks like it will just be north of us and hopefully not in the south bay — I want to have park time with Daniel this weekend. The fresh air is good for him and all the climbing and chasing is good for me.

— 6 —

I’ve been really blessed by all the music posting I’ve been doing lately. I wrote last week about all the writer’s block I’ve been having. I decided that I’d focus some more of my Lenten writing on hymns and songs that are reaching me. I had been wanting to talk about “Brethren We Have Met to Worship” for a long time as well as the song “If I Stand” by Rich Mullins. The coolest thing about doing the Rich Mullins post is that I found a YouTube video of him performing it. He died in a car accident (for the love of God people, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE wear your seatbelts!!!!) just as I was learning about him and his music so I’ve felt cheated in a way because I never got to see him perform. Finding the YouTube video was an answer to a prayer and desire that I don’t think I’ve ever vocalized.

— 7 —

At this time 3 years ago, I had swollen hands and some pretty spectacular cankles. My body was starting to feel the effects of the HELLP Syndrome and we didn’t connect the pieces until I went into full-on preeclampsia on the night of April 6th. Being part of the Promise Walk last year was one of the most healing things I think I’ve ever done because I got to know others who had dealt with some of the same things I did. Please sponsor me and help fund studies so that we can know more about this condition and help to prevent it from occurring in others.

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.Com.

15 Reasons Why I Stay in the Church

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Earlier today, Rachel Held Evans posted 15 Reasons I Left the Church. The seminary president of my Lutheran sect denomination posted a rebuttal of 15 reasons why I came back to the Church. Having read both, I decided to post my own response.

01. I stay in the church because while worship and Bible study are important, I find that our monthly Ladies’ Night Out blesses me and causes me to grow in unexpected ways.

02. I stay in the church because when we talk about sin, we also talk about God’s love and forgivness.

03. I stay in the church because sometimes I have the answer to the questions others ask. Sometimes, they can help me find the answer to the questions I ask. It’s all about “working out our salvation with fear and trembling” in the words of Philippians 2:12b.

04. I stay in the church because if it’s going to be anything other than a cult or a country club, there needs to be a voice speaking up, welcoming people, and advocating for the viewpoint that we’re a hospital for sinners.

05.) I stay in the church because whether or not the earth is young or old is not a hill on which I care to die and somehow it isn’t the most pressing issue that we’re being called to engage.

06.) I stay in the church because during those times I have doubt, I have a community of people picking up the slack in my faith and being present for me in the midst of my doubt. In this fashion, they are helping me to stay with God even during the times I put Him on notice.

07.) I stay in the church because it was someone trying to make me into their “project” that helped me find my voice and my assertiveness. It doesn’t hurt that I’m also the focus of God’s love and that in serving Him and immersing myself in the Word, I become a better person.

08.) I stay in the church because I believe that in Christ, there is no Democrat or Republican. I also respect that people have to make their own political decisions and that their decision may not be mine.

09.) I stay in the church because I believe in engaging and struggling with the passages in the Bible that include violence, misogyny, and genocide.

10.) I stay in the church because I need the reminder that I am dependent on others in such a way that I am part of a community of faith rather than a lone wolf Christian. Being dependent on others means that there are people to catch me when I fall and that I sometimes have to do the catching.

11.) I stay in the church because whether or not I believe in having a woman behind the pulpit, I know that I am part of the priesthood of all believers and can minister to others that way.

12.) I stay in the church because our outreach enables us to help a wide spectrum of people through things like food banks, helping out at homeless ministries, and raising funds for charities. Quoting Grey’s Anatomy, “it’s what Jesus would fricking do!”

13.) I stay in the church because it spawned people like William Wilberforce and organizations like International Justice Mission. Having a food pantry box in the narthex reminds me that I’m blessed to have food. Working with a local homeless mission through the church reminds me of how lucky I am to have a roof over my head.

14.) I stay in the church because I had people who held me through those times when I doubted God’s existence and who ministered to me during my “dark nights of the soul”, helping me to keep the faith even when I wasn’t sure I had any to begin with.

15.) I stay in the church because someone needs to gently remind people that those signs violate IRS rules concerning organizations with 501(c)3 status, one of which is that churches cannot tell their parishioners how to vote or they risk losing their tax-exempt status.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.
— 1 Corinthians 12: 27-31 (NIV)

Despite everything I’ve been through as a pastor’s wife, I’ve chosen to remain in the church because I know that I am part of the Body of Christ. I also know that I would fall flat if I ever stopped being part of the church because I’ve tried doing it on my own and I fell flat. Being part of the Body means being part of a community where we ideally journey to heaven together and help those who have fallen along the path.

101-in-1001: Catching Up

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Last night, I was having difficulty sleeping so I decided to go through my 101-in-1001 list and see what I could tick off.

007. Yearly exams every year until deadline. (2009, 2010, 2011)

My deadline is May and I’m not due for my 2012 one until October.

010. Keep Lenten discipline faithfully once during this time.

This would be my Occupying Lent posts?

018. Perform a serious classical work for voice.

Vivaldi’s Gloria, a Hallelujah Chorus flash mob, and parts of other classical works during my time in the choir at Christ Lutheran Church in West Covina.

024. Grow an herb garden.
025. Plant a garden and harvest it one year.
026. Grow my own pumpkins for Halloween.

Did this in 2011 and will do it again in 2012.

028. Teach Daniel sign language.

Finally got him to use “more” and “all done”.

036. Give a speech or presentation of some nature.

I do this semi-monthly for Ladies’ Night Out because I usually get tapped to do the devotional.

038. Send out Christmas cards every year. (2009, 2010, 2011)

I’ve sent out picture ones all three years. Thank God for reward points from Pampers.

059. Twitter daily for three months.

That would be December 2011 to present.

095. Do a walk/run for charity.

I did the Promise Walk last year and am doing it again this year.

100. Blog daily for a month.

By the time Lent is over, this will be accomplished.

Hymns That Speak to Me Right Now (II)

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A hymn that you hear on a lot of Christian hymn compilations is “Softly and Tenderly”. It is one of those hymns that people think of when they hear the words “altar call” and a number of famous Christians including Martin Luther King Jr. had it sung at their funerals.

A story from the Net Hymnal page for it: When the world-re?nowned lay preach?er, Dwight Ly?man Moody, lay on his death bed in his North?field, Mass?a?chu?setts, home, Will Thomp?son [the hymn’s composer] made a spe?cial vi?sit to in?quire as to his con?di?tion. The at?tend?ing phy?si?cian re?fused to ad?mit him to the sick?room, and Moody heard them talk?ing just out?side the bed?room door. Re?cog?niz?ing Thomp?son??s voice, he called for him to come to his bed?side. Tak?ing the Ohio po?et-com?pos?er by the hand, the dy?ing evan?gel?ist said, ??Will, I would ra?ther have writ?ten ??Soft?ly and Ten?der?ly Je?sus is Call?ing?? than an?y?thing I have been able to do in my whole life.??

The words (with the refrain bolded):

Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling for you and for me;
See, on the portals He??s waiting and watching,
Watching for you and for me.

Come home, come home,
You who are weary, come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
Calling, O sinner, come home!

Why should we tarry when Jesus is pleading,
Pleading for you and for me?
Why should we linger and heed not His mercies,
Mercies for you and for me?

Come home, come home,
You who are weary, come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
Calling, O sinner, come home!

Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing,
Passing from you and from me;
Shadows are gathering, deathbeds are coming,
Coming for you and for me.

Come home, come home,
You who are weary, come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
Calling, O sinner, come home!

O for the wonderful love He has promised,
Promised for you and for me!
Though we have sinned, He has mercy and pardon,
Pardon for you and for me.

Come home, come home,
You who are weary, come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
Calling, O sinner, come home!

The first two lines of the refrain are probably some of the best sentiments put to music in Christianity — “come home, come home, you who are weary, come home.” How awesome and wonderful is it that our God is calling us to come home to his presence when we are so weary and beaten bloody by the world? The last two lines aren’t so bad either — “earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling, O sinner, come home!”

As always, here’s a YouTube video of the song. It’s a duet with Selah and Cynthia Clawson. The tune is what is sung at the beginning. Selah comes in doing harmony toward the middle. I chose this one not because I like the harmony but because it was almost impossible to find any other ones where it was sung in a non-twangy country way.